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Physical Attraction versus Emotional Connection

Guy sees girl.

Guy wants girl.

Girl is open to one date.

Girl likes guy.

Guy sexes girl up.

Guy doesn’t respond to girl’s text next week.

Girl utters a cry.

And girl says “WHYYYYYY??!!!!!?”

__________________________________________________

Whattup, I’m the new Shakespeare.

But unfortunately, this story has been repeating itself since well before the day and age of Shakespeare.

So lemme try to give a 21st century “reply” to your question of “why” (you can call me William).

For starters, a guy knows within .0548 seconds of seeing a woman whether or not he’d have sex with her. And trust me, he’s continuously making these snap judgments as he walks down the street, when he’s out at night, or even at his kid’s little league game (I get it, men are scum, nasty pigs…whatever).

Call men what you will, but the women who get ahead are not the ones who “deny” this evil little fact by telling themselves, “There are good guys out there who don’t think about sex all day long.”

…Absolutely not.

The women who get ahead are those who understand men’s heads (both of them) and can differentiate between physical attraction and emotional attraction.
Physical attraction = He’ll go on a few dates with you + he’ll have sex with you.

Emotional attraction = He FEELS something for you.

Here’s the deal about having sex with a dude who’s only physically attracted to you. The moment a man has sex with a woman, there is an instantaneous transfer of relationship power from girl to guy – and thus the reason why the story above is happening probably at least 100 times in the amount of time it takes you to read this post.

Once sex is completed (or at least he’s “completed” if yah know what I mean):

The woman instantly becomes MORE emotionally connected to the man.
The man instantly becomes LESS physically attracted to the woman.

So unless the guy feels the emotional connection to back up the physical attraction, he will instantly be less interested, and if he’s a true d-bag, he won’t return your texts.

“So Adam, you’re telling us that once a dude gets his thang on, he gets less interested. REAAAL PROFOUND!”

OK, I get it – for most of you this basic concept is nothing new, but it is important to truly be able to differentiate between the signs of mere raw physical attraction and true emotional connection.

Physical attraction (PA):

  • He touches you
  • He flirts with you
  • He takes you out for drinks
  • He’s staring at you
  • He asks for your number

Emotional connection (EC):

  • He’ll introduce you to his friends
  • He’s willing to hang out with you during the day
  • He’ll talk on the phone for extended periods of time (longer than five-minute logistical chats)
  • He’ll go out of his way to make you happy (you mention how much you love M&M’s, and he brings you a pack of M&M’s the next time he sees you)
  • He’ll do something more on a second/third date than just “go out for drinks”
  • He is just generally willing to hang out with you without the notion of sex in the forefront

So if you are consistently getting hurt by the guys who will bone, and then never use the phone (OK fine, no more rhyming) – then stop giving up ALL the goods until there are clearer signs that there’s an equal emotional connection.

And just know that not all men are scum, we’re just confused by our biology.

Your coach,

Adam

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