He acted like he was interested.
You were sure he was.
You went on one, two, or maybe even four dates and things seemed to be going really well…
You’ve been sharing appetizers and bar hopping across town…
Maybe you even have an inside joke or a special song…
He’s been texting every day…
But then, without warning, he’s gone.
Never to be heard from again.
What the BLEEP happened???
Before you start blaming yourself (and I know you’re trying to right now), let me just say: you are not the reason he acted like he was interested and then ghosted.
Seriously. It’s not you. It’s him.
You don’t really know this guy all that well. He may have different goals when it comes to dating. He might be scared of opening up and falling for you.
Heck, he might just be a jerk.
But what if you could know ahead of time that a guy was likely to disappear into the sunset? What if you could prevent this heartache from ever happening again?
It turns out there are some telltale signs that can help you predict when he’s going to ghost you. And guess who’s ready to share them with you?
If you’re tired of worrying about whether you’ll ever get a reply to your last text…
… or if you’re desperate to know how to identify the ghost before you start being haunted…
Check out this video to learn why he acted like he was interested…and then ghosted… and what you can do about it. It’s like having a dating crystal ball (without having to wear the weird headscarf)!
P.S. If you’re sick of guys only wanting a casual relationship and are ready to find a committed and loving relationship, it’s time to start my Casual to Committed Program.
In it, you’ll learn exactly how to transition any casual situation into a loving, committed one.
Summary: Why He Acted Like He Was Interested…Then Vanished into Thin Air
So, why do guys disappear when things are going great?
The reasons vary as much as men’s personalities do, but one thing is certain: he’s doing you a favor. Whatever the reason he acted like he was interested and then did a runner, he’s not the guy for you.
He’s just saving you time in figuring that out.
Now, that doesn’t make it any easier to swallow. When a guy ghosts, it’s bruising to your ego, for sure. And you’ll want to get to the bottom of why he disappeared. But you can’t resurrect a ghost. Nor should you want to.
His phone didn’t die (for five days).
He’s not in the hospital.
He didn’t lose your number.
He wasn’t that swamped at work all week.
This guy is done with you. You may never find out why. So let it go. You will only waste valuable energy trying to determine what you did wrong (nothing) and why he vanished into thin air (because he sucks).
But for next time, look out for a few of these common scenarios of why he might act like he’s interested but then exit stage left.
1. He’s Dating For Sport
I don’t understand, Adam. I was dating this really great guy. He pursued me…then disappeared. What gives?
Uggg. It’s the worst to find out — after you’ve started to like a guy — that he’s dating because it’s his hobby and he has very little interest in pursuing anything more serious.
He doesn’t really want a real relationship.
So why did he bother going out with you in the first place? Then he acted like he was interested and moved on his merry little way.
Some men want to go out with as many women as possible. They might not be looking for love, but they do enjoy the company of women…sexual and otherwise. They like going out for a nice meal or drink with a lovely lady.
There’s nothing wrong with that.
And also: people are getting married later. Studies show that 33% of couples marry past the age of 27, and many don’t get married at all.
So that means a lot of people, especially in their late 20s, are not dating with any serious intentions. When a man disappears without an explanation, it may be because he doesn’t want to take it any further than a few dates.
What You Can Do About It
If you are looking for a serious relationship, the best thing you can do early on with a new suitor is to get an idea of his dating history. Gently prod into how many serious relationships he’s had, how long they lasted, and what was the cause of the end of them.
This is murky water to wade into, so proceed with this conversation when it feels natural. Avoid peppering him with too many questions. Instead, make it a conversation, where you share a bit about your own past relationships as well.
And make it clear from the start that you’re looking for a potential long-term partner. If you’re dating online, mention it in your profile so you filter out guys who only want a one-night stand.
Just because he’s dating casually doesn’t mean that you need to stop seeing him. It just means that you want to be very aware of what his goals in terms of dating are, and don’t invest too much energy and emotion in him unless he starts investing it in you.
2. You Were Just Incompatible
The reality of dating and finding love is that the vast majority of the men you meet won’t be right for you. And sometimes you’ll meet someone that you really like but they’re not interested in you. Incompatibility happens.
So if he acted like he was interested and then disappears, it might be because he’s realized that the two of you don’t belong together.
He might ghost because he doesn’t want to face the music and come clean that you’re not right for him (and vice versa). It takes balls to have that conversation.
Or he might not feel like you’ve been dating long enough to really warrant a legit break up. Maybe he thinks if you’ve only gone out once or twice, he doesn’t owe you an explanation.
Sure, it would be common courtesy, but ya know…not everybody is brave enough to tell a woman he’s not feeling it.
Sometimes this happens in life and in dating. It’s part of the process. Think about it: if you’re looking for The One, that indicates that there are lots of others who are not the one! If it were easy to find the one true love of your life, I would be out of a job!
What You Can Do About It
But seriously: the worst thing you can do if he acted like he was interested and then disappeared because you two weren’t compatible is give up. Or insist that this man was right for you when clearly he wasn’t.
You can’t force compatibility. You either fit with another person, or you don’t. No amount of wanting it to work out will make it work out.
The best thing you can do is take that time to heal, pick yourself back up, and then get back out there! You’ll find that person who you are compatible with, and this guy will pursue you until the cows come home.
3. The Relationship Was Founded On Superficial Reasons
You: OMG! This guy is absolutely my soulmate. We are meant to be together.
Your BFF: What’s his last name?
If you meet a guy and sparks are flying everywhere but you know nothing about him except the fact that he’s tall, handsome, and drives a Ferrari, I guarantee that this is going to be a short-term relationship.
How do I know?
Because you’re focusing on short-term attributes.
It takes time to get to know a person. If you’ve been in a long-term relationship or marriage before, think about all the million insignificant details that you knew about your partner.
He had a lingering fear of the dark left over from childhood.
He hated his food touching.
He broke his arm in a football game in high school and now holds it funny.
These may be small details, but they make up the fabric of a relationship. You can’t know a guy this well within a matter of weeks or months…or maybe even years. It takes time.
Don’t rush into deciding that he’s the one for you without knowing more about him, or you might be left wondering why he doesn’t call anymore. Maybe he realized that you were putting too much into this potential relationship, and he saw that it wasn’t going anywhere.
Either that or after all those hot, passionate flames died down, the two of you were left staring at each other with nothing to say. He acted like he was interested initially because he was…but once he realized the two of you had nothing in common besides sheer animal attraction, he took the first train outta town.
What You Can Do About It
So give it a little time for you two to get to know each other. Passion is important in a relationship, but there’s a thin line between passion and lust.
You can have passion if you also get to know each other and having things in common. You aren’t left with nothing to say to one another outside of the bedroom.
Don’t rush the getting-to-know-you phase, either. It’s the best part. Those late-night phone conversations and prolonged dates lay the foundation for a solid, long-lasting relationship, and it’ll be one that he’ll want to stick around to develop with you.
And if he doesn’t call anymore? Dig into what you really knew about one another. I’m betting it wasn’t enough to support a true relationship
4. He Acted Like He Was Interested Then Ghosted Because You Showed No Interest in Him
Us guys, we just need a little bit of reassurance that you’re into us. For every 100 articles of dating advice for women out there telling you to play hard to get, there’s maybe one article telling you to be authentic and open about the way that you feel about a guy.
So if you’ve been a little aloof about your feelings, the reason he doesn’t call anymore may be because he assumed you weren’t into him.
The strategies I teach at Sexy Confidence are very different than some of the bullshit advice you’ll find on other dating advice sites.
Don’t play hard to get.
Be hard to get because you have an amazing life that keeps you busy and fulfilled, and certainly don’t waste all of your energy on a guy that you barely know. But here’s where you might need to change your current approach: as a guy invests more of his time, resources, and energy into you, you have to reciprocate!
You need to be vulnerable and willing to share with him that you think he’s an amazing guy. Opening up and sharing those feelings with him is going to make you feel so much more connected to one another, and he’ll be secure in knowing how you feel about him.
Once he’s sure of your feelings for him, he can then decide if he’s ready to take it to the next level with you and become your boyfriend.
What You Can Do About It
So take a look at how you treat the guy you’re with. Maybe you’ve been burned in the past, and have built a tower around you, making it difficult to communicate how you feel about him because you’re scared of getting hurt again.
That’s perfectly normal, but if you are serious about finding love, you will have to learn to be vulnerable again and let him into your heart. Start small. Just tell him how wonderful he is, or how much you enjoy spending time together. Be the first one to text, call, or make plans next time.
These tiny moves can have a major impact when they show your guy that you care.
If the guy you’ve been dating suddenly evaporates after he acted like he was interested, don’t let it get you down. You ought to write him a thank you note!
With so many men out there, the less time you spend on the wrong ones, the more time you have to dedicate to finding the right one. It can be easy to take it personally when a man ghosts, but you’ll need to develop thicker skin to survive the dating world.
Trust me: most men are not thinking of your feelings when they disappear. They’re trying to avoid drama, and in their minds, you’ll be a teary mess if they tell you that they just didn’t feel that spark or that they weren’t ready to get serious.
Now, I know you wouldn’t fall apart if the guy had that conversation with you, and that you’d at least be relieved to know the reason he was walking away.
But humans avoid conflict — real or imagined — whenever possible. If he imagines that being honest and open with you will cause conflict, you better bet he’ll opt for the ghosting option.
But do not be disheartened, Dear Lady. Not all guys are cowards. You will meet one who will make you wonder why you wasted even a second on every other man you ever dated. All it takes is patience.
Patience…and my Attract “The One” Academy! Join my exclusive 10-week program designed to help you gain confidence and find love.