You’re no rookie when it comes to relationships. Maybe you’ve been married and divorced (possibly several times). Perhaps you’ve been in years-long relationships. Whatever you’ve been through, for better or worse, you now find yourself trying to find love after 50.
I’m not going to lie: falling in love later in life looks a lot different than it did in your 20s.
You have a different view of love now, thanks to divorce or a bad relationship or two. You’re less starry-eyed when it comes to what love looks like…and maybe have a healthy dose of skepticism that will keep you from getting hurt. You may have your walls of protection up around your heart.
You’re older and wiser (and better) than you were when you basically were still a child.
But…you’re more set in your ways. You may find it harder to compromise, especially on things like living together, getting married, or even how you have your house set up.
Why Falling in Love in Your 50s is Better
Here’s the good news: finding love in your 50s doesn’t have to be harder than it was when you were younger! Just different. And in many ways, it’s actually better to find love later in life.
For one, you know exactly what you want. You’re less focused on physical attributes and how much money a man makes than you are how he treats people and whether you’re aligned in your life goals. You won’t settle for a Good Enough relationship because if a man isn’t delivering what you need, you are totally fine being alone. You can be patient until the right guy comes along.
You’re more confident now than when you were in your 20s, and that makes you even more appealing to men of all ages. You’re no longer trying to fit a mold to be what you think a man wants you to be. You are 100% happy rocking exactly who you are. If he doesn’t like it, he’s not for you.
Secrets to Finding Love After 50
While some of the tips I provide here are what I’d tell a woman of any age, there are some that are more specific to where you are in your life. You have more life and love experience. Use it to your benefit so you don’t waste time on the wrong men and can create the love life you truly adore.
1. Be Comfortable in Who You Are
I’m going to bet this is easy for you already, especially compared to who you were before you had relationships, kids, a career, heartbreak, and everything else that has shaped you into the sexy, confident woman you are today.
You know that there is a man out there who will adore your quirks, your body, and your personality. Don’t stress over a few gray hairs or wrinkles; if he’s that superficial, he’s not for you. A man who’s also in his 50s should equally be looking for a partner based on a deeper connection, not superficial looks.
I’ve worked with women in every decade of life, and one thing I notice is that the older they are, the less they give a f#%! what people think of them. The older they get, the more they come into who they really are, and it is awesome to see.
Your Homework Assignment: Make a list of 10 things you love about yourself. They could be physical attributes, skills, or personality traits. Feel free to leave it in the comments below or in our private Sexy Confidence Club forum.
2. Push Out of Your Comfort Zone
Once you’ve created an amazing life that you enjoy, a circle of friends who nurture you, and hobbies that you excel at, it can be really challenging to break out of that comfort zone to meet men. But realize that the likelihood of Mr. Right knocking on your door is pretty low, so it is going to require some effort on your part to meet him!
How can you shake up your life to open the door to the possibility of meeting great men?
It might start with you creating an online dating profile on a site or two. You might sign up for a dance class or attend a business workshop. The benefit of these last two ideas is that not only do you increase the odds of meeting men, but you also enhance your own life and learn something. Win-win!
Your Homework Assignment: Make a plan to do one thing that feels a little uncomfortable this week to potentially meet men. Also, you can check out this resource to learn where to meet men.
3. Learn from Past Relationships
You may be able to see patterns in your past relationships, like you falling for emotionally unavailable men or men who needed you to mother them. Learn from the mistakes you’ve made in the past so that you don’t make them again.
Also, look at the types of men you’ve dated and try to do a 180 and meet different types of guys. Maybe you’ve only dated engineers and that hasn’t worked out for you. What would it be like to date a free spirit (but gainfully-employed) artist?
Look at your own issues as well. Maybe you’ve had trouble trusting men due to some traumatic experience. You might want to talk through these issues with a therapist to ensure that you’re healed and ready for your next relationship.
Your Homework Assignment: Make a list of patterns that repeated in past relationships that you’re ready to break.
4. Have No Expectations
It might seem counterintuitive to say you shouldn’t have expectations when you’re finding love after 50, but hear me out.
You may be ready to fall head over heels with the next man you go out with. Realize that it might take him longer to see the relationship’s potential. Or there might not be any, but you could end up with a really good male friend.
So when you go out with a man, just be open to where it takes you. At the very least, you have a conversation partner and dinner. Or maybe a hilarious horror story to laugh about with girlfriends later. Maybe it will turn into the love story you’re hoping for, but you can’t control the outcome, so let go and have fun.
Your Homework Assignment: Go on a date that you think will go nowhere just to loosen up your expectations. You might end up being surprised.
5. Don’t Date Like a 20-Year-Old
What did you date like when you were younger? Maybe you had a date with a different dude every day of the week. Maybe you dated with one goal in mind: to find The One. Maybe you wore your most revealing clothes so he’d think you were hot.
That’s not who you are anymore, is it?
Now, I’m not saying you should be stodgy and boring on your dates. You don’t have to be “young” to be youthful and playful. Tease him a little. Flirt. Wear something you feel confident and sexy in. But do it in a way that feels authentic to who you are today.
Your Homework Assignment: Pick out your confident dating outfit…or go buy one so you’re ready when you get asked out!
6. Stay Positive
Even if you’re on the 10th disappointing date in a row, act like it’s the first date you’ve been on so you have a fresh and positive state of mind. Having a positive attitude can be incredibly attractive to men…and it’s great for your overall life outlook.
It’s normal for most people to give a high-level overview of their relationship past on a date, but resist the urge to badmouth your ex or spend too much time talking about one another’s past. It’s all too easy to go down the rabbit hole of negative commiseration, and that’s a terrible way to date!
Instead, focus on things that bring you joy. Ask what his passions are. Smile. Laugh. Be light.
Your Homework Assignment: Make a list of positive topics you can bring up on a date.
7. (Re)learn to Flirt
You might feel out of practice flirting when finding love after 50, but it’s definitely something you never forget. Like riding a bicycle! Brush up your flirting skills to let him know that you find him attractive. You can also try my new course “The Feminine Charm Code” to learn how to charm him into your arms.
Lean in toward him when he speaks.
Touch him lightly on the arm when you laugh.
Ask sassy questions.
It’s that easy! Really.
Your Homework Assignment: Flirt with a man that you interact with this week, like the barista at a coffee shop or server at a restaurant. Practice makes perfect!
You are completely capable of finding love after 50. It will take a little effort, and you might have to get out of your comfort zone. You might need to do a little work on your confidence if you’re dating for the first time in years. But trust me: you’ve got this!