If you’re struggling to figure out how to keep a man interested, you can probably relate to this frustrating scenario: you’ve been dating someone for a few months and you’re really into him. You even start to let your guard down and even tell your parents or your friends about this man and how great he is.
Then, all of a sudden…
What’s up with that??
You’re kicking yourself that you didn’t do a better job of keeping his attention. Now some other woman gets this cool guy.
This video and article are for all you sexy, single ladies that have had to deal with men ghosting (and I’m betting that’s any woman reading this article!). Here, I’ll give you three core strategies to help you learn how to keep a man in your life who absolutely loves spending time with you.
P.S. To help you in your journey of learning how to keep a man interested, I’ve created this special training program to teach you how to make a man miss you and want to commit to only you! Sign up now to get access.
Before we dive into some techniques that will teach you how to keep a man interested and engaged, let me just say this: if a guy is totally uninterested in being in a relationship with you, then don’t waste your time trying to keep him interested. This is where listening to your intuition should come into play. If you get the sense that he’s over it — that is, being with you — notice that and don’t try to force it. What’s the point? He’s clearly not the one for you.
This article and video are geared more for those early days when you first start dating. He more than likely is talking to other women, so at this point, you want to know how to keep a man interested in you so that he’ll ditch those other women and focus on only you.
3 Lessons to Learn How to Keep a Man Interested in You
I’ve coached thousands of women — and men — on how to create a love life that they absolutely adore. I’ve spoken at universities and other venues talking about dating and relationships. Now, I know there are a lot of so-called dating coaches out there who will give you advice on how to keep a man into you like “play mind games with him” or “make him jealous on social media.”
Let me just say: that’s not real advice. It’s not helpful. You need strategies for how to keep a man interested and engaged that are for grown-ups, and that actually work! So if you’re ready, let me give you exactly that.
1. Remember: You are Worth Keeping
How’s your self-esteem? Do you know how amazing you are? Or do you struggle to feel good about yourself when dating men who clearly don’t know your worth?
Research shows that high self-esteem can influence your relationship satisfaction as well as impact your partner’s self-esteem. When you feel bad about yourself, your insecurities can start to creep in to the way you act with your significant other — and that can have a negative impact on both of you.
Not only that but also low self-esteem can distort your perception of your partner, according to research in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. In the study, researchers asked more than 500 men and women to complete questionnaires about their self-esteem and then asked them how threatened they felt by their partner’s flaws. Those with low self-esteem were not only more threatened by their partner’s imperfections, but they were also more likely to view their relationships in black-and-white terms: as all good or all bad.
In short, once you start realizing your intrinsic value and self-worth, you can be more successful at engaging a man. Once you realize you’re high-value, he will too.
2. Show Him That He’s Worth Keeping
When you appreciate the little things he does, he wants to do more of them.
Okay, this may come out incredibly condescending toward guys, but the fact is: men are like puppies. When we do something good, reward us with a treat, and what do you know? We’ll continue with that behavior.
Let’s say you just finished dinner and he walks you to your car door and opens the door for you.
A great way to acknowledge the effort and his chivalry — because we know that chivalry is almost dead these days — is: before you get in the car, kiss him on the cheek and say “that’s so sweet! Guys never open doors anymore.”
From that point forward, he will never not open a door for you. Give him that treat when he does something well; reward him with praise or an affectionate gesture.
Here’s another example: let’s say he plans a nice Friday night dinner for you. To show your appreciation, surprise him with dinner next time.
I find that the best type of relationship is when both people invest more and more into the relationship, trying to make the other person happier.
While you might assume that the person on the receiving end of a kind gesture or action would be the most pleased with the effort, research actually shows that the giver feels more positive and has higher self-esteem. The giver also feels more committed to the recipient, because he values something (you) more when he’s invested in it.
3. Don’t Stop Flirting
Once you get past that first three to six months in a new relationship, you’ll probably start to lose some of that intense butterflies-in-the-stomach sensation every time you see this guy. Some of the flirting may be gone, but that means you need to work even hard to figure out how to keep a guy interested.
Research has shown that there are actually different love chemicals flooding your body in each stage of a relationship. In the beginning, when you are crazy head over heels for a guy, your brain is pumping tons of dopamine and norepinephrine throughout your body. As you mellow into the Partnership or Commitment stage of your relationship, it’s oxytocin and vasopressin taking over.
Even if those butterflies have flown away, you need to still have flirtatious banter with your guy. I encourage you to set aside time to go on dates, to remember what it was like when you were first getting to know one another.
In another study we found, University of Kentucky researcher Brandi Frisby studied 164 married people and noted that those that were most satisfied in their relationships flirted to keep up their intimacy. That might mean they played footsie or whispered into each other’s ear. Frisby wrote in her paper that married couples flirted to “create a private world with the spouse.”
So how can you put a little flirt into your relationship? Maybe wink at him when you’re at a party and are on opposite sides of the room. Playfully kiss his hand. Tickle him. Give him butterfly kisses. Just keep things light and fun!
Now you see what I meant when I said I wasn’t going to give you ridiculous advice about how to keep a man interested. These are mature suggestions. They’re based on building a relationship of respect and passion, and that’s not something that’s guaranteed in a relationship. If you’re serious about this man, you need to work to show him that you are worth his time, that you appreciate what he does, and that, even months or years down the road, he still makes your toes tingle. If he’s the right guy for you, he’ll 100% reciprocate your effort.
So now I want to hear from you in the comments below! Have you tried one or all of these strategies for how to keep a man into you? Do you have other tips to share with our Sexy Confidence community? What I love about this site is how supportive you ladies are of one another, so don’t keep your super awesome tip to yourself! Share the love!
If you find yourself stuck in a series of casual relationships where the guy refuses to commit, I recommend you check out my free Make Him Commit Webinar. I’ll teach you how to get a man to want to commit to only you.