So you want to know how to text a guy to keep him interested?
Gone are the days when you would only talk on the phone to a guy you were dating. Now, texting has become the norm both when getting to know someone new as well as once that relationship develops.
This is both a good and bad thing. On the one hand, you have time to think about what you want to say to the guy you’re interested in…
On the other hand, it’s all too easy to misunderstand his text or worry if you don’t hear back in a timely manner.
Interestingly, a recent study shows that if you have similar texting habits, you’re more likely to be satisfied in your relationship. So if you’re a first-thing-in-the-morning texter or someone who writes novel-length texts and he is too, you’re likely to hit it off!
Texting and Online Dating
One area that is especially important for texting is online dating. Most dating apps and sites include a messaging component that is essentially texting. This is how you initially discover whether you like one another or not, so if you’re dabbling in the world of dating online, you’ll want to take notes on how to text a guy to keep him interested.
From the first introductory text to the one that gets you off of the app and texting directly to one another, knowing the ins and outs of texting can be hugely beneficial.
How to Text a Guy to Keep Him Interested
Now that you’ve admitted there’s no getting away from texting as you navigate the big, exciting world of dating, let’s look at a few tips that will help you learn how to text a guy to keep him interested.
1. Never, Ever Text Just ‘Hi!’
I don’t know when we started getting so lazy, but the ‘hi’ text is by far the laziest possible option when it comes to texting. Sure, you’re just trying to prod him to see if he’s around and wants to text, but there are so many more creative ways to get his attention.
Instead, give him a reason to respond. Here are a few examples.
Hey good lookin’. How’s your morning going?
Hola cutie. Been thinking of you all morning…
What each of these examples does is a) lets him know you’re thinking about him and b) give him something to respond to. The entire point of texting is to engage in conversation, so keep your goal in mind. Are you looking to make plans with him for tonight? Just catch up on your day? Have a more heartfelt conversation? Keep that goal in mind when you initiate a conversation.
2. Show Him You Have a Life
I know it seems silly that men would like it when you’re unavailable, but don’t underestimate the power of the chase. Make yourself too available, and you might turn him off. But show him that you’re a busy lady with lots going on, and he’ll want you even more.
If you want to learn how to text a guy to keep him interested, let him know you’re not always available. If you’re headed out with friends, respond to his text but let him know you’re walking out the door and that you’ll check in later.
First of all, this is just courteous because (and you know I’m right) when you send a text and someone doesn’t respond for hours, you start to get nervous. This way, you’re acknowledging his text but also letting him gently know you’re not available.
You can also text him about what you’re up to. Send him a photo of the fish you just caught or the band you’re watching. This makes him feel more connected to you while also showing him that you’re not sitting around waiting for him to text.
Here are some examples:
Good to hear from you! I’m actually walking out the door to meet friends for happy hour. Can I get back to you tonight?
Just saw the most amazing jazz band at the restaurant I’m at. You’d love them! [picture]
3. Ask Him Questions
You know you love it when the guy you’re dating asks you questions about your life and interests, so why wouldn’t you reciprocate? Asking questions about his job, his family, his hobbies, or his day is an excellent strategy in how to text a guy to keep him interested. By showing your own interest in his life, he is reassured that you dig him, and he’ll respond in kind.
Hey, how did that big meeting go today? I was crossing my fingers for you!
Your sister’s coming to town tomorrow, right? What do you have planned?
4. Don’t Always Respond Immediately
Okay, you know I don’t advocate playing games in dating, but this isn’t really a game. It’s more of a strategy that will help you down the road. What happens if you text him back within seconds now, but a few weeks or months from now you lose interest and drag out the time between responses? He’ll pick up on that immediately.
Also, again, is the chase factor. If you respond too quickly, he’ll feel like you’re always available, and that will take the challenge away.
Another good rule of thumb is to pay attention to how quickly (or slowly) he is to respond to your texts. If he takes all day, you certainly don’t need to reply to him within seconds. But if he’s fast to respond, you can do the same.
I don’t have an example for this tip on how to text a guy to keep him interested. Just wait twice as long as you want to before you respond. Or put your phone across the room so you actually don’t hear that he’s texted you!
5. Use Emojis Without Going Overboard
Just as texting has evolved over the past years, so has the use of emojis. It’s not just teenagers using them. Emojis can better express the intention behind your words, which is important because it’s all too easy to misinterpret a text.
But pay attention to how often you use those emojis (and gifs are great, too). If this guy never sends a single emoji, you don’t want to come off as juvenile by peppering your texts with them. Match his cadence.
For this example, let’s look at how an emoji can better illustrate meaning behind a text.
Without emoji: Who said anything about me missing you?
With emoji: Who said anything about me missing you? 😉
Without emoji: I haven’t seen you all week!
With emoji: I haven’t seen you all week! 😢
6. Let Him Initiate (Sometimes)
I know you’re super excited about this new guy, lady, but don’t be overeager by always initiating the text conversation. Let him come to you.
Then give him reinforcement. Let’s say he texts every morning to wish you a happy day. This pleases you immensely. Let him know how much you like his morning texts, and he’ll keep up the good work.
That being said, don’t make your texting completely one-sided. For every few texts he sends first, initiate one. This shows him that you like him and aren’t afraid to give a little.
Learning how to text a guy to keep him interested means you’ll need to pay attention to patterns and tempos. Be observant and you’ll soon see that he texts you at the same time(ish) every day. Surprise him by beating him to it some days.
7. Have a Purpose with Each Text Convo
I touched on this at the start of this article on how to text a guy to keep him interested. Having a purpose or goal for each text conversation will ensure it flows.
Do you want to make plans for the weekend? Get to know him on a deeper level? Just check in to let him know you’re thinking of him? Have that purpose in mind when you text so you can keep the conversation on track. Plus, this keeps you from wasting his time, since you have no idea what he’s in the middle of when he receives your text.
Hey honey! Just confirming our plans for tomorrow night to meet at the park.
Hiya! I read this great article about mythology that reminded me of our convo on the subject the other day. What are your thoughts on…
8. Wait Til He Responds Before Texting Again
Here’s an excellent tip on how to text a guy to keep him interested. If you send one text, do not text him again until you hear from him.
I know in the early days of dating you may be filled with insecurity, and him taking hours to respond to you may make you worry that he’s ghosted or is no longer interested. But take a deep breath and have a little patience.
Realize that you don’t know what’s going on with him. He could be out with friends. Asleep. His phone could be dead. Silence is not a death sentence. And bombarding him with text after text when he’s unavailable is a huge turnoff.
9. Don’t Txt Lk a Teen
We all want shortcuts in life, but please don’t make abbreviating your texts one of them. You are not a teenager. Don’t text like one.
It takes milliseconds to fully spell out a word versus abbreviate it. And there’s always voice to text if you’re lazy or have fat thumbs! So avoid these:
Now, I’m not saying you can’t occasionally throw out an LOL, but realize that you might give off the impression of being juvenile if you go overboard.
10. Be Witty
One of the best ways to build a bond with a man you’re dating is through witty banter. It balances the heavier conversations (“what do you do? what are you looking for? have you ever been married?”), and laughter is a great connector.
In psychological studies, researchers found that men like women to be funny, especially at the start of a relationship. It indicates to them flirtatiousness and receptivity.
So throw some witty lines out there via text.
You think you can beat me in the 5K tomorrow? You better pack a lunch!
Show me yours and I’ll show you mine…
I was talking about tattoos, perv! What did you think I meant? 😉
11. Know When to Take it Off Text
The fact is: texting isn’t always the best communication channel for the situation. Phone calls (or better: face-to-face) allows the conversation to flow faster and better, so if your texts are getting lengthy or the subject is heavy (his grandmother is dying), suggest you change the channel.
Katherine Hertlein, a psychologist at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, says it’s important to determine the best channel for the conversation. She says that asynchronous methods (like texting) are better for problem-solving because they give you more time to digest the information you’ve gotten and think about how you want to reply.
Synchronous methods, like a phone call or video chat, can be more engaging for more serious conversations.
I can talk faster than I can type. Wanna continue this conversation on the phone?
12. Occasionally Send a Photo
Communication isn’t just verbal or written. You can also communicate with a photo now and then, sent via text or Snapchat. It’s okay to send a cute selfie occasionally, but please, ladies, don’t overdo it! Sending too many selfies to him can come off as conceited or self-involved.
Instead, mix it up. Send a photo of something you think he’d laugh at or a snapshot of what you’re doing right now.
Ask for them back. If he’s hiking today, ask for a pic of the summit. Having him share photos is a great way to keep him engaged and can take the conversation to a new level.
My soufflé turned out great! Just call me Julia Child! [photo of the soufflé you made]
Such a beautiful day. Wish you were here! [photo of you at the beach]
13. Ask About His Day
You like it when your guy asks how your day is going, right? So doesn’t it stand to reason that he’d like the same thing?
Asking about his day is a great conversation starter. If he’s having a great day, you can share about yours. If he’s having a bad day, you can be the shoulder for him to cry on (or at least vent at). Pay attention to his response and ask more questions.
Just don’t start each conversation like this every day. That can get boring and monotonous. Remember, you want to keep things fresh and interesting, not repetitive!
You: Hey doll! How is your day going?
Him: Grr. Not great. I have a nail in my tire. Just got air in it and now need to take it to the tire shop.
You: Oh no! That sucks. Do you need a ride there? We could get coffee while you wait.
14. Keep Them Short and Sweet
Texts are not emails. They are designed to be brief. If you’re getting long-winded in your text to him, consider switching to a phone call or Facetime.
Keeping texts short also creates the opportunity for back-and-forth conversation. If you do have a lot to say, break it up in several lines to give him a chance to read and respond.
That being said, don’t make every text you send three words long. Respond in full sentences…just don’t create a wall of text!
15. Get Sexy (When You’re Ready)
Sexting isn’t for everyone, and it’s certainly not required as part of your lesson on how to text a guy to keep him interested. Still, there are other ways you can flirt or be a little sexy without sending a nude photo or saying something crude (unless you’re into that. If so, full steam ahead!).
That being said, if you do want to get your flirt on, don’t jump into sexy texts too soon. Wait until you know the guy a bit and intimacy has come up as a subject (either through conversation or action). If you haven’t yet had sex but are thinking about it, texting can create a sense of anticipation that will make him crazy (in a good way).
Just went a little shopping crazy at Victorias Secret.. 😈
If you’re already having sex, a steamy text can give him reassurance that you enjoyed it and looking forward to next time.
Couldn’t sleep last night. I kept replaying Sunday evening over and over and over! 🔥🔥
Never send sexy texts if they make you uncomfortable. The right man won’t require them or send them to you if you’re not into it.
16. Don’t Complain
I know that the more time you spend with a man, the more comfortable you get with him. That means you’ll open up more and more, and in general, that’s a great thing. However, this doesn’t mean you should use it as an opportunity to vent or complain.
The occasional “boy, it’s hot out!” is no big deal, but don’t bitch about your boss, your kids, your life. There’s a fine line between talking to someone about what’s bothering you and simply complaining. Know the difference. If something’s really eating you and you want to talk about it, save it for a phone conversation or an in-person meeting. Otherwise, you’ll come off as a Negative Nelly, and that’s not sexy.
Texting can be a fantastic platform for getting to know a guy you’re dating. But pay attention to his behavior rather than putting all your focus on how to text him to keep him interested. Is he initiating a lot of your conversations? Does he reply quickly? Are his answers terse or more in-depth? Does he ask you questions?
But don’t just analyze his texts. Is he also making an effort to see you in person? If he’s not, you have what amounts to a pen pal. If you’re texting and texting with no plans in sight, be a Sexy Confident lady and ask him out. If he makes excuses, this guy has no intention of meeting you. He’s in it to get his ego stoked by your amazing texts.
Work on making your texts flirty and appealing, but don’t rely on them solely to hold up your relationship. The longer you date, the more phone calls and meetups you should have.
How do you keep a man interested via text? Share your tips in the comments below!
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