Things have been going really great with the guy you’re dating. He’s made it past all your filters and dealbreakers, and you’re starting to see some real long-term potential with him.
Thing is…you are worried this feeling is one-sided. And you don’t want to have your heart broken again after the things you’ve been through in past relationships. How can you tell if he loves you without making a fool of yourself?
First: Slow Your Roll and Take Your Time
You’re likely in the early stages of infatuation: when this man can do no wrong and seems absolutely perfect in your eyes. While you certainly could be in love, give it time to make sure your feelings don’t fade. If it is love, take your time falling. It’ll be all the sweeter for doing so.
Going slow also gives him time to process his feelings and open up to you.
How to Tell if He Loves You: 12 Signs
He loves me…
…he loves me not…
Let’s look at something more concrete than pulling petals off of a daisy to tell if he loves you or if you’re alone in your feelings.
1. He’s Putting in Just as Much Energy as You Are
Thinking back through the text conversations you’ve had with this man…do you start all of them…does he…or is it fairly balanced?
Do you both take turns planning dates or otherwise putting energy into the relationship?
That’s what you want in a balanced partnership: equal effort. If you look back and realize you were always the one doing the heavy lifting, he may just be riding along with you until something better comes along.
The best way to test this? Pull back in your efforts and see if he steps up. Wait to see how long it is before he initiates a text or asks you out.
2. He’s Letting You In
Maybe he opened up to you about how much the death of his grandfather still hurts, or shares something about a past relationship. Whatever he’s confiding, it’s a good thing because it means he feels safe enough with you to be vulnerable.
Don’t take his confidence for granted, and don’t make it one-sided. Make sure you’re opening up to him as well.
3. He’s Willing to Compromise
A good relationship means that both people have to sometimes compromise. Does he? Maybe you love Mexican food and he’s not a huge fan, but he lets you pick tacos for dinner tonight. Or maybe he goes to a fancy dinner party where he knows no one because he knows it means something to you.
4. He Has Introduced You to Family and Friends
Take it from me: men do not introduce women they’re casual with to family and friends. They know that they’ll be asked tons of questions about anyone they bring to their inner circle (are you guys serious? are you going to get married?) and he will avoid those questions if he doesn’t have answers. So if you’ve been invited in, don’t take it for granted.
Make sure you’re doing the same, otherwise how will he know that he’s special enough to meet those close to you?
5. He Talks About the Future
“Next year we should go to Hawaii,” he says, warming you from head to toe.
or maybe it’s:
“We would have the cutest kids together, don’t ya think?”
It’s great that he’s thinking about the future with you! It is a sign that he’s in love with you…otherwise, why would he be thinking far into the future?
This is a good time to test the waters to find out what he wants exactly in his future. Marriage? Kids? Moving? This helps you ensure you’re aligned in what you’re looking for.
6. You Feel It
You can’t put your finger on it…but you just get a sense that this man is falling for you. Maybe it’s because you catch him gazing at you or you notice how tender he is with you. If your intuition is telling you that he’s in love with you, you’re probably right.
Be sure, though! Don’t decide after one sweet thing that he’s head over heels. Look for changes in his behavior over several weeks as a sign he’s in love with you.
7. He Gets “That Look”
You know the look I’m talking about. If you want to know how to tell he loves you, look out for that lingering glance, his eyes shiny and big like a puppy dog. He’s communicating how he feels in a way that feels safe…without words.
If you feel the same, give him your own looks in return.
8. Sex Has Gotten More Emotional
Maybe when you first started having sex, he’d close his eyes or look away. Maybe it was wham, bam, thank you, ma’am.
But you’ve definitely noticed a change. It’s less…well, I don’t want to use that crude word around a lady like you…and is now more…lovemaking. He holds your eye contact. Is sweeter. More concerned about giving you pleasure than getting it himself.
9. He Checks in With You For No Reason
Your guy will text or call you in the middle of the day just to say hello or see how you’re doing. He didn’t use to do this…and you rather like it. If you want to know how to tell if he loves you, pay attention to behaviors like this that have changed over the past few weeks or months.
10. He Has Learned Your Love Language
There’s a trend I approve of that has men and women talking about their love languages on dating apps and in person. I think you really understand someone better when you know how they express love and want to feel it expressed by their partner.
Let’s say your top love language is acts of service. If he’s really paying attention, he will start doing thoughtful things for you, like washing your dog without you asking or massaging your feet after a hard day. The fact that he knows this is the way to your heart says he’s looking for the most direct path there!
11. He Pays Attention
Maybe you’ve never been with a man who actually seems to listen to what you say, so you’re blown away by how much this man retains of what you’ve said. Maybe weeks ago you mentioned casually that your favorite flower is a daisy…and then he showed up today with a bouquet of them! Or maybe you told him a silly story about growing up that he repeats back to you verbatim long after you tell it.
If he’s paying that much attention, he might have fallen for you.
12. He Sees You for Who You Are
We all just want to be seen by someone, don’t we? We want someone to recognize the greatness in us without us having to show them. We want to be authentic, to not feel like we have to put up masks around other people.
If this man gets it, if he truly sees you for who you are, he’s a keeper! He has to care enough to really look beneath the surface to know and care who you really are inside.
What Should You Do Now?
Okay, so signs are pointing to the fact that this guy might, in fact, be in love with you, right? So you’re wondering what to do.
If you feel the same, start doing some of the things on this list to let him know you feel the same. I know there’s always that delicate balance of “do I say I love you first…or wait for him to say it?”
I get it. Maybe you’re not ready to put yourself out there like that, or would feel better with him saying it first. So make sure your actions are speaking louder than the words you don’t want to say so he gets the message and says those magical three words to you soon.
If you’re not sure that the guy you’re with does, in fact, love you after reading this list, you have two choices: give it time or move on. If you’ve been with him several months and don’t see things progressing as you want, it may be time to set this one free so you can make room for the guy who will totally tumble head over heels for you.
Talk to me in the comments below: which of these signs, if any, is your guy exhibiting? What do you plan to do next?
If this guy isn’t Mr. Right, it’s time to find the one who is. Sign up for my Attract the One workshop to find him.