You’ve struggled for months or even years to find a quality man deserving of your time and love…and yet, you’ve come up empty.
Darren was sweet, shared your love of beer, but wasn’t ready for a relationship.
Chad was “hot as hell” but such a jerk.
Clearly, you need a new approach to finding love.
Can I make a suggestion?
Create a Dream Guy List.
Why Lists Work
Whether you believe in the Law of Attraction or not (that what you put out into the universe, you will attract), you’ve got to admit that there’s some value in creating a list of qualities you want in a man.
Making a list can help you organize your thoughts about what you’re looking for. It can turn what’s been a hazy man-shaped mist and turn it into a more tangible image of the man that’s meant for you.
Maybe you’ve never given thought to what you do want in a man, only putting energy on what you don’t want:
“Ug. Mike was so sleazy. I don’t want a guy who’s gonna stare at my chest on our first date.”
“Why do I keep attracting married men?”
“WTF! If there’s a jobless asshole within a 50 mile radius, he always seems to find me!”
And you wonder why you keep attracting jobless jerks.
The thing about the Universe (allow me to be woo-woo for a moment) is that it only hears “jobless asshole,” when what you said was “he shouldn’t be a jobless asshole.”
So instead of making a list of things you don’t want (scrubs), put each requirement in the positive: “he should be kind and gentle…and gainfully employed.“
By focusing on the aspects that you want over those that you want to run screaming from, you more clearly define what you’re asking for.
Got it? Let’s start those Dream Guy Lists!
Look Back to the Past
Start by thinking about past relationships. What qualities have you liked in the partners you’ve had and want again? Even if every relationship ended, there were aspects you liked while you were together. Focus on the ones that stand out.
Maybe you loved how Larry always held your hand. Or how you could always engage in good conversation with Steve.
What do you want to back away from?
Joe was too aggressive. Anthony never could read your emotions.
If you could combine all your exes into one magnificent, perfect man, what would he look like? Act like?
Make Your Bucket List
Now that you’ve looked at your past experience, it’s time to think creatively about what you’ve never had but dream of finding in a man.
What have you never had that you want in a relationship?
Maybe you’ve always dated men who have trouble expressing their feelings, so “communicative about feelings” should go on your list.
Maybe you find Italian men sexy.
Or guys who work in finance.
No detail is too insignificant for your list. Be as shallow and silly, or as deep as you want to be. This is your list.
Picture Yourself in 5-10 Years
What does your life look like in the future? Consider more than just the guy you’re trying to attract; how do you want to live?
Do you want to live on a beach in Tahiti? If so, you’ll need a guy willing to do that with you, so add “wants to live in another country” to your list.
Do you want to be married? Have kids? Neither? The relationship you build should be aligned with those objectives, so factor them into your list.
Tip: consider the lifestyle you want to live, then find the guy who will fit into it, not the other way around. If your dream is to live abroad and you fall in love (or think you fall in love) with a guy who’s never left his hometown, you might feel compelled to give up that dream. Don’t. The right man will be aligned with everything you want for your future.
Don’t Be Shy About Going into Detail
The more things on your list, the better the idea you have of the type of man you want to attract. You can have 10 or 1,000 items on your list. After all, it’s for your eyes only.
Cover categories like:
- Personality traits (gentle? exciting?)
- Physical traits (tall? dark? handsome?)
- Interests and hobbies (sports? reading? travel?)
- Education (important? not important?)
- Career (career-driven? entrepreneur?)
- Kids and family (want them? have them?)
- Finances (a saver? a spender?)
- How he makes you feel (gooey? assertive?)
Put Your List Away and Forget About It
Once you’ve reviewed your list and have covered all your bases, put the list in a drawer or in a folder on your computer. Forget about it. If you use it as a compass to find your next guy, you might miss some really great people worthy of your time who don’t fit everything on the list. And I believe that everyone you meet — or date — provides valuable life lessons for you. So don’t be glued to the list.
The secret to making a list like this is that you don’t have to see how a guy measures up to your list (though it can be interesting to see how many of the qualities you’re looking for that he has). Simply making the list helps you better understand what you want and need.
Relationships are not about a “list” of qualities. They’re about how a person makes you feel. Check in with yourself about how he’s making you feel. He may not be 6’3″ like your wish list says, but if he treats you like a queen, do you really care how tall he is?
Start Looking in the Right Places
Once you know who you’re trying to attract, you can know where to look for him. For example, if the gist of your list shows that you’re looking for a sporty, active guy, you’re more likely to meet him at the gym or a sporting event than the library. Consider where the types of guys who ring your bell spend time. Then spend more time in those places. Simple.
What characteristics are on your Dream Guy List? Share them below.