Have you ever really liked a guy at work or at school, and you didn’t know how he felt about you? You’re wondering how to ask a guy if he likes you, but you’re worried you’ll look needy. You feel like a teenager again, trying to figure out if he likes you without looking like a fool.
If you’ve been in a relationship and are single again, maybe your “guydar” is skewed; you don’t know how to read signs a man is into you anymore. Or maybe you have a male friend that you are starting to have feelings for. How do you gauge whether he feels the same without jeopardizing the friendship?
It’s frustrating, isn’t it? Not to worry. I’m here to help you see if it’s right to take things from out of the friend zone into something more romantically fulfilling.
How to Ask a Guy if He Likes You
It can feel incredibly vulnerable to put yourself out there and tell someone that you’re attracted to them, but as they say: no risk, no reward. If you don’t express your feelings, how can you hope to possibly have a relationship with someone great?
As for fearing rejection, know that it’s completely normal. But really, what’s the worst thing that can happen? He could say he’s not interested in you. This isn’t junior high; he’s not going to point and laugh at you. He’ll feel flattered and thank you for your honesty. But if he doesn’t feel the same, the world doesn’t end.
I’m sure you’ve been through worse than a guy not liking you, right?
Now that you’re ready to take on the world (even if it involves a little rejection), let’s look at how to ask a guy if he likes you…the right way.
Step 1: Pay Attention to His Unspoken Signs
The fact is: you may not even need to ask him outright if he’s into you because he may be giving you nonverbal signs one way or another.
Pay attention to his body language. Does he lean toward you when he talks? Make excuses to touch you? Does he smile often?
Does he make spending time with you a priority? Does he maintain eye contact when you talk?
Maybe he even offhandedly mentioned that he’s not dating other women. This could be his way of telling you that he’s open to dating you.
…does he keep his distance, with his arms crossed? Does he always seem to be looking for someone else to talk to at a party?
In this case, he may not be interested in you, and you might save yourself the pain of having him tell you directly.
Step 2: Be (Sexy) Confident
I’ll say this again: if he isn’t into you, it’s not the end of the world. Be confident going into a conversation about your feelings and you’ll have much better success.
You have to have the attitude that “I’m freaking amazing and he would be lucky to have me!”
Confidence is sexy. It’s what attracts people to you. Exuding confidence keeps you from looking needy! Imagine these two scenarios:
Confident Carla: “We really have a good time hanging out! I’m picky about who I spend time with, but you passed the test [smile]. How do you feel about going out as more than friends?”
Insecure Ima: “Um…I can’t sleep at night because I’m thinking about you. Do you think about me too?”
Which do you think a man will be more attracted to? Confident Carla is letting him know he’s unique in that she deems him worthy to spend time with her, and that will only make a guy want to spend even more time with her. Ima is needy and whiny and no man will want that.
Even if the man you’re into doesn’t return your feelings, don’t let it bruise your ego. Remember: rejection is only someone’s opinion. It’s not the truth. I mean that if a man doesn’t like you romantically, it doesn’t mean you’re flawed. It means you’re not right for him (and he’s not right for you, even if you can’t see that right now). Maybe he’s looking for a 6-foot-tall blonde woman who plays the accordion. It’s not your problem that you don’t fit that demographic.
Take rejection as a learning tool: what signals did he give you either way that you can pay attention to in the future? How can you gauge interest? How can you use that information to be a more confident woman?
Step 3: Give Him the Green Light
Show interest in him to let him know how you feel. Maybe he’ll just come out and tell you he likes you with you having to ask first!
How do you give him the green light? Flirt a little. Make a point of spending time with him. Text him. Dress nicely when you’re around him. If you’ve been friends, act just a little different, like you would with a man you were trying to impress. Because, after all, you are trying to impress him!
If this fails to get his attention (some guys can be dense!), go to Step 4.
Step 4: Go for the Subtle Ask
If you’re trying to figure out how to ask a guy if he likes you, I’m willing to bet you may not be all that brazen and don’t feel comfortable just saying, “hey! I’m into you! Whatcha wanna do about it?”
So before you push yourself that far out of your comfort zone, try the subtle ask.
Ask to spend time together or hang out like you normally do.
Then, when you’re together and he’s comfortable, let him know you like him (but keep it light). Let him know what specifically you like:
“I really appreciate how supportive of me you are.”
“I think we’ve got great chemistry.”
It’s important to have this conversation face to face so you can gauge his reaction. He may be surprised, so be ready for that. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t return your feelings. He may not have known how to bring it up himself.
Still, this conversation could go either way, so be ready for whatever his answer is. How will you handle things if he wants to stay friends? Your ego may be a little bruised, and you may need some time to get over the disappointment.
Step 5: Straight Up Ask Him
If being subtle isn’t your thing, try a more direct approach.
Make it playful and ask with a smile:
“Have you been crushing on me lately?”
Be more serious if need be:
“Are you developing feelings for me?”
It’s all in how you deliver your question: if you ask with a smile and positive body language, he’ll know that him telling you he likes you will be a great thing.
Step 6: Make Sure Your Effort is Reciprocated
It’s all too easy to stay in your head when trying to ask a guy if he likes you and ignore his reaction, but it’s important as a Sexy Confident woman to ensure that feelings go both ways.
Don’t chase him. Don’t be overly available. I know you are excited to shift things from being friends to something more, but you still deserve to be in a relationship where he pursues you and treats you like the high-value woman that you are. So pay attention to the signals to ensure that he’s just as stoked about being with you as you are him.
If He Doesn’t Return Your Feelings…
Don’t dwell on it! Move on. You’re looking for Mr. Right, and if this man doesn’t return your feelings, then he’s not it. You may not be able to see why you’re not a good fit with this guy right now, but down the road, when you meet a man that is 100% perfect for you, you will see why you needed to have this experience in order for you to stay true to your path for love.
If you’re friends, take some time to process your feelings. You may not want to be around him for a few weeks while you soothe your ruffled feathers. Be honest with him about you needing some time, but let him know that the friendship is important to you and that you’ll come back around when you’re ready.
I realize that telling a man that you care for him can make you feel incredibly vulnerable, and for some women, that’s about the worst thing they can feel. But vulnerability is a key component of a healthy and happy relationship, so I encourage you to work through your discomfort.
And hey, if he likes you, too, won’t that discomfort have been totally worth it?
I want to hear from you! Did you use one of these strategies for how to ask a guy if he likes you? Share the outcome in the comments below.
And if you need a little something extra to help you draw a fantastic man to you, check out my course, The Feminine Charm Code.