You want to know how to make him want you, and you’re tempted to play games to achieve your goal. But take it from me: if board games are for kids, then dating games are for sexually frustrated adults.
Unlike board games, however, there’s not always a clear winner with dating games, and the end goal is different for every player. For women, the prize is a relationship. For men, the prize is usually sex.
If everyone’s playing for different prizes, how can you even be playing the same game?
Want to Know How to Make Him Want You? Play His Game.
Unfortunately, these games have become ingrained into dating as we know it, and both men and women play them.
Women play hard-to-get, being flirty but aloof.
Men play the game of ulterior motive. They do one thing (compliment you) to get something completely other (sex).
A game everyone of every age knows, however, is “the chase.”
This is every man’s favorite game.
Men, as women know, like a chase. They’re hunters. Anything that falls right into their lap isn’t fair play. They want something they can go after, something to hunt.
If you’ve ever had a cat, you know how they get when they catch a mouse. They will run after it for hours, and once they have it, they’ll play with it to death. Then they’re not interested anymore.
No, Sexy Lady, I’m not comparing you to that mouse (exactly), but I am illustrating the thrill of that chase for men. Just like the cat, they want a little challenge. If the mouse just cowered in the middle of your kitchen floor, the cat would probably sniff it and then walk away. But as soon as it moves, the chase is on.
So if you want to know how to make him want you, let him chase you.
You need to know how to play this silly little courting ritual without getting caught. The first step to winning this game is understanding your opponent.
This man values your intellect, your strength, and your beauty. He does not expect you to be easy to catch. This turns him on because he anticipates the thrill of the hunt.
A Caveat on How to Make Him Want You Without Being Manipulative
Yes, so it seems like I’m encouraging you to play games, and in a way I am, but I want to instruct you on how to do it without being deceptive, conniving, or manipulative. This article isn’t going to tell you to wait 2.3 hours before responding to his text or to go out with other guys to make him jealous.
These are petty games, and you are too old for that BS.
You need to see yourself as the prize that he wants. That takes confidence, so be sure you’re packing plenty. He needs to see that you are worth getting outside of his comfort zone for, worth pursuing.
To do your part, you need to maintain a fine balance between being seen as playing games (because that’s just obnoxious) and folding too easily.
There’s a fine line between a man seeing you as hard-to-get and not being worth the effort to work for. When a woman gives absolutely no signals, no response or no encouragement of his efforts to chase you, the man will give up and pursue another.
If you seem like you’re just playing him, however, he’ll consider you childish and give up. Then of course, if you give in too easily there’s the chance he’ll see you as an easy catch and decide you aren’t high-value enough to hunt.
So now, let’s look at how to make him want you and what you need to do to be that mouse worthy of being chased.
How to Make Him Want You Tip #1: Be Honest…But Never 100% Transparent
A serious man wants to date a woman, not a girl. He wants someone who knows what she wants and is over playing games.
That being said, you might be tempted to lay it all out on the table. You want him to be your boyfriend, so why shouldn’t you tell him?
Remember that we’re trying to get him to chase you, okay? Frankly, a girl telling a guy that she wants to get serious after just a few dates is going to scare him off.
A better approach in how to make him want you is to hint that you’re available without telling him you’re interested in things maybe developing beyond flirting or a few dates.
Show your interest…just not all of it.
I’m not asking you to lie. In fact, honesty is the best policy when it comes to dating, in my mind. But honesty and pouring out every emotion and thought you have are not the same thing.
Think about it. When you start dating someone, you don’t tell them about how last night’s Indian food had you in the bathroom all night. You don’t tell them that your last boyfriend broke up with you for being too needy.
You’re not lying by keeping these things from a guy…unless he asks you about them point blank.
But you are deciding what level of transparency you will provide. Over time, as you get more serious, you will let him in more. But for now, you’re getting him to chase you, to want to get to that point of 100% transparency.
The key to being honest is to let him know you’re open, but letting him know he’s not completely allowed into your heart and brain. That will make him hunger for the vast wisdom that awaits him there!
How to Make Him Want You Tip #2: Be Yourself…Not What He Wants
This makes me so sad. So many girls act like carbon copies of some ideal woman they think men want. What they forget is a man is turned on more than anything by a woman who is wholly and completely herself. He isn’t going to chase some woman who is exactly like the girl he met yesterday or the girls he works with all day.
This is happening especially on dating apps. A study by graduate students at Lund University’s School of Economics and Management on authenticity in mobile dating apps found that people were more likely to create profiles that stretched the truth just slightly in order to be more appealing.
They might say they were thinner or that they made more money. Essentially, women — and men as well — put their best foot forward (even if it required lying just a tad) in order to be more attractive to prospective mates.
Look, this might work to get a guy’s attention on a dating app, but what do you expect to happen when you’ve got out a few times?
Him: So tell me about being a pediatric ER doctor. That must be fulfilling work.
Trust me: if you want to know how to make him want you, be your damn self.
In a sea of phonies, he wants the one woman who is standing with her own style. He wants an authentic woman who is too busy with her own life to cater to his every whim.
And if you think you’re…uh… “challenging” as a person, not to worry. He’s not looking for a lady who will agree with everything he says and do whatever he wants. He wants a woman who will push back when she disagrees with him. Who will sometimes put her own needs ahead of his, especially early in dating.
In fact, being a naturally challenging woman is one of the best solutions to how to make him want you. That doesn’t mean picking fights with him. It just means putting yourself first. You don’t wait to respond to his texts; in fact, you are busy all day, so you don’t even see his text until you come home from mountain climbing or saving lives or whatever fabulous thing you do.
How to Make Him Want You Tip #3: Be Independent…But Not Isolated
Contrary to what you might think, men aren’t looking for submissive women who are available any time they want them. By being fiercely independent, you show him that, while he’s important to you, there’s a long list of other things that rank higher than him.
Don’t bail on girlfriends to hang out with him.
Don’t stay up late talking to him when you have an early day and need sleep.
Don’t go out with him every single night.
Spend some time apart. Make him miss you. He will enjoy seeing you as your own person and learning about your diverse interests. He’ll be more likely to chase you if you don’t bend over backward to please him.
When you do something interesting, share it with him. Show your enthusiasm for your hobby or job, or whatever passion you have. Let him ask questions and find out about you and what makes you tick.
Now, all that being said, you don’t want to lock him out. For some independent, confident women, it’s easy to come off as cold or even intimidating, so be aware of that.
He wants to feel like you need and want him just a little bit so that he’s got the confidence that his efforts are paying off. So give him little nuggets of satisfaction.
Tell him how much you enjoy spending time with him.
Rearrange plans so you can see him if you haven’t been able to otherwise.
Your independence should be genuine, and it should carry beyond you “snagging” the guy. What I mean is: don’t pretend to be awesome and independent, and then once you’re in a committed relationship, start being needy and overly available.
He’ll feel like you tricked him to win the game. Which you kinda did. So don’t.
How to Make Him Want You Tip #4: Be Engaged…But Not Totally Interested
There’s a delicate balance to this tip, too. You want to be engaging in conversation and show that you’re a catch, but you never want to give the sign that you want him as much as he wants you.
So…don’t give him those big doe eyes, woman!
Let him think that if you’re this awesome and approachable, you’re probably talking to many other men. Let his mind do all the game playing for you.
If you play it cool and not overly interested, and if you’re doing the independent thing like I taught you in #3, he’ll start wondering exactly what you’re doing every Friday night when you can’t go out with him.
It’s the double standard: he may think he wants to date other women, but as soon as he thinks you are doing the same, he goes ballistic.
It’s that hunter instinct kicking in. He does not — above all else — want another hunter to catch his prey. It will damage his ego and the other hunter will get the spoils.
When pursuing a man you like, if you want to know how to make him want you: a man wants what he can’t have.
He can have any boring, carbon-copy girl out there, but he can’t have you. Give him the opportunity to see how awesome you are while remaining just out of arm’s reach.
Maybe you tell him you can’t go out with him Friday night because you have plans, but stop by to drop off something at his house (looking effin’ fabulous) on your way to your mysterious plans.
When you’re on the phone with your guy, listen and be interested in what he’s saying, but just before the conversation starts to wind down and he tells you he’s got to go, be the one to end the conversation. Probably you have important things to do (um, like catching up on Black Mirror).
How to Make Him Want You Tip #5: Want Him…But Don’t Need Him
As soon as you admit to yourself that you’re having strong feelings for this guy, or even falling in love with him, you risk losing this game. If he smells your need, he may give up the chase if he’s not hooked.
You may be known for making proclamations of love with past boyfriends, but slow your roll until you’re sure that he is hooked. A man wants to be wanted, not needed, at this point.
Being wanted makes him feel sexy and desirable. Being needed makes him feel like you’re trying to trap him and move him into a relationship he’s not even sure that he wants.
Even if you are starting to have serious affection for this guy, realize that you don’t need him — or any man — to be happy. You are happy and whole completely by yourself. Having a man in your life is like icing on the cake. He can brighten your life, but he never ever should be your reason for living.
So get straight with your feelings internally, and don’t share them as you work through them.
On the outside, give him affection and show that you want him, but bar yourself from bleeding your love for him all over the place. You have a better chance of him falling for you if you ease into it and let him think it was his great idea to fall for you.
How to Make Him Want You Tip #6: Don’t Let Him Know You’re Onto His Games
He may deliberately not respond to your texts…
Go out with other women to see how you react…
Not stay the night after having sex at your place…
He’ll do things that will make you crazy inside, but showing it is the last thing you want to do. Instead, acknowledge to yourself that this dude is playing games to get a reaction out of you. To see if he needs to weed you out from being a possible match for him.
The woman who demands faster texting response, who kicks up a storm when he disappoints her…that’s not a girl he’s going to chase for long.
On the other hand, the woman who seems unaffected by his reindeer games is the one that will get his attention.
Why doesn’t she notice my antics? Does she not care? Is she busy dating that dude that texted her the other day? Is he beefier than me?
Part of his chase will involve his own subterfuge, and it won’t be as subtle as your own. You will know right away that he is playing games, but if you want to master how to make him want you, ignore these games.
Proceed with your own objective: to get him to chase you until he realizes how much he wants you…and not just for sport.
How to Make Him Want You Tip #7: Let Him Ask if You’re Dating Other People
I know this is a common concern for women: they want to know if their guy is seeing other people, and so they ask too early and freak him out.
I know how much you want security in knowing this guy is only seeing you, but if you’re not yet sleeping together, hold off on that question.
If you are sleeping together, I think it’s completely valid to establish before you sleep together that you will only sleep with someone you’re monogamous with. This gives him the clear message that you aren’t out for a hookup, and if he is, he needs to keep looking.
Otherwise, asking if he’s dating anyone else can seem like you’re pushing for commitment, even if you’re not.
Instead, let him wonder. It doesn’t hurt to leave your phone out if you’re getting a text from a male friend so that he wonders who the eff Todd is. You don’t have to tell him you’re going out with the girls this weekend; let him imagine that Todd the Buff Beefcake is taking you salsa dancing.
His imagination will help move him in the right direction toward making him want you more.
The secret to how to make him want you?
Don’t let your frustration overwhelm you. And you might be frustrated. After all, you know that games are stupid, so you’ll be tempted to call him out on them.
Hell, Adam. You told me to be myself in Tip #2, and now you’re telling me I can’t tell him he’s being a dick by playing these games?
Yea. I am.
Sorry about that, but in the early stages of dating, men are willing to walk away from potentially a great future relationship at the slightest thing that alarms them.
While we’ve put men in the position of being the hunter, now I want to reverse it and put this guy in the role of the deer.
The deer is always on alert. He nibbles on grass and seems to be relaxed, but meanwhile, his ears are twitching 360, listening for danger. His eyes are constantly scanning the horizon for potential predators.
This is your guy.
If you freak out on him about how he changes plans with you at the last minute once or twice, know that he very well may ghost…simply because he can. If you come off as needy, he will walk.
Yes, I told you to be yourself, but I also told you not to be 100% transparent. Keep these frustrations to yourself.
The great thing about games as a general rule?
They’re designed to be fun.
So stop taking this so seriously and have a little fun with it. When you notice that he always replies to your texts exactly 2 hours and 14 minutes later, giggle with your girlfriends. Slap them five when he desperately asks if you’re dating other people.
Realize that you will more than likely have to play this game all over again with the next guy, so stressing out over it won’t do you any good. Instead, lean back, enjoying your uber cool, independent life, and let him do the chasing.
Get that crazy, sexy confidence that will teach you how to make him want you in just 3 weeks with my 21 Days to Sexy Confidence free presentation.