You feel like a schoolgirl pondering “does he like me?”, but even at this point in your life, the question remains difficult to answer.
I know women in their 30s, 40s, and beyond feel like men are just as cryptic and hard to read at that age as they were in middle school! Still, as a representative of the male gender, let me say: we don’t deliberately make it hard for you to know that we’re into you. It’s just a matter of knowing what signs to look for.
He likes me…
He likes me not…
Does he like me???
The old petal-pulling trick probably isn’t going to work in this case. And while a boy might have passed you a note in junior high to tell you he dug you, that’s probably not going to happen these days (though…that’s an interesting strategy!).
Whatever has led you to be single at this point in your life, you’ve had enough to deal with. You’ve got to filter through the duds with online dating. Deal with men who won’t commit. Generally deal with disappointment. So to add the whole does he like me question to the equation…
It’s just too much.
Maybe you’ve thought a guy was interested in the past…and then found out he wasn’t…or wasn’t available. Now you’re gunshy about approaching any man for fear of rejection.
Not to worry, sexy lady. I’m here to help you interpret whether or not this guy reciprocates your interest…and will even provide some insight on what to do if he does.
1. Watch His Body Language
The next time you’re around this man, observe what he’s communicating with body language. But don’t expect him to do the same things you do with your body when you’re attracted to someone. Men have their own way of giving off evidence that they’re interested.
Does he lean in when you talk?
Find excuses to touch your arm or hair?
Does he touch his face?
These are all signs he likes you! So the next time you’re wondering does he like me, get out of your head and actually pay attention to how he’s acting. He may not say it in words, but his body tells it all.
2. Pay Attention To His Eyes
While eyes are certainly part of body language, they deserve their own number here as you try to discern does he like me.
Does he maintain eye contact to the point where you feel you’re having a staring contest? Do his eyes light up when you enter a room? Does he frequently blink at you, as if dazzled by your immense beauty?
You may want to get a little closer to this guy to check out one thing: how dilated his pupils are. Researchers at the University of Kent found that people’s pupils dilate when they see a photo of someone they’re attracted to. And it doesn’t matter if they’re clothed or naked: same result. So even if you’re fully dressed, check out his eyes to see if his pupils are big black saucers.
3. Listen To What He’s Saying
When you’re around a man that you like, you may be so nervous that you don’t really pay attention to what he says…but you should.
Beyond it just being common courtesy to listen to the person who’s talking, what he’s saying can let you know that he’s head over heels for you.
Wow, that dress looks amazing on you!
Does he tell you that you look nice or otherwise compliment you? Pay attention! It’s all too easy for women to brush off compliments (the whole this old thing? response when a guy tells you he likes your dress is sooo overdone), but just stop for a moment. Hear the compliment. Accept it and say thanks.
Now obsess in your head as to what that means. You’ll have to trust me on this: men do not compliment women they’re not into (unless it’s their mom). If he’s complimenting you, it’s because he’s paying attention. If he’s paying attention, he’s clearly interested.
Yea, I like volunteering with sick kids in my spare time…
Also, notice whether he toots his own horn a bit. It could be because he wants you to notice him and his general awesomeness. Now, there’s a fine line between a guy just trying to get you to know a few cool things about him and him being a total narcissist, so use your judgment here to decide which he is.
Ah cool, I’m really into acro-yoga too!
Wise up, girl! This man is trying to show you that you have things in common. The Similarity-Attraction Theory says that rather than opposites attracting, often its similarities that do, so if this man is pointing out all that you have in common, it’s for good reason: because he’s attracted to you!
Yea, I’m not doing anything this weekend…
Um, hello? Most people wouldn’t own up to having a blank calendar, so clearly he’s letting you know he’s available to go out. He might be unsure if you’re interested in him, so he hasn’t pulled the trigger to formally ask you out. But what are you waiting for?? You’re a Sexy, Confident Lady so you can do the asking.
4. He Touches You and Wants to Be Touched
Ug, my shoulders are so tight.
This scar is almost healed. Feel it.
Any man who makes up an excuse for you to touch him does it because he’s attracted to you. If he was stuck in the friend zone, he wouldn’t make any move to touch you or invite you to touch him because he’d be worried you’d misread his signals. But this guy? He’s putting out those signals specifically so you’ll read them correctly!
As far as him touching you, don’t look for a pervy upper thigh caress. He’s more respectful and subtle than that. He might touch your low back as you pass through a door he opened for you. He might tell you there’s a loose eyelash on your cheek and “remove” it. He might press his leg against yours under the table. These touches aren’t blatant, but they’re still communicating plenty about his feelings for you.
Play up to the whole touch thing. Squeeze his shoulders if he says they’re tight. Touch his arm and ask how often he works out. Touch = confidence for men, so give him a healthy dose!
5. He Treats You Differently Than Others
Maybe the guy you’ve got your eye on is part of your circle of friends, and you’re not sure if he’s being friendly like he is to everyone…or if it’s something more. Pay attention to how he treats others and how he treats you.
If he hugs you when he sees you…does he hug everyone else?
Does he spend more time with you than anyone else in the group?
Does he contact you outside of the group text?
Do you hang out one-on-one, while he only hangs out with the big group otherwise?
Moving from being friends (especially when you’re part of a bigger crew) to something more can be tricky. Ask others in the group for their insights on how he’s treating you…or even ask them to talk to him to get the skinny about how he feels.
6. He Gets Nervous
I don’t know why women don’t think men get nervous around them! When I first started dating Jess, I was nervous every. single. time. I. saw. her.
Eventually, that faded away (thank goodness), but it’s perfectly natural for a man who’s into you to exhibit a bit of jittery behavior.
Maybe he talks 90-to-nothing around you. Maybe the cat has his tongue.
Maybe he deliberately ignores you in a group…but is always making eyes at you.
Maybe he spills his drink. Trips on the sidewalk. Walks into a fire hydrant.
If you think his behavior isn’t normal, you’re probably right. And the answer to the whole does he like me question? Already answered.
7. Pay Attention To His Friends
As useful as observing his behavior is also noting how his friends act around you. Friends who know the guy is into you may treat you differently than they would if you were “one of the guys,” i.e. just a friend.
They may back away from the two of you if you’re out together to give you some alone time. They may talk him up to make sure you know what a great catch he is.
If you know them well, you could even take one aside and ask if the guy likes you!
8. He Teases You In a Friendly Way
Teasing is a great strategy to let someone know you’re interested. If you’re wondering why a certain male is constantly poking fun at you, it might be because he likes you.
Think back to grade school when Bobby always pulled your pigtails. He was totally into you, wasn’t he? Hopefully, this guy’s got better game than Bobby did, but the message is the same: he’s telling you he finds you attractive and wants your attention.
9. He Mirrors You
You take a sip…he takes a sip.
You touch your head…he touches his head.
You cross your legs…he crosses his legs.
Mirroring behavior is a scientifically proven illustration of attraction. It may be a subconscious communication of flattery. Likely he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it. But if the guy you’re talking to mirrors you at least a few times, he very likely is interested.
Test it out! Do something unexpected like cross your arms or lean forward and see if he follows suit.
10. You Bump Into Him Often
You never ever ran into this guy until you started wondering does he like me, and suddenly he’s everywhere.
He’s picking up his dry cleaning when you’re dropping yours off.
He’s at a party where you didn’t realize you had friends in common.
He’s frequenting your favorite coffee shop.
Unless he’s going overboard in popping up where you are (stalker much??) he may be trying to get your attention by being near you.
Use the opportunity to make a joke of it:
We’ve GOT to stop meeting like this!
Same time tomorrow?
Conclusion: Does He Like Me? Yes He Does!
Like I said at the start of this article: men aren’t overly complicated to read. That’s why I strive to provide a translation of their behavior on Sexy Confidence so that you can better interpret their behavior.
So now that the whole does he like me question is put to bed, your next question is likely: what the hell do I do now?
I’m guessing since this gentleman is being a little subtle about expressing his interest in you that he’s either shy or isn’t sure that you feel the same. Or both. So that puts the onus on you to make the first move.
Respond back with your own interest. Make sure your body language communicates interest. If you’re talking to him, don’t look around the room to see who else is there. Lean in when he talks. Smile, smile, smile.
Make an effort to spend time with him one-on-one, even if you’re in a big group (especially if you’re in a big group). The more you can isolate him from others, the more likely he’ll be to be more obvious about his interest and maybe even ask you out.
And if not? What have you got to lose by asking for his number or asking him out?
If you meet a guy in a bar and the witty repartee is zinging back and forth between you, hand him your phone with a new contact form open and ready for him to input at the end of the night. You didn’t technically ask for his number, but if he’s smart, he’ll quickly tap out his info on your phone.
If it’s a guy you’ve known a while and you’re ready to be more than friends, ask him out for something you both enjoy. Just make it something a little less…friend-ish. While you both may enjoy hiking, he may not interpret the invitation to be anything more than friend-to-friend, so go for a beer tasting at a local brewery or dinner. Because nothing says I like you more than meeting after dark!
And if you’re wrong about him liking you? You’ll live. No man alive wouldn’t be flattered if a beautiful woman like you asked him out, even if he wasn’t available or interested. So chalk it up to practice and get back in the saddle.
When’s the last time you asked yourself does he like me, and what signs did you observe that told you the answer was yes?
It never hurts to step up your flirting game to attract the attention of a certain main. Check out my Flirting Confidence Workshop to learn how to send tingles down his spine!