I’ve been doing this for a long time, and have had countless conversations with people who are in all phases of life; men, women, single, married, divorced, and everything in between.
These interactions have led to many insights, some of which include varying degrees of self-sabotage. Many of us have been jaded along the way, taken advantage of, taken for granted, or under appreciated. When we have a difficult time letting go of damage from our past it can permeate a new relationship.
It is important that we stay positive and be true to ourselves in order to find a happy relationship. Here are five common mindsets that could be keeping you from finding the love you want and deserve.
There is no predicting when or where you’ll meet the person you fall in love with. You may be watching this video on your phone and bump into them on the street. You might be in line behind them in the coffee shop. You might meet them at a party. But if you don’t give them a chance when they do come along, you’ll risk letting them get away forever.
While it may be a risk to put yourself out there and search for love, it is far less risky than spending the rest of your life wishing you had.
So tell me in the comments, what commitments are you going to make to create the love life you want?
Looking forward to your thoughts!
1. You Are Expecting to Find the “Perfect Relationship”
Needless to say, the perfect relationship doesn’t actually exist. Many people are becoming less likely to put in the required work and effort into building a healthy relationship. They walk away at the first sign of difficulty, and it is preventing them from developing deep and meaningful relationships.
No matter how easy and carefree anyone else makes it sound, a relationship is always going to face challenges. Those challenges are what make you and your partner stronger together. As you overcome these obstacles it becomes what bonds you together as a team. It’s what it means to be truly committed to the person you love.
2. You Haven’t Recognized Your Own Self Worth
Relationships are not only about finding the right person to be with, they’re also about being the right person to be with. This doesn’t just happen overnight. We need to put in the time and effort to develop ourselves accordingly.
The bottom line is that we accept the love we think we deserve, and you get to decide what you deserve. Someone’s inability to see your value does not make you any less valuable… that’s why it’s called self-worth. It’s up to you, not them.
If you don’t feel like you truly deserve to be happy, you will end up self-sabotaging the life events that unfold for you. Stop being the victim, and start being the victor.
3. You’re Scared of Finding Happiness
People used to tell me about the concept of being scared of becoming successful. I never really understood what they mean’t… How could you be scared of success? How could you be scared of happiness?
I soon learned that both success and happiness require risk. They require more risk than mediocrity, settling, taking the safe path, or living a ‘beige’ life.
It can be scary to think of falling for someone who does not fall for you in return. It can be scary to imagine giving so much to someone without them giving in return. But without risk, there is no reward. Fortune favors the bold… not just in life, but also in love.
4. You Never Think the Timing is Right
Life gets crazy, we all get busy, and it becomes difficult to imagine shifting our schedule around in order to accommodate another person.
“The timing isn’t right” … so you tell yourself you’ll make time after you reach your next goal… or your next deadline… or after your new assistant gets hired. Whatever it may be, there is always an excuse that keeps you from doing what we really want to do. “Someday” is not a day of the week, and never shows up on the calendar.
There is no perfect moment. Instead, it is the ability to take the moment you have and make it perfect. There will be no “wrong” time when you find the right person.
5. You’re Jaded
Being jaded is one of the most common reasons I hear when someone doesn’t want to date anymore. They’ve been burned in the past and believe there aren’t any good guys left in the world.
After one, two, or twenty disappointments it is natural to become worn down and discouraged, but keeping your hope alive is the missing piece to finding that special person.
There is no predicting when or where you’ll meet the person you’ll fall in love with. But if you’re too jaded to give them a chance, you’ll risk loosing them forever.