“So whaddya think? Is Jason my boyfriend?”
It feels like every conversation you have over brunch with your girlfriends is obsessing — er, assessing — your relationship status.
If only you had a crystal ball.
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Women want labels. Labels make them feel secure. If he’s your boyfriend, it means your affection for him is reciprocated.
It means he’s committed to you. It means maybe, just maybe, love could be around the corner. So it’s no wonder you’re wondering…
Is he my boyfriend?
Let’s look into a few signs that not only is this guy your boyfriend, but that he’s also eager and open to seeing where the relationship takes you.
1. He Likes Spending Time With You Outside of the Bedroom
Sure, the sex is mind-blowing. But that’s not the only way he wants to get close to you.
Hikes, lunches, dinners, movies. Even Netflix and chill and board games.
This guy enjoys spending time with you (and not just in the deep of the night). A boyfriend knows that while sex is an important bonding tool, it’s just one facet of a healthy relationship. Which he wants with you.
2. He’s Cool Meeting Your Friends & Family (and Introducing You to His)
Look, I’ll be honest.
Women are usually much more chatty with their friends about their new amours. Guys, well, it’s just sometimes not the primary topic of conversation.
So to be honest, he probably didn’t tell many (or any) people about your first date. But you’ve been together a while now, so you should see not only has he told people about you, but he also wants you to meet them.
It’s a big deal. Acknowledge.
Likewise, he’s eager to meet those that matter to you. He’s agreed to have brunch with your sister and her five kids, or go on a double date with your bestie. He’s eager to immerse himself in your world and interests.
This one’s a keeper.
3. He’s Affectionate in Public
Now, not every guy is all about PDA, so please don’t use this as the single measure of whether he’s your boyfriend.
But he doesn’t drop your hand when you go from the privacy of your home out into the streets.
A boyfriend will put his arm around you occasionally. He might even hold your hand. Or kiss you in public. He should, at the very least, be more affectionate than he was on the first few dates. He should be proud to have you at his side.
4. You Have Great Conversations
One of the foundations of a solid relationship is to be able to talk about things that light you both up.
Maybe it’s your shared love of anime. Or the Kardashians. Or 18th century Russian literature.
Whatever that shared interest is, you and he love engaging in thought-provoking dialogue. There’s never a lull in the conversation. He challenges you to think, learn, and argue (but in a fun way).
Who needs that with a fling? This is the stuff boyfriends are made of.
5. He Makes Plans Far in Advance
“Hey, what are you doing Friday,” you ask.
“Whoa, babe. That’s a bit far in the future to be planning, don’t ya think?” he replies.
This, m’lady, is not a boyfriend.
A boyfriend makes plans, big and small, far enough into the future that you need a calendar.
That movie that comes out at the end of next month?
He’s already bought tickets.
The music festival five hours away on New Years?
He’s already mapping out your road trip.
This, too, is a big deal, and one you should acknowledge. It can feel like he’s laying his heart on the table when he plans in advance (“what if she doesn’t see us together that far away?”), so know that he’s subtly telling you he sees a future with you. Reciprocate with your own advanced planning.
6. You Know You Don’t Have to Dress Up for Him
When you started dating, you pulled out your LBD and cat eye makeup. But now, you don’t feel as compelled to hide behind a facade.
After all, maybe you’ve stayed the night with your fella, and inevitably, he saw you in your full puffy-faced morning glory. And he didn’t run.
Feeling so comfortable around this guy means that he likes you for more than your superficial looks. Think of it like this: couples who have been together for years don’t have to dress up for one another to impress each other (though it’s nice occasionally). You’re well on your way to being that couple.
7. He Keeps Track of Your Friends and Their Stories
You’re surprised at how much effort he’s put into navigating your soap opera friends and their stories: he’s working to keep Jen 1 straight from Jen 2, along with their complicated dramas.
“Now, Jen 1 is the one who got drunk and fell into your birthday cake?”
“No, that’s Jen 2, but good guess!”
Think about an actual soap opera. If you only glance at five minutes of it, you’re not invested in the plot. But spend more time with it, and before you know it, you’re indignant that they buried Carly alive. As he falls for you, he’s getting more invested in your story and will go to great lengths to keep up with everyone’s role in it.
8. He Leaves Things at Your House (and Invites You to Do So)
The whole “leaving things at his house” decision is a big one. You don’t want to leave anything you’d have to get back if things ended badly, so you wait to be asked if you want your own drawer. Then you worry you’ll freak him out doing it too fast.
On the other hand, maybe he casually mentions he should leave a toothbrush at your house.
It means he’s acknowledging that your home is his home, at least part of the time. Letting him call the shots here lets him do it in his time, not yours, which means he’ll be communicating that he’s ready to get serious when he does.
9. He Calls You His Girlfriend
If you’re very patient and don’t force the whole “what are we” conversation, he will make the proclamation himself.
Better to let him do it than try to force him to make the call on the whole boyfriend/girlfriend label too soon.
Congratulations, Sexy Confident Lady! You’ve snagged yourself a boyfriend!
What signs is your man throwing that you need help interpreting? Leave them in the comments below.