So you want to learn how to make him miss you. You’ve tried every trick in the book, and you’re coming up short. You’re really trying to work the whole “absence makes the heart grow fonder” thing, but you could use some guidance on how to make him miss you.
That adage, by the way, is absolutely true. When you’ve got a good thing going with someone, he 100% should miss you and not be able to wait to see you again.
Missing someone is a sign that you truly care about them and that their presence isn’t easy to replace.
Here’s what I want you to take away from this article and video today:
There are five essential ways you can make him miss you. They are ridiculously effective when it comes to pulling on his heartstrings and keeping him all yours.
Watch this video, “How to Make a Guy Miss You,” to find out what they are.
Juliet was right: parting really is “such sweet sorrow.”
The feeling of longing and passion that happen when you miss your special someone can be part of the super-glue that keeps your relationship together.
Science backs this up, actually. Because being with someone you love produces a surge of serotonin and dopamine. The more time he spends with you, the more addicted to that surge he becomes. When he’s not with you, his body craves those chemicals.
So there you have it. Time apart = him going into withdrawal for you.
Basically, if he’s yearning for you, then you’re doing things right.
So… how do you like men to show you that they miss you? Let me know by leaving a comment below.
Your Coach,
Adam
PS: Want to discover 32 ways you can become an irresistible magnet for men by building your sense of self-confidence? Click here to get a copy of my best-selling book, Men Love Confident Women.
Summary
Nothing feels better than being told that someone we care about misses us when we’re apart. Whether it’s been 24 hours since your last date, or several weeks if you’re in a long-distance relationship, spending time apart can actually be good for things with your boo.
Not only does having time away from your boyfriend give you the opportunity to enjoy alone time or hang with your girlfriends, but it also gives you both time to reflect on the state of the relationship and appreciate that you’ve got a good thing going.
So let’s dive in and look at how to make him miss you and be chomping at the bit to see you again soon!
1. Be the Type of Woman He Would Actually Miss
Nancy and Peter always have a great time together. They crack each other up and have a language all their own. It’s clear that Peter enjoys spending time with Nancy.
On the other hand, Natasha and Boris bicker a lot when they’re together. Boris always prepares for Natasha’s nagging, because it feels like she’s always doing it. Spending time together is not a pleasure.
Guess which guy is going to miss his lady more when they’re apart?
Humans are actually very simple. Either we pursue pleasure or we avoid pain.
If, when he’s with you, he’s laughing, he enjoys your company, he’s connecting with you, and he gets compliments from you, he’s going to feel pleasure being with you, and he’s going to want more of that.
On the other hand, if your relationship is more like Boris and Natasha’s, all he’s hearing is you nagging for every little thing he does. The two of you might argue often, even though you care deeply for one another. Then all he’s going to feel is pain. This will not lead to him missing you. He may, in fact, choose to get away from you as often as he can!
The secret to how to make him miss you? Be an awesome girlfriend and partner. Greet him with a hug and a smile. Make him feel special. What man doesn’t love that?
If you have negative things to say, try holding them in. Or at least spread them out so your man doesn’t get hit by a barrage of criticism every time you’re together. Find constructive ways to bring up things that bother you, and you’ll be more likely to solve those issues than you would be by nagging him.
2. Give Him Some Space
Now, this might sound a little cliché, but one common theme I’ve noticed in all relationships is that men usually want a little more space than women do. Men are very different from women, and that’s something you’ll have to accept.
If he needs a healthy amount of space, you’ve got to give it to him in order to let him miss you.
Encourage him to go out with his bros to play basketball or drink whiskey (sorry to say, studies show he prefers to hang with his bros than with you!). Don’t spend every night of the week at his house, even if he invites you. He — just like you — needs distance from you in order to feel closer to you.
Sounds funny, but it’s true.
And while you’re at it, assess your own need for space.
If you find that you never ever want space from him, it’s time for you to start finding your own space anyway. It’s not healthy for couples to spend all their time together. It can cause you to neglect your friends, family, and self. You can start to rely too much on this man (and, in my mind, you always need just a dose of independence for yourself) and lose your identity.
So even if you don’t want space for yourself, it’s good for you both, and it’s one of the easiest ways to make him miss you.
Find things that you can do instead of looking lovingly into his eyes all day. Create your own little space away from him. It could be as simple as reading every morning with your coffee, even if you two live together. Or taking a vacation on your own.
The more space you both have, the more you’ll miss one another and have lots to talk about when you connect again. And it’ll set the course for a healthy marriage when the time comes.
Not all married couples prioritize alone time; 29% say they don’t have enough alone time or time for themselves. This is easily preventable if you take the time to carve out time independent of one another, so know that doing so now is a great relationship practice for down the road.
3. Stop Trying to Make Him Miss You
You’re trying too hard, lady.
Look, men aren’t stupid. We know when women are subtly (or not-so-subtly) trying to get our attention.
If, when you’re apart, you’re doing the following things, this isn’t how to make him miss you. It is, however, a good way to annoy him and even push him away. And it’s juvenile. You’re not 17. You can do better.
- Tagging him in photos on Facebook, even if he wasn’t with you when you took them
- Sending him a Snapchat every ten minutes to get his attention
- Texting his friends to see what they’re up to
- Posting pictures with other guys on Instagram to make him a little jealous
The best way to make him miss you is…
Wait for it…
To be absent. You’re not really absent if you’re popping up on social media or text every five seconds. When you’re apart, go away.
I mean that with love, my dear. But you don’t need to constantly pop up in his feed for him to think about you and make him miss you. The less you’re around, the more likely he is to reach out to get your attention.
But don’t just sit around with your arms crossed, willing him to miss you. Get a life. Find things to do. That way you’ll have much to talk about, and you won’t be sitting around, hoping he’ll text.
4. Move Slower Than He Wants
I know where you went wrong.
You didn’t take control of the pace of the relationship.
You didn’t let him miss you.
You gave all of yourself to him right from the start, and then there was nothing to miss. A lot of women assume that just because a guy really wants to keep seeing them, they should let him, that they should be as available as he wants them to be.
However, my advice is to put the brakes on.
Let him have space. Let him yearn for you a little bit because that space is going to allow you to get to know each other slowly, which ultimately is better for the foundation of a solid and committed relationship.
I’ve seen it happen far too often: couples spend every waking moment together from the start. They have sex soon. Then things fizzle within weeks, and nobody knows what happened.
I know what happened. They took things too fast and suddenly the entire relationship just burns up into flames.
On the other hand, controlling the speed of how things happen is completely in your hands, and it absolutely is one of the secrets to how to make him miss you. Maybe the first few weeks, you decide you’ll only see him on weekends, and never stay the night. Over time, you might have a sleepover every few weeks.
That can increase as you get closer, but always be prepared to have time off from one another, or go home after a date rather than crashing at his house.
Kelley Johnson, PhD, a clinical sexologist based in North Carolina, says to have the conversation about the speed of your relationship early:
“Talking about [your boundaries] early on and making sure your partner is on the same page and has an understanding of who you are is so important.”
Setting boundaries early keeps you from hurting his feelings later when you say you want some space, or want to give him some. But you’ll both benefit from it.
He’ll miss you, I guarantee.
5. Leave a Little Mystery in the Conversation
Now, there’s a reason why when we watch a trailer for a movie we can’t wait to watch the movie. Because we get, of course, a taste of what the movie is all about but we have no idea what the whole full picture is about. We certainly don’t know how it ends.
The same thing happens when you’re first getting to know a new guy. (This is especially true if you’re using dating apps, where there is, for some reason, a propensity for grilling every man and getting as much detail about his life, career, and history as possible before even that first date!)
You don’t need to tell him your three biggest life accomplishments on that first date. Spread it out a little bit.
Keep him wanting more.
Maybe you mention how you broke your arm in 12th grade, but then say well, that’s a story for another date!
That makes him look forward to the next time you’re together, when he can ask you about that crazy scar on your elbow.
It can be tempting to lay it all out on the table at once: relationship history, funny family stories, why you love your job…I get it. You’re bonding with this man, and you want him to know everything there is to know about you, and vice versa.
But doling out this data over time helps keep the relationship moving at a slow, steady pace (see #4), and always gives you more to talk about.
And when he believes there’s more depth to you, when he knows he wants to keep seeing you… he’s going to miss you. He’s going to want to dive into that complex person that is you, even if you only give him a nugget at a time.
Conclusion: How to Make Him Miss You? Stop Trying So Hard
When considering how to make him miss you the most, realize that if you put less attention into that area and simply focused on being the best girlfriend possible, that in and of itself will make him miss you and your attention.
It’s all about being confident in who you are and knowing you’re so completely missable that he’d be insane not to yearn for you when you’re apart.
Also, ask yourself why you’re so concerned about him missing you. Do you feel insecure about the future of your relationship? Is there cause for those feelings, or do you just need to feel more certain of him?
It may be that you don’t have enough fulfilling activities and interests in your life, and now you’re desperate to know you have his attention when you aren’t together. In that case, as I said in #2, get a life. What did you enjoy doing before you met, or even when you were young and had more free time?
It might be time to take up crocheting, hiking, or salsa dancing. These are all hobbies that, should he not be around, can occupy your brain and hands.
And you never know; he may be missing you and just not telling you. But it takes two to tango; make sure you’re communicating that you miss him, and he’ll be sure to reciprocate.
If you need a boost in the confidence department, download my ebook, Men Love Confident Women, today!
Hey Adam,
I have been with my boyfriend for 5 months, and he is suddenly pulling back. Distant, and is doing the first week thing of not texting or communicating.
Can I still do the distance thing now?
You may want to have an open conversation with him to see if there’s an underlying issue behind his behavior. This video is slightly more designed for single women than women in long term relationships.
Awesome advice, I agree 100%…
I have a question for you, what if he gets too rough when we play around play wrestle that he hurts me and or pushes me away in a rough mannor. Who used to be really relaxed and playful but now it seems like he purposely tries to hurt me… Maybe its what guys do when they get comfortable in a relationship, but I don’t like it.
Hey, I wished I had this advise a year ago. I simply smothered my then boyfriend to death. I was obsessive. Learned a lot still looking for new guy, but not with urgency. Thank you
Ex boyfriend called while in nc. He was talkative, a little flirty. Said he will call back. That was 3 days ago. What shall I do.
What should I ask him. Or should I wait for him to call being that I am doing a nc.
Adam, amazing video, I am impressed! Please keep up the good work! I am a single woman and I have responded to a handsome man’s flirts after like 2 months of him making it more obvious…I have put the breaks on from the beginning and to my surprise he kept insisting and making it more obvious! Here is the catch: I have rewarded him by teasing him a bit and introducing myself and being bold a little bit, bc I wanted him to get a reward and to know what he’s been doing is what I like…however, once I got to feel a bit “more comfortable” and start making small conversations here and there ( every 2 weeks or so, when we run into each other), he now started to pull away slightly, and I didn’t do ANYTHING about it, literally, just being myself, feminine, relaxed, NOT bothered by his pulling away…NOW, this guy didn’t even ask me out, but his face lightened up, he couldn’t stop smiling, it was in his eyes, face, everywhere, of course I noticed how much he liked me…I am a bit confused now, bc he worked hard ( 2 months) to get my attention and get a reward ( me teasing him, introducing myself, giving him a sign that I like him too) to only create a bit of distance once I feel more comfortable! Given that we never went out ( he didn’t ask for a ph number or anything) what should I do? We run into each other when I get off gym and he is at work! Last night I had seen him squeezing his head after me when I passed by (at his work place) and he seemed to careless about him being at work and have his employees seeing him doing that squeezing head after a woman but care far more FOR ME NOT TO SEE HIM squeezing his head to check me out! What happens? he made it plain obvious BEFORE for 2mo, now he seems to create distance but checks me out secretly ( or so he thinks :)). Should I say something given taht he didn’t even make a move on me, or should I allow his teh space he seems to want? I want to give this man a real chance, I liked his persistence :).
I wanna buy one of your programs, looking through them right now!
All the best and please know you are doing a great job serving us females!
Hi Alexandra, This is exactly what happens to me. A lot. Do everything by the book and it does not produce results. Generally you suddenly see these guys with some bland Miss Piggy woman a month or so later. From what I have understood so far, these men think they are not good enough for you. Unfortunately, I never found any way of solving this. Once they believe this, you cannot change it. Only he can. Just find a guy who thinks he IS worthy of you. Very hard to find. Classy agency is your best bet.
OMG!!!! Yes!!!! I met a great guy last year. and another one this year well a few since my move to Las Vegas actually!!
Im not gonna brag but my momma gave birth to a beauty and I can’t hide it on my worst day. I’m intelligent, sweet and spicy saucy, intuitive. I work out and have a very nice natural body and no im not in my 20’s or 30’s either. everywhere i go almost everyday i get noticed by men and women alike. ive come to the conclusion that some of these me DO NOT BELIEVE THEY DESERVE A FINE ASS WOMAN such as myself. I know this because, with a couple of them they went for the woman who had less requirements and lower standards. they were I won’t say ugly, but i mean if we’re being honest, they were not a woman I could have been compared to. i hate saying this because beauty is in the eye of the beholder and we are born with what we have. i don’t say what i said to sound rude, but all women don’t look the same just like all men are not 220 with perfect abs full head of hair and perfect teeth and gorgeous blue eyes etc. plus one of them even told me he couldn’t give me what i was looking for. and he was probably right after hindsight. i do want a man who can afford a car, and i do want a man who is willing to call me and not use texting as much. i do want a man who isn’t hung up on his druggie ex girlfriend and I do want a man who can get his own place to live. yeah now that i think about it he was right.
Modesty may be more attractive to these men. Lmao.
M, you said exactly what I was thinking.
Agreed
Hi Adam,
So I met this guy about 3 weeks ago online and if was very much like the scenario you showed in your video. At least for the first week. I was then out of town for a week preparing to move my stuff to another state. He flew out to hel0 me drive the truck. However, since returning, it feels like he’s pulling away. I’m giving him the space, but I fear he won’t come back. Any suggestion?
Hi Heather, I see how common is for men to pull away, even if BEFORE going out for getting to know each other a little better, to basically see if we are/not a good match, as in my OWN CASE (read above). If I allowed Adam’s videos to sink in a bit, my own opinion would be that WE GIVE TO MUCH FUSS about these guys! Seriously! At least in my case, I introduced myself,, I teased him a bit and initiate a flirtatious funny SHORT conversation to give him the hint that I am INTERESTED (after I had seen him working for my attention for about 2 months) that he seemed to enjoy it very much and he already pulls away? I respect his own space as of right now, but he doesn’t get anything more from me but respecting his space, UNTIL MORE /IF ANYTHING happens! Going to another date this weekend, actually! while he has his own space, you gotta keep on circulating for your own sake and you would not have wasted your time whatever the outcome turns out to be! Am I right Adam or am I loving myself a little bit too much? :))
I feel like a guy is into me if he calls or texts something immediately after the first date. If we say goodbye and I don’t hear anything then I figure he had liked me but he didn’t like me that much! I almost always have good dates but one of us doesn’t feel a spark. So when we both agree to a second date, I feel more excited if the guy texts or calls me the next day. Nothing major just something to show me he’s thinking of me. I never ask a guy to be exclusive with me. I keep dating until he asks to be exclusive and I try to hold back from seeing him everyday until he starts showing me I matter. For me, I like a “good morning” text or a call on the drive to work. It feels warmer and connected, especially it we aren’t going to see each other that day or the next. Otherwise it constantly feels like we are starting over and the engine is cold 🙂 Ex: I just ended it with a guy I was really attracted to, he had a great job, told me I was beautiful a few times, was affectionate in public, made the effort to plan dates but then the day after the date ….nothing. Then a call the following day”Hi, just checking in”. I was so turned off I didn’t want to call back. I called and his phone dimeanor was so matter of fact. So we had a long conversation and at the end he asked if I wanted to see him again but he didn’t commit to a day! The next day -zip, nada, no call or text. Then he called again “Hi, just checking in”…What am I ? His boss? So I texted “Do you want to see me circle “yes” or ” no ” and please let me know a few days you are free before I commit to some weekend plans. He sends a cute graphic and circles “yes” but doesnt answer the question of days he is available then I don’t hear from him for another day. He calls late evening and leaves another lame message. So I figure that the reason he is “hot” and affectionate when we are together but then cold and dismissive when we are not together is that he “is not that into me” and probably juggling other women. So I text “that I dont feel a warm connection, so we should not continue” If I am wrong (which I doubt) he just needed to text or call me with the same enthusiasm and warmth he had in person. If he did, I would be excited to see him and continue.
Hey Adam, this is good, i will try thoes five things.
thank you
Dear Adam, We broke up with my ex last March and he wanted it, he suddenly cut everything after a nice day we spent together and it was a new kinda relationship for 2.5 months (I know you think I am crazy but it was intense 2.5 months 🙂 and he called me as girlfriend after 2 weeks and after 1.5months he said that I don’t remember lmfabo ) )He is also divorced man 6 years ago. I used no contact rule and it kinda worked. As you said, that distance helped me to understand what was wrong by my side and his side. I read a lot of book and watched a lot podcast. After almost 7 months we saw each other but you know things happened in same day. He thought I tried to get commitment from him but he open the conversation actually. After that day, we texted each other and he said that “I just want to take our time. I cut to talk again around 5 days .Probably he sees someone else too and I should say he is acting very professional like how you call may be playballll lol .
Problem is I don’t feel anything for any other person, and do not see anyone else. I dont think I am stuck but we have many common things and i am extremely happy when we are together and he seems same but this puzzle make me sick too.
By the time, I am actually very busy person and try to focus myself more. I go school after work, and gym after school and I will start kick boxing at weekend soon due to my schedule is full during the week between I am getting ready for lunching my online business.
Could you please advise me about what I can do with this man? Do you think he is just playing? Can A man fake everything that real?
Hi Adam,
This is great advice! However, I may be a little too late in receiving it. I like this guy and we had an amazing connection for a couple months. As soon as I decided he was someone I wanted to be with, we started doing everything together and I began outwardly letting him know I care. Now he seems barely interested at all. Is there recovery from this or is it time to just move on? Thank you
Adam, can you, please, respond shortly to us, the ones we posted replies in here? At least a quick guidance about what you think the missing point of the big picture is in each of us situations! I don’t want to post a reply again on you tube. I just bought your book and another program, but until I will have the time to go through the entire thing and figure myself out WHERE I did wrong/or WHERE HE doesn’t pick up the pace, I could really use your educated smell that says it as it is! My guy is at work every time I run into him…he is Police, yeah, Mr. Police, but he is NOT ashamed to squeeze his head after me though, he just wanna make sure I don’t see him lately after he pulled off…so I don’t think he is not making the move bc the “work thing”….am I missing anything?
Hello Adam. Thanks for offering such an exciting post and video. You’ve HIT the nail on the head! From my experience, yes, men totally enjoy their SPACE and we should make sure they get it. Respect his space and have him respect yours. Confident women with a touch of mystery and charm will most likely excite men to pursue and return again and again. I enjoy spontaneity and time spent exclusively enjoying my own range of soothing pleasures. First enjoy loving yourself – having a massage, facial, pedicure, and or just spending time at favorite events with other special friends and family. SPACE can make the relationship exciting!
that was an excellent video adam
BIG like
Hi Adam,
Great videos and ebook! I found your website and youtube at the perfect time.
I have a question/scenerio thats driving me insane.
I know a guy for years and we finally kissed at a social event with friends. He then invites me to his families wedding and introduces me to his family, who turned out to love me. We had a great time and he was a complete gentleman.
He even confessed that was attracted me to a year ago but never pursued me.
He has personal family issues come up and I haven’t heard from him in almost 2 weeks. I really like him but I know giving space is what he needs.
Should I reach out or continue to give him space? I see that even though we haven’t spoke in 2 weeks he still likes my post on Facebook. I’m confused.
Wow! Sure wish I had seen this video sooner! I had the best guy and did things all wrong. Thank you for that video. Im going to take notes and read it daily!!!
Sincerely,
Miss Jones
Hey Adam I slept with a guy too soon and have been sleeping with him I don’t feel like he’s looking for anything serious cause he said he wants to take things slow after it all happened. I know he sees other women he told me he likes me an sees himself with me but not right now because he said he doesn’t think it will take much for us to get in a relationship so he wants to let more time pass he invited me to go on vacation with him I don’t know what any of this means really I tried to have an open talk with him about it by saying it’s okay tell me if you don’t want anything serious we can just end it now cause I don’t want to get hurt but he still claims he wants to be with me just not right away what do you think ? Should I run?
Hi Adam,
I had a guy start chatting with me from a dating site for a few day, but we never talk on the phone. The last day we chatted he didn’t talk as much as the other days. My issue with men is they just want to talk about sex and I refuse because if that is all they want, then that is all it is, in my opinion. So the last day we were not able to meet in the afternoon per his request which I don’t normally do and he mentions maybe tomorrow which was Friday. He was usually first to send a text but I hadn’t heard from him and sent a late morning text. Good morning, how are you? No response Friday or Saturday and then later on Sunday he texted me, which, I ignored the texts he sent. Then two days later he sends another text like 3 of them. Stating, I guess you don’t want to talk to me but none of his texts explain why he disappear or tried in any way explaining is absentance. So many men are married on these sites, or just looking for sex, and so many are talking to several women at the same time. My problem was he wasn’t available on Friday or Saturday a common date night and he totally disrespected me, I felt. I have never had a guy to do that to me. I also am quite frustrated with men as it is. I’m older and old fashion and believe a man should respect a women. Was I wrong to call him out on this?
Thanks,
Connie
Hi Adam –
My boyfriend of almost four years broke up with me and I’m so sad. He’s been reaching out to check on me for the first four days and then just dropped off. How would this article apply to my situation? I’m not clinging to the hope of him coming back, but there’s always a chance he’ll miss me and realize what he lost. I’ve been initiating no contact with him.
Hey! I’m 19& I may have a crush on this guy who approached me in WhatsApp! I was distant at first cuz that’s what I’m like with strangers ,especially guys, who tries to talk to me even when I make it clear that I don’t want to have a conversation with them. But now its been two months and turns out he is not some stranger, he is in same college as me and we have two out of four classes together.
We usually chat all day, and at college he now sits beside me/with me. But now that I’m definitely having these weird feelings for him , I dunno if he feels the same or not. So, should I play distance card now? And see if he miss me or not! ,
Actually I’m afraid that If i continue be near him and talk to him all day , I’ll just fell more for him and when it will become clear that he isn’t interested at all I’ll end up hurting.
I am older women I guess Cena younger guy that’s like 20 years younger than me it was supposed to be a one night stand it’s been over and I finally told him I liked him and he doesn’t know what to say he’s really young early twenties
and we’ve been missing out for over a year
will I’m age 16 names Kaitlyn and my ex tried to call and I lied and said that I would report him to the cops if he talked to me again. that was because I freaked out. it was to soon. now he misses me and it’s about the 5 month since dating him for one week in a half like 5 months ago. back in November. text me on my Instagram: stylegirl1.
I don’t know what else to do
Hey so I met a really cool guy when he was out here on holiday.. we really connected had an amazing time together he said he would keep in contact and I could go visit in a few months.
Well since he’s got home his messages have stopped was it just a holiday fling and he was just stringing me along? We really connected I miss him but don’t know if I should reach out to him anymore.
I really like this man who is 20 years older, married and has a really I’ll wife who is 4 years older than him. I want to take it slow because I’m really in for the long haul, don’t mind waiting for him but I don’t wish to return to an adulterous relationship, I want to marry.
You’re great!!
maybe you should lead someone on for as long as you do before showing that kind of attention back. and you wonder why men think their not good enough for you resulting in pulling away. not being funny but too many women out there expect the men to try try and try only for THEM to get the so called ‘reward’. ever considered making it a mutual thing and not all female onesided letting the man feel like he has to earn some kind of reward..
And you know this guy for 13 years. We started dating a year-and-a-half ago. But we get into little arguments because he talks to his ex-girlfriend and he lies to me about it. And now we have broken up and he still doing the same thing. Is it worth it to try to work things out. Or he will never change.
Been with my boyfriend for 6 years we have 2 beautiful Little boys together And about 2 weeks ago He started to get distant with me and I kept trying to plan stuff to do with him and you kept blowing me off And 5 days ago he broke it off with me But wants me to still live with him And sleep with him But we’re not together I don’t know what to think or how to feel All I know is that I don’t wanna be with anybody else but him I can’t get you another man in my life at all I don’t want you I’m 36 he’s 38 Our kids are 2 and 4 Is there anything I can do to get him to love me or be in love with me again He says he’ll always love me He’s not in love with me anymore
well been dating for a 1yrear and 1/2 really like this guy but he knows that and he distance himself never married hitting 50 yrs old but i see hes unhappy. i kept comming around felt like we connected. might be just me but he said he does like me but not enough. Any suggestions?