Racking your brain on how to take a situation from casual to committed?
I hear ya. This is such a common problem for women, and I have advised so many of my clients on exactly this topic!
I’ve got some really useful tips on how you can position yourself as a woman that this man will want to commit to, but we’ll get to those in a minute. First, imagine this scenario:
You meet a guy that you think is just okay, but since you don’t have much else going on, you decide to go out with him.
The date blows your mind. He’s actually pretty funny, and you’re glad you gave him a shot.
By the end of the night, you’re thinking, I’m a modern woman. I can do what I want! Before you know it, you’re waking up in his bed the next morning.
A week later, he texts: Going out with friends tonight. Meet up later?
You think, well, the sex was good. Why the heck not?
Before long, you’re hooking up once every week or two, and it’s going pretty well. You’re patting yourself on the back for mastering the casual hookup.
You dig him, but you’re not sure you see a future with him. You think to yourself, This is aight! Let’s keep it ‘casual’ until I find someone I really click with.
Then some time passes…you keep seeing each other…and it’s allllll good.
One morning, you wake up and suddenly realize that you’re falling in love with this guy you were so sure wasn’t for you. Now you want something more.
But the problem is: you’re pretty sure he’s still happy being in the casual zone. And since you’re the one who put him there, you’re at a loss on how to change your status from casual to committed.
You don’t want to screw things up by asking for more, but you’re at the point where you’ll never be satisfied with only connecting on a physical level with this guy again.If this has happened to you, and you want to learn how to go from a casual to committed relationship, then this video is for you. It’s not going to happen overnight, and it may not happen at all if this guy isn’t The One for you, but I will give you some tips on how to make sure he’s seeing you in a different light: like a girlfriend.
Sometimes casually dating is exactly what you need. But sometimes what you need and want changes as you get to know a guy. If you’re ready to take what’s been, up until this point, casual to committed, take a look at this video and read my sage advice below.
See you next week.
P.S. This is such a hot topic for my Sexy Confident readers that I’ve designed a FREE Casual to Committed Blueprint video series to help you quickly identify men who are contenders for a long-term relationship, and help you get exactly what you want. Get instant access here.
I’m not gonna lie: going from casual to committed is tricky territory to navigate. Why? Essentially, you are renegotiating the relationship.
Up until now, this “relationship” (if we can call it that) was all about sex. And you were cool with that. This guy didn’t have to do anything to have sex with you except maybe ask for it.
Now you’re ready to say I want more in return for that sex.
Maybe buy you dinner once in a while.
See you during daylight hours.
Maybe even stop seeing other women. Definitely stop sleeping with them!
So it’s understandable that you’d be a little hesitant about pushing that casual to committed big red button.
How will he react? Will he run for the hills? Or will he be totally into the idea?
You hate the idea of scaring this guy off if he is in no way interested in a more meaningful relationship with you…but at the same time, things have changed for you and can never go back to the way they were.
Let me tell you this: I personally have been in casual relationships with women that turned into serious ones. But I’ve also been in casual relationships that turned into total shit when the woman tried to renegotiate the contract.
The difference between the two? How the situation was handled. But rather than kiss and tell stories about the women who failed to get me to commit for one reason or another, let’s look at some tips you can use when you’re ready to talk to your guy about going from casual to committed.
Casual to Committed Tip #1: Be Ready to Let Go
I know this seems counterintuitive when you’re trying to draw a guy closer to you, but you need to be prepared to lose him altogether, should the conversation derail.
You need to be okay with letting him go because you have to admit to yourself that the current arrangement is no longer making you happy. You want something more. If it turns out that he is unwilling to renegotiate the terms of your relationship, he’s not for you.
In no way should you let him convince you to keep things casual. Remind yourself that it’s come to a point where you can’t tolerate things continuing the way they’ve been up until now. Your feelings have changed, and so have your needs. If he can’t meet your expectations of committing to you, then move on.
You’ve got to be in a state of mind where you’re willing to walk away when you talk to him about shifting things from casual to committed. He might stay. But if he doesn’t, you have to be okay with that. You won’t be able to change his mind down the road, and staying with a man who has told you he only wants to keep things casual will only fracture your heart more and more in the future. Get out now while it’s still relatively easy to do so!
Casual to Committed Tip #2: Remove Sex from the Equation
This man will never get the clue that you’re looking to change your relationship status if you continue giving him sex any time he wants it.
So take the initiative: invite him to go out with you and your friends. Or to go for a walk. Have lunch together. Just keep things away from the bedroom.
This gives you the opportunity to get to know each other on a nonsexual level. Likely it could cause him to say what gives, since clearly, he’s not getting as much bootie as he used to. Be ready to have that conversation about why you’re withholding sex from him. (I address having this conversation in the conclusion, so, heads up!)
Casual to Committed Tip #3: Reintroduce and Refine Yourself
Your goal here is to get him to see you in a different light from the one he’s seen you in up until now.
That might mean wearing something different (maybe moving away from those sexy low-cut dresses and wearing jeans and your favorite weekend shirt). Maybe it means sharing something a little deeper about yourself than you normally would. Or maybe it means introducing him to your goofy side that he hasn’t gotten a chance to see yet.
He needs to see you from a different perspective in order for this shift from casual to committed to happen successfully. Up until now, you’ve been his Wednesday Night Lay or his FWB, and it’ll take a little work to make him see you as girlfriend material.
Speaking of friends with benefits, here’s some good news: in a study from the University of Denver, researchers discovered that, while sexual satisfaction was important, it wasn’t the only thing that mattered to those who had casual sex with friends.
Those people surveyed showed that they sacrificed a bit for their FWB, and were often devoted to them. Sounds a bit like a couple, doesn’t it? That’s good news if you’re working on a casual to committed conversion!
Casual to Committed Tip #4: Accept Other Dates
Stick with me: I am indeed suggesting that you go on dates with other guys. No, that doesn’t mean you need to sleep with them because you’ve already established that you’re over the whole casual sex thing.
So…why am I telling you to go out with other guys if you just want this one guy to commit to you?
Well, for one, it’ll make Tip #1 easier should this guy say no way in hell is he interested in a relationship with you or anyone else. You’ll have an escape hatch and won’t feel quite so rejected if you already have a date lined up for Friday night.
And for two, it might make him wake up when he sees that you aren’t just sitting around waiting for him to call for a hookup. You’re out there looking for something real and meaningful. It might just make him realize that he wants to be the one to provide it for you.
Casual to Committed Tip #5: Make Him Invest in You
You are a high-value woman. Start positioning yourself as one. And high-value women don’t give up all their energy for a man who doesn’t reciprocate.
Create a little space between you. Pay attention to who reaches out to whom. Is he only texting late at night when he wants sex? Are you the one sending texts to see how he’s doing without him reciprocating?
Make him put forth that effort to be with you. If he proves unable or unwilling to do that, then clearly he’s not on the same page as you. In that case, cut bait and move on.
Look, sexy lady, these tips aren’t guaranteed to make a man commit to you. Sometimes the chemistry’s wrong (fine for sex but not for long-term compatibility). Sometimes he’s simply in a different place in his life and isn’t ready for a relationship. Sometimes he’s just a sleazebag who only wants sex.
You don’t yet know what the situation is. But after you have “the conversation,” you probably will.
I urge you to think out what you plan on saying rather than blurting it out without a plan. That’s a surefire way to run him off! Even if you think you’ve fallen in love with him, maybe withhold that particular juicy bit for the time being and focus on the fact that you want to give something more sustainable and emotional a try.
Let him know that while you were cool with things being casual at the start, you’ve really enjoyed spending time with him and want to get to know him better…outside the bedroom. Ask what his thoughts are about actually dating rather than just hooking up.
Let him talk. Because you’ll probably be tempted to keep blabbering about what you want and how you love how he acts with his puppy and how adorable he is when he wakes up…
But trust me: he is not going to dig that.
So bring it up as a suggestion. See what he says. If he’s surprised, give him time to process the idea and get back with you. If his immediate reaction is negative, ask why. This is where you find out that he was hurt in a recent relationship and isn’t ready to get back on the horse, or he loves being a player.
If his answer is no, then let him know that the hookups are over. Tell him you couldn’t have casual sex with someone you have feelings for, then let that bomb settle all over him.
Yes, he could come back once he realizes what an idiot he is for turning you down, but be prepared for that not to happen. Mark having a casual relationship off your bucket list and make room to meet a guy who actually wants something serious.
Have you ever been in the “casual dating” situation and wanted to make it more serious? Share your story in the comment below. I’d love to hear from you.