So you’ve been dating this man for a while, and things are progressing. Still, you’re wondering how to tell if a guy is serious about you so you don’t waste your precious time if he’s not.
Short of actually asking him, how can you know if a guy is serious about you? What should you look for? What are the signs?
How to Tell if a Guy is Serious About You (12 Foolproof Signs)
Not to worry, Sexy Confident Lady. I am here to help. I’ve coached thousands of women and men as they navigate the waters of dating and relationships, and I’ve definitely found that men do a few things when they’re ready to commit to a woman. If your guy exhibits some of these signs of how to tell if a guy is serious about you, then you’re golden.
1. He’s the One Who Brings Up Being Exclusive
If he tells you that he wants the two of you to only date one another, then…SCORE! That’s the easiest way to tell if a guy is serious about you. He tells you!
With my clients, I’ve seen this happen usually within the first month or two. Believe it or not, there are men out there who are looking for a long-term relationship! These are the guys who say they want an LTR in their dating profiles, who actually try to get to know you, and who aren’t trying to date numerous women at the same time.
2. He Checks in With You Multiple Times a Day
My girlfriend Jessica has told me that she likes it when I text her throughout the day. It makes her feel like I’m thinking about her (which I am). Even if you’ve been dating just a few weeks, if he’s texting or calling you at least once or twice a day, then he’s serious about you. He’s taking time out of his busy workday to let you know that you’re on his mind. A guy who just wants something casual wouldn’t bother.
Even if he isn’t trying to have a full-fledged conversation with you in the middle of the day, a little kissy emoji sent your way makes you feel great, doesn’t it?
3. You’re Spending More and More Time Together
When you first started dating, you saw each other once a week…
That increased to two to three times a week…
Now you’re spending at least half the week with your fella, whether that’s just meeting up for coffee, going out for a meal, or staying at one another’s house overnight.
Realize that a man who isn’t ready to commit will use his time as a shield. He’ll make up excuses about why he can’t spend more time with you. But if you want to know how to tell if a guy is serious about you, pay attention to how much time you’re spending together. If he’s the one initiating it, he’s totally into you.
4. You Do More Than Just Have Sex
Looking back at the last man you dated, you realize you really never went on actual dates. You’d just get a text from him (at night, no less) asking if he could come over. He would and you’d have sex. He might engage in a little pillow talk, but after that, he was outta there.
You weren’t even dating that guy…he was getting a hookup. You might not have even realized it until right now. Because this guy is sooo completely different. He wants to do fun things with you like go to museums, hang out on the beach, or attend concerts.
A man who’s serious about you will make an effort to have experiences with you outside of the bedroom.
5. He Makes You a Priority
We’re all busy people. The man you’re seeing might have a busy work schedule or even kids that keep him juggling, but he makes you a priority. He takes time out of his day to call or text you, and he makes an effort to see you, even if things in his world are crazy.
Yes, he has a life outside of spending time with you. He has friends he hangs out with. Activities he enjoys. But you feel like you’re high on his list, and that makes you feel good. Make sure you make him feel the same.
6. He Calls You His Girlfriend
One way how to tell if a guy is serious about you is that he readily calls you his girlfriend. There’s none of this “do we really need to put a label on it?” He’s ready to show you off as his lady, and there’s no gray area about the role you play.
Don’t take this move lightly. He’s asked himself some serious questions before taking this leap. He’s considered whether he sees a future with you, whether he has time and energy to devote to a relationship, and whether he sees you as compatible with his life. Clearly, the answer to all those questions is a resounding YES!
7. He Makes Future Plans
It seems a small thing, but a man who makes plans for down the road with you is serious as a heart attack about your relationship.
Back when I was in my player phase, I wouldn’t make plans with any woman longer than one week out; I even called it my 1 Week Rule. Sounds horrible, I know, but it’s the truth. A lot of men are the same; they know that if they start planning too far in advance, you’ll get the impression that they plan to be around a long time when they don’t. So a man who isn’t shy about planning a romantic getaway in a couple of months or buying concert tickets for later in the year is one who knows he’s going to stick around to be with you.
8. He Does Thoughtful Things for You
He’s first in line when Pumpkin Spice Lattes roll out at Starbucks in the fall (it’s your favorite drink)…
He makes you chicken noodle soup when you’re sick…
He tells you about a sale he saw at your favorite store…
This guy does a million tiny thoughtful things to make you smile because he cares. He’s not trying to get something from you. He simply wants to contribute to your happiness.
9. He Asks Your Opinion
“Which shirt looks better?”
“Do you think I should quit my job?”
“Where do you want to go for dinner?”
“What are your thoughts on the whole [hot political topic]?”
Whether it’s a big or a small topic, your guy wants your opinion. He cares what you think. Realize that this doesn’t happen every day. You’ve likely gone out with a few guys who didn’t remotely care what you thought about anything, but this guy? He’s different.
And it’s good news. If he’s getting your insight on things and actually making decisions based on what you say, it’s a sign that he’s serious about you.
10. He’s Introduced You to Friends and/or Family
Nothing says a guy is ready to commit to you like introducing you to the people who matter to him. A man who just wants something casual will never even tell his friends or family that he’s dating anyone since he knows you won’t be around long. It’s a real commitment to bring home a woman, even if he’s older. His parents of course just want their son to be happy, so he’s communicating that you make him happy if he introduces you to them.
And kids are an even bigger deal. A father will be protective of his children, especially when it comes to having romantic partners around them. He may put off introducing you to them for several months until he’s sure that you’ll be around for the long haul. He doesn’t want to disrupt their lives by bringing in a different woman every few months, so if he’s willing to let you meet them, realize you are entering his inner sanctum of trust. Respect that.
11. He Actually Listens to You
One of the things you hated about your ex-husband was how he never really listened to you. You’d express your feelings about something or just share something with him, and he’d look up from his football game and say, “Huh?”
Being heard is a top want on your list of qualities you are looking for in a man. You don’t need his attention 100% of the time, but you do want to feel like when you talk, he’s paying attention.
And this guy is. He’ll frequently refer back to something you said — even weeks ago — and you’re stunned at just how well he’s paying attention. Why is he doing it? Because he cares about you. He’s soaking you up like a sponge.
If you want to know how to tell if a guy is serious about you, say something and then kind of secretly quiz him on it later. Like you could say you’re considering taking a trip to either Malta or Malaysia, then later ask which he thinks would be better (without reminding him which places you mentioned). It’s a little silly game, but it’ll show if he’s actually listening.
12. He Asks Questions to Get to Know You
Not only does he listen, but he also wants to know more! Whereas you’ve always been the one asking questions on past dates, this guy keeps diving deeper and deeper into you. He wants to know about your childhood. Past relationships. Hopes. Fears. You haven’t had this much spotlight shone on you since…well, ever! And you like it.
Just make sure you’re as curious about him as he is you, or he’ll grow tired of being the only one asking questions.
And If He’s Not Serious About You…
By now you probably have a fairly good sense of how to tell if a guy is serious about you and whether this one is. But if he’s not exhibiting any of the characteristics above (and is showing some of the ones below) after a few weeks or months, it may be time to move on.
1. He Refuses to Commit
You’ve actually had conversations with this guy like…
“What are you looking for?”
“Do you want to be my boyfriend?”
“I’m not seeing anyone else…are you?”
And these conversations never go well. They usually end with him pulling away and saying, “hey babe. We’re having a good time. Why ruin it by trying to predict the future? I’m a free spirit, girl.”
Ugg. I hate this guy. You want one thing (a committed partner). He wants something else (sex and companionship on his schedule). The two will never be the same. Better for you to get out now before you really get hurt.
He Says You’re “Hanging Out”
You use the word “date.” He says “hanging out.”
You call him your boyfriend. He calls you his friend.
Words are important. His word choice communicates that he is in no way serious about you. A real man who is ready to commit to a loving relationship isn’t afraid of words like commit. Relationship. Boyfriend. Future. Date.
Don’t let this guy dictate how you look for love (in the wrong places). Leave him to hang out by himself. You’ve got better ways to spend your time.
2. You Only Hear from Him When You Reach Out
You’re realizing that the only time you hear from him is when you text or call…unless it’s his text at 11 pm: “you up?” (And we know what he’s after with that one.)
You are not a priority to this man. He isn’t thinking of you unless you pop up on his phone screen.
Try this: don’t text him. See how long it takes him to get in touch with you for more than a bootie call.
He Says He’s Not Ready for Anything Serious
He’s got all kinds of excuses as to why now is not a good time for him to get into a relationship. Essentially, these are just that: excuses. The right man wouldn’t let anything stand in the way of love. No job, no stress, no family situation would bar him from jumping into a relationship with you. Nothing.
So know that a man who has tons of excuses is one that will never be serious with you.
Now that you know how to tell if a guy is serious about you, what do you think? Is the guy you’re with the real deal? Is he one you can delete your dating apps for and settle down with? Or are you simply trying to convince yourself that this guy could be serious about you if only XYZ.
If only his divorce were final…
If only he wasn’t working 60 hours a week…
If only he wasn’t dating 5 other women.
I want you to take a realistic look at this situation so that you don’t settle for a Good Enough relationship. You want love, and you will find it, but this guy probably isn’t it. A man who is serious about you will be so from practically the start. You’ll feel it. If you don’t, then move on, because he’s out there waiting for you while you’re wasting your time with this bozo!
Leave a comment below and let me know: is this guy serious about you or wasting your time?
If you’re barking up the wrong tree, set him free and enroll immediately in my Attract the One Academy so you can get on track to finding the guy who is ready to commit to you.