Back in elementary school, when you liked a boy, you could make him miss you by ignoring him…or shoving him in the mud.
Yea, that seems counter-intuitive to make a guy like you, but hey, it worked for the second-grade set.
Now you need more stealthy and effective ways to make him miss you like crazy when you first start dating.
Ever since that first date, he’s all you think about…and you want him to have that same laser focus on you. You know you should play it cool, but you’re just not sure how cool you need to be to get inside his brain and make him want to spend more time with you.
Your girlfriends tell you to ignore his calls. To make him jealous by posting photos of you and other guys on Facebook.
But those aren’t the way to get him to miss you. Those are methods as juvenile as what you did in second grade.
We can do better.
In this video, I will teach you three surefire strategies to make him miss you and let you know that you’re on his mind.
In the early stages of dating, it might be too early for him to know that he likes you a lot, but it’s not too early for him to miss spending time with you. You want to remind him of how fantastic a time you have together so that he makes an effort to spend even more with you.
Then the ball’s in your court.
With a few proven strategies to remain always on his mind (shout out to Willie Nelson), you ensure you’re not mooning over him, but instead have his full attention.
P.S. Spoiler alert: sex won’t even enter this conversation. A way to make a man miss you is not to impress him in the bedroom and leave him wanting more. Sure, there’s a time and place for that. But first, you want to capture his mind and heart, not his body.
What you will see in this video and article is a lot of mention of being a confident lady. That’s all it takes, friend. Confidence. That’s why I designed the Men Love Confident Women ebook: to give you the tools you need to exude confidence in dating and relationships.
Why You Want to Make Him Miss You Like Crazy
It can feel like you’re a contestant in the Miss America Pageant when you first start dating a guy. You think things are going well, but with dating app FOMO being a real thing — you know: the fact that a guy has at his fingertips an unlimited number of women to choose from, even if they wouldn’t choose him — you feel the need to step up your game so that you take first place in his heart and mind.
Maybe your dating game is on point, but you worry about the time you spend apart. That’s when things have the potential to go off the rails. So you’re strategizing how to make him miss you.
Common sense might tell you that if you want this guy to pay more attention to you, you should go and seek attention from him. Be around more. Call and text frequently.
I’m here to tell you that this is completely the wrong approach.
Being too in-his-face may scare him off. He may think you already want something more serious than he does (even if you don’t). You may come off as needy or desperate.
There are better strategies, Sexy, Confident Lady.
But First: Who This Video is For
For starters, I want to say that this video and these tactics are really designed for single women or women who are casually dating a guy and looking to take things up a notch.
If you’re in a relationship, then this really isn’t the video for you. Why? Because I believe that if you’re in a healthy relationship, then you should be open and honest with your fella about how you’re feeling. If you’re feeling neglected, you know him well enough to bring it up and find ways to rectify the situation.
If you’re just starting to date a guy, you don’t yet know him well enough to open up about your feelings.
If you are single and there is a guy that you are into, and you want him to pay more attention to you, to be more interested in you, then this video is for you. Get ready to take notes!
And another note: none of these tactics are about trying to make him miss you and pay more attention to you in a manipulative way. We’re not trying to trick him into missing you, but rather just nudge him subtly to remind him how awesome a woman you are.
#1: Make Him Miss You by Being a Social Butterfly
Let’s look at two scenarios:
Lydia and Jon go to a party. She doesn’t really know anyone, so she clings to him shyly all night. He’d like to break free and catch up with his buddies in the corner, but he feels like leaving her will be a bad idea.
Sasha and Brett go to the same party. She doesn’t know anyone either, but immediately lets go of his hand, grabs a drink, and ends up talking to a group of people for an hour. When Brett looks over, she seems to be having a blast.
Do you think Jon or Brett will be more excited about asking his lady out again?
It may be early days in this might-be-a-relationship, but practicing independence early on sets a good precedence. Dr. John Gottman, relationship expert and author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, stresses the importance of autonomy in a relationship. Having different interests, friends, and activities make for a more balanced couple.
And 39% of couples have a healthier relationship because they have independence from one another when they need it.
Now, you may be nowhere near needing to make a marriage work, but the same principles apply. Attend a social function together — but apart, at least some of the time — and I guarantee he will be attracted by your independence.
Okay, Adam, you say, how does that actually work?
At the next party or event you attend together, leave his side and start talking to other people. Maybe you see a friend of your cousin’s. Go say hi, and introduce yourself to her friends. If the music is irresistible, get out there and cut a rug.
Now, this is not to make your date jealous. I don’t want you to start chatting up another guy and then keep looking over to see if he’s paying attention to you talking to some dude.
No, I want you to actually work the room. Be incredibly social and talk to a lot of different people. Some women and some men. Make new friends. Compliment someone on her dress. Forget he’s even in the same room for a while. Have fun.
But know this: he’s going to notice that you’re talking to a lot of people, and that you’re not necessarily engaging with him. He’ll squirrel away this information, and that’s a good thing. Throughout the night, catch his eye across the room (how poetic!) and give him a smile.
And then as the night goes on, let him come to you. You’ll have lots of things to discuss, as you share the conversations and experiences you had that evening. But don’t reattach to him just yet…
#2: Make Him Miss You with the Touch and Flake Technique
This tactic works following the first one, while you’re still at that party.
I call this highly effective strategy for getting him to miss you the Touch and Flake.
Never underestimate the power of touch. And yet…men are the ones who somehow miss the value. In a recent study, 33% of men said they have never tried touching a woman they like as a way to escalate intimacy.
I’m sure those women they didn’t touch were pretty disappointed.
But that just proves my point. A well-planned press of the hand to his big, strong bicep, or a ruffle of his hair can turn him into a big puddle of happiness. After all, physical touch is the most important love language for many men (and women).
So the Touch and Flake requires you to break the touch barrier and touch your guy briefly. Then walk away, leaving him wanting more.
I remember I was once at a party with some friends, and there was a woman who I was really into. It was like she’d read this article: she walked around, talking to different people. I started to want to engage with her, so I approached her.
What did she do?
She put one hand on my chest, one hand on my neck, leaned in, smelled my neck and said, “Mm, you smell good.”
Now that’s some girl game. And she knew it. She didn’t stick around after that. She ended the conversation and walked away.
And when she started walking away from me, I remember thinking to myself, “I have to have her in my life.”
You can do this, too.
If you’re sitting down and his hand is on the table, lean in and cup his with yours. Then remove it.
If you’re standing up, put your hand on his shoulder and lean in like you’re telling him a secret. More likely than not, he will automatically put his arm around you. Bonus.
The Touch should be light and fleeting. The Flake comes when you walk away, leaving him wanting more. Remember: you’re in control of the situation, and as long as you’re the one to cut the conversation short, you keep the upper hand.
#3: Make Him Miss You By Being a Busy Woman
Now, don’t misunderstand: this tip isn’t about pretending to be busy, playing hard to get, or making up ridiculous games to make it look like you have a cool life. I’m not suggesting you fake Instagram photos to make it look like you’re doing fabulous things when you’re really in dirty sweats at home on the couch with your dog.
My advice to you, as always, is to have actually a very cool life.
If you’ve been putting all this energy into finding a great guy, it’s time to divert some of that energy into things that will make you happy and whole, regardless of whether you have a partner or not.
Find something interesting to do with your life.
Commit to finding a hobby that you can do on a regular basis.
About three years ago, I started kitesurfing and it became my passion. (Hey, I’m in good company: Barack Obama and Richard Branson do it!)
So when I’m not working on Sexy Confidence, I enjoy kite surfing. It’s my thing.
And for all you sexy, single ladies out there, it’s so important for you to have your thing. Have your time where you can enjoy yourself without needing to share that time with anyone else. Find something to do that gives you something interesting to talk about when you are around people.
It’ll make you less available to men, and it’ll make you a more interesting person. That combination is ultimately what is going to make a man miss you, want you, and really pay attention to you. He will see that you’re made of substance. That you have interests that you’re not willing to give up to spend time with him
So the next time he asks you out? You might already have plans to hit the climbing gym. Or meet with your book club. Go hiking. Or get mani-pedis with your girls.
He can’t miss you if he’s with you all the time, so make sure your calendar is balanced between spending time with him, spending time with friends, and having alone time doing those things that fulfill you.
Don’t change your plans for him. First off, you need to maintain who you are when you’re in a relationship, so start out dating this guy by setting some ground rules: some activities and events will not be changed because they are important to you. You will fit him in when your schedule allows. A confident woman won’t alter what she’s planned to do for a guy.
While it may seem flattering to have someone change plans to spend with you, a guy might be concerned that you’re too willing to ditch what seemed to matter to you in order to Netflix and chill with him.
Another component of this tip is how available you make yourself via text and phone. I know some women who will answer a call from a man no matter what they’re doing:
“Ted? Is that you?? I don’t have great reception. I’m hiking Kilimanjaro right now. But yea, I can talk for a few minutes!”
Focus on what you’re doing. His call can go to voicemail or his text can go unanswered for a few hours if you’re busy. I’m a big fan of keeping your attention on one thing. And not taking calls during meals or when you’re hanging out with other people.
Don’t be that chick who always jumps up mid-Girls’ Night Out to text her man.
There’s no trickery needed in making him miss you. It’s a matter of sometimes curbing your enthusiasm about how excited you are to be dating him, and finding ways to assert your independence. Having autonomy, we’ve learned, not only shows him that you’re not a clinging wallflower but that you’re confident and capable of enjoying yourself without being glued to his side.
Having your own interests can go a long way toward making him more interested in you. The more things you’re into, the more he will be into you. And if those hobbies happen to align? Great, but don’t feel like you have to go to the climbing gym with him every single week. If you run into him while there with a friend, do the Touch and Flake and then climb on.
As he realizes that he often misses you and wants to spend more time with you, he’ll start to see the benefit of moving from casual to committed.
So I want to hear from you in the comments right there below. Which one of these three things are you going to focus on the next time you go out with guy? Leave that comment right there below.
And if you’re ready to get the right man to pursue only you, sign up for my free training. But seating is limited, so hurry!