If you want to play the game then you have to know the dating rules, right?
But what happens when the game changes?
Full disclosure: it already has.
What I mean is that dating today is pretty much nothing like it was in your 20s, which may be the last time you dated. If you’ve been married or in a long-term relationship, and find yourself single after decades, you may feel like you stepped onto Mars.
Dating apps, smartphones, and the entire technological revolution have transformed our entire culture.
So it should be no surprise that they’ve also changed the dating rules.
If you want to find love in this “Brave New World,” then you’re going to need some key principles and dating rules to play the game successfully.
To help you out, I’ve boiled everything down to the essentials that you need – 9 modern dating rules that all women must follow. Ignore them at your own peril!
When it comes to love, dating, and any “matters of the heart,” the woman who understands the ins and outs of our modern dating landscape will end up getting exactly what she wants.
It’s that simple.
You wouldn’t set off on an adventure without a map, would you? The same applies to dating rules: know how the system works, study the landscape, and you’ll thrive.
And what about the woman who ignores these rules or pretends like they don’t exist?
She might… well… stumble a little bit.
Remember: learn the rules of the game or the game will play you… the choice is yours!
PS: Texting is a powerful tool in our modern dating world, but you need to know how to use it to your advantage. Learn when you should text him to get the most desired responses and when you should NEVER text him unless you want him to run for the hills…
Look, I’m with you. I hate that dating has become such a game that you need dating rules to win at it.
How long should I wait to text him?
Can I ask him out?
Do I have to give it up on a first date to keep him interested?
Dating can feel like a landmine. Each step makes you break out in a cold sweat, worried that you’ve broken a dating rule or done something that will make him say game over.
Because there’s a difference, okay?
Playing games with a man is childish. It’s not you being your authentic self and ultimately won’t get you what you want.
Playing the game is simply following certain dating rules that will keep you in the running. It’s more a code of ethics to being considered successful at dating.
That being said, let’s look at 9 essential dating rules you absolutely, positively should follow as you get back to dating.
Dating Rule #1. Don’t ever send him naked pictures.
Yes, some guys think it’s sexy when a lady texts them naked photos.
But it’s never, ever, ever a good idea if you’re just dating someone to send them nudie pics. If you’re in a committed relationship, well, that’s a different story, and that’s your choice entirely.
Why is one of my dating rules that you shouldn’t send naked photos?
If you send it via Snapchat, thinking that it will disappear, know that there’s a sneaky little trick that allows him to save that snap forever.
Realize that he may show his friends your photo. Is there anything more embarrassing?
And if it doesn’t work out, then what? A photo of your lady bits is out there, floating in cyberspace. Not a good feeling.
Look, some guys are into sending dick pics. That’s never going to change. But it in no way means that you have to reciprocate. At all.
If he’s begging for them, make him wait. Tease him. If he really likes you, he will be patient. Or flat out tell him you’re not into it. That shouldn’t be a dealbreaker.
Dating Rule #2. Make him wear a condom.
I want to put this in perspective for a second. You have a higher chance of catching herpes than you do of dying from Russian Roulette. One in five people has herpes, and in Russian Roulette, you have a one in six chance of losing.
You don’t know someone until you are in that long-term relationship. You don’t know who he’s been with.
But Adam, he seems clean. He’s a really nice guy!
Honestly, it’s not like every person who has an STI is a dirty horndog. Really nice people — really unsuspecting people — end up with all manner of venereal diseases, so even if he’s only been with a few people, you’re still at risk, especially (but not just) if he’s had unprotected sex in the past.
So definitely have him wear a condom. And if you do have unprotected sex without a condom when you are in a long-term relationship, at least make sure that he gets tested first. And you get tested too! It’s only fair.
Dating Rule #3. Give him a chance, even if you don’t fall in love on the first date.
It’s easy nowadays to jump from person to person. We go on that first date and don’t feel super strong about it, so we just hop to the next person.
Dating apps make you feel like you have a veritable cornucopia of options when it comes to men to date. Maybe you even have FOMO (fear of missing out), and constantly wonder who else is out there, so you’re never really able to focus on the man you’re currently on a date with.
We judge the book by its cover and we forget there’s a whole book underneath it. You might go on a date and be yawning halfway through, tempted to go to the bathroom and check out Bumble for a bit.
I’m here to tell you that not all guys are great at first dates. Remember to give him enough of a chance. If he’s interested in you and keeps texting after the first date or asks you out again, say yes. Just to see.
He might have been uber nervous on the first date but will warm up on a second date and show how funny he is. He might have had a colossally bad day (or maybe you did) that impacted how he acted.
My point is: you don’t know. So give the guy another chance to impress you.
Dating Rule #4. Don’t let him film you having sex.
You might be jealous of Kim Kardashian’s money, big butt, and glamour, but you’re probably not jealous of her sex tape up on PornHub.com.
There are so many risks that making a sex tape bring that you just don’t think about in the moment.
- Your phone could get hacked and the video gets put on the internet
- Your boss or potential employer could find it
- The guy could share it with friends after you break up
- It could ruin your chance to be a clean-cut celebrity
It might be tempting to want to videotape while you’re in bed, but until you’re married or you can truly trust someone, it’s probably better to find other ways to get kinky in the bedroom.
Dating Rule #5. Don’t tell him your address unless you really know him.
You might be scratching your head at this one, but hear me out.
You might think if he knows your address, he can pick you up for a date or send you flowers, but once he knows your address, he can also kill you.
I’m not trying to scare you…fully.
But if you have the stomach for it, Google “scary online dating stalker.” Trust me: you’ll start carrying pepper spray or even stop dating altogether.
Just make sure you’ve vetted the guy before you give him personal details like where you live. Make sure you spend enough time with him to know he’s a good guy (and don’t assume right off the bat because he seems like a good guy that he’s not batshit crazy. I’m just sayin’).
Consider waiting a while to give him your phone number too, if you met through a dating app because he can easily (and creepily) find your address using your number.
Make sure you’ve met some of his friends and have a full picture of who he is before he knows exactly where you live. Because once he knows it, he can’t unknow it.
Dating Rule #6. Offer to pay for the first date.
Though overwhelmingly, men tend to pay for the first date (and 85% of men expect to), it’s still polite to make an effort to pay.
On a first date, always do the purse pull-out. It’s okay if you take a few minutes fumbling around in your purse to allow him time to say I got this, but at least make the offer.
Dating Rule #7. Don’t ghost someone if you made plans with them.
Of all my dating rules, this is the one I can’t get over that people break so often, both men and women.
Twenty-first century dating causes good people to be shitty sometimes. If you make specific plans with someone and you have to break them, at least call or text that person to let them know you can’t make it. Don’t just ghost them.
I know some of you are probably saying, well, guys ghost me. Yes, they might do that, but you have to be the bigger person. You are not getting that one guy who ghosted back if you bail on a totally other (nice) guy.
Jennice Vilhauer, Ph.D., a clinical faculty member in the School of Medicine at Emory University, says that when you ghost, you’re not really thinking about your actions:
“People who ghost are primarily focused on avoiding their own emotional discomfort and they aren’t thinking about how it makes the other person feel. The lack of social connections to people who are met online also means there are less social consequences to dropping out of someone’s life.”
Don’t use the tools of twenty-first century dating as an excuse for rudeness. Rise above it and don’t ghost someone if you’ve made plans.
Dating Rule #8. Don’t break up with someone over text, Facebook, Instagram, or Snapchat.
Come on. You’re not a teenager. Don’t take the easy route just because ending it makes you uncomfortable.
If you just started seeing someone and you’ve only gone on one date, it is okay to end things via text or social media.
But once it becomes more serious and you’ve gone on more than three dates, it is your responsibility to have the courage to call that person to end the situation. They deserve that closure (wouldn’t you want it?), and it’s going to make you feel better as a person.
Dating Rule #9. Don’t fall in love with someone you either just met or, even worse, someone you’ve never met.
When you connect with a guy you really like through online dating and have never met him in person, or have only gone out a couple times, do you have a tendency to leap forward without looking and convince yourself that this is the guy?
Even though you don’t know his middle name. Or his favorite color. Or where he grew up.
Look, this may be The One. I don’t know that he’s not. But I do know that if you haven’t met him in person, you can’t know if you have chemistry or not. And people are different when they’re texting on a dating app versus being face-to-face.
And if you’ve texted for a few days or weeks and finally met and you’re convinced this is your soulmate, just realize that you have a long way to go to get to know this guy well enough to fall in love with him. Love doesn’t happen quickly. Emotional attachment might, but that’s another thing.
Just promise me that you’ll take it slow, keep your options open, and relax. If this guy is the one that’s meant for you, rushing it won’t make it any better. Just get to know him over time and enjoy the process of falling for him…or not.
There are probably other dating rules you should take into account, but these, at least to me, are the most important if you’re just getting back into the swing of dating again.
Dating apps and communicating via text are probably new to you, as is ghosting. I take it as my personal mission to help you understand what the dating landscape is like these days so you can navigate it successfully.
So, have you broken any of these rules in the past month? Leave a comment below. Like I said: communicating via text is strange and curious to you. Get help with my free Love Texting Report to get texts you can customize and send!