Struggling to come up with sexy texts for him? I get it.
Texting someone you’re into isn’t easy, especially if the last time you dated…texting as a form of communication didn’t exist.
Maybe you just got back into the dating game after divorce, and you’re trying to understand the social rules of texting a man.
Perhaps you’ve been dating a guy and want to get a little hot and steamy with your QWERTY self.
Whatever your excuse, you need help coming up with sexy texts for him that will ensure this man salivates over you.
Are you ready? Excited? Let’s look at some texting strategies that will amp up your game significantly.
Sexy Texts for Him: Tips to Get Started
Realize that texting has its own language. What might come off as funny in a face-to-face conversation might seem creepy or angry via text (that’s where emojis come in handy!), so be aware of how what you’re saying might be taken. Sarcasm rarely comes across well via text, especially with a guy you don’t know well.
Asking a question every few texts will help the conversation keep going, especially if your guy isn’t wordy via text (it’s common, believe me.).
While there’s some debate on whether you should wait a while to respond to a text (this can be considered a form of game-playing, which isn’t cool), I just suggest not focusing on waiting around to get his text. Turn your phone on silent, or just don’t jump up to check it every time it buzzes. This way you aren’t deliberately waiting to respond to his text, but you’re also not making getting a text from him the center of your world.
Also, try to match his cadence in texting. If he’s writing one-liners and you’re writing paragraphs, you’re off balance. Either try to get him to share more, or pull back on giving him the entire lowdown of your life via text. And let him initiate a text convo now and then. I get that you’re impatient and don’t like waiting, but you want to make sure he’s equally into you, and if he doesn’t hear from you for a day, he’ll likely reach out to check in with you.
And don’t be shy about asking him if he wants to talk on the phone!
I’m not sure why or when talking on the phone became a lost art (damn you, Millennials!), but when it comes to getting to know someone you’re interested in, talking on the phone can help things move a lot faster than texting.
You might find out that this guy is actually pretty chatty, but that his thumbs are big, making texts awkward.
When he asks how your day went, give him highlights that show you’re active and interesting.
And Even More Texting Tips…
Maybe you didn’t go skydiving today, but tell a quick story about how you gave someone the Heimlich maneuver at lunch (if it’s true). Responding with “it was good” is yawn-worthy, so be more descriptive, and you’ll automatically catch his attention.
That being said, make sure there’s good back-and-forth. If he’s asking all the questions, that means you’re doing all the talking about yourself.
Respond by asking him questions.
That’s what a conversation is all about. Plus you’re in the getting-to-know you phase of this relationship, and the best way to do that is be a little nosy.
While an occasional acronym (TTYL! BRB! OMG!) is okay, avoid texting like a 16-year-old. You are an adult. You know how to spell words. This guy wants to see that you’re not too lazy to spell out you’re rather than UR.
Likewise, curb your emoji use. One per conversation is usually adequate, but using too many emojis can, once again, make you look juvenile.
And please, ladies, don’t get all twisted when he doesn’t text you back right away. Too many women waste too much energy wondering why a man hasn’t responded. We’ve gotten so used to being able to access anyone via text at any time. Most of us text while at work. Or driving. Or sitting on the toilet. So you worry when you don’t hear back from him.
But trust me.
He didn’t fall into the ocean.
He didn’t perish in a fire.
He’s not on a date with another woman.
He hasn’t stopped liking you.
The man has a life. He may be in the middle of a meeting. Or with friends, and he’s not one of those to text in the middle of dinner (and that’s a great thing!). Sure, he might be playing games by waiting a day to respond to you, but if he’s that kind of guy, you’ll figure it out one way or another soon.
If he does ghost, back away.
Texting and demanding to know why he’s not talking to you in no way will get the response that you want. You will come off as a crazy person! If he was too chicken to tell you why he lost interest, he’s not the guy for you. Move on, Sexy Lady.
And now, let’s look at some sexy texts for him that will inspire you to step up your texting game.
Texts to Get Him to Ask You Out
If you’re meeting men on dating apps, there’s a good chance things could peter out before you even get to meet a guy. Most people on dating apps are simultaneously chatting with several people at once, so essentially you’re competing for this guy’s attention.
Your goal here is to keep his interest. How do you do that? Be intriguing, ask questions, and give him a reason to ask you out.
1. The Initial Text
Apps like Bumble require women to make the first move, which can be intimidating. What can you say to spark this guy’s interest?
You already know a guy you want to message is interested, because he also swiped right on your photo.
(Not to put a damper on things, but a recent study showed that men are far less discerning than women on which profiles they swipe right on.
Some men swipe right on all, considering dating apps a “numbers game.)
Still, the worst that can happen is that he doesn’t respond. No harm, no foul.
So your first text should pique his interest. Look at his profile and his photos and make a comment, along with a question that gets him to respond.
Wow! You and that baby elephant are adorable! What country were you in?
Congratulations! You have the most filled-out profile I’ve seen here. Tell me more about growing up in Scandinavia.
2. Once You’ve Texted a Few Days or Weeks
After you’ve been texting back and forth a while, you might be getting tired of your online-only relationship and be ready to meet this guy. After all, you can’t know if there is chemistry with him until you’re together in person.
There’s a fine line between waiting long enough to know you’re both interested before going out and waiting so long that you probably will just be pen pals. The texts you send at this point are critical in getting him to ask you out.
Have you heard anything about the new [insert action movie here] film? It’s supposed to be killer! (hint hint)
There’s a new Korean BBQ joint I’ve been wanting to check out in my ‘hood, but all of my friends are vegetarian.
And there’s no reason why you can’t ask him out yourself!
I’ve always wanted to try rock climbing! Now that I know an expert, wanna be my instructor? 😉
3. When You’re Ready to Line Up Date #2
You’ve now gone out with this guy, and you both had a great time. Strike while the iron is hot to line up your next date. Remind him how much fun you had together.
My arms are soo sore from our climb! Maybe next time we opt for something less exertive…happy hour?
Who knew skeeball was a competitive sport? I let you win…but that won’t happen next time!
Sexy Texts for Him Before You Have Sex
So things are going well, and you are just about ready to get physical with this man. Sexy texts for him, if done correctly, can be like foreplay. Make him salivate, thinking about the potential of being with you.
4. Here’s the Windup…
You’ve made out on dates and things have gotten a little heated, but nothing more than over the clothes. Pique his interest about what’s under there.
Whew! So tired. Went bra shopping today. Who knew it could be so exhausting? 😊
Had a great time last night. Who knows where it would have led had that group of school children not come up on us on the playground?
5. Let Your Intentions Be Known
Maybe he’s already expressed interest in having sex with you, but you let him know that you needed to take things slow. However, now you’re ready to take things to the next level and you want to let him know.
I find it incredibly sexy that you’ve been patient with me about taking things slow. Trust me, I’m worth the wait!
Congrats. You’ve leveled up. I won’t be holding back the next time I see you. Prepare yourself!
6. Let’s Get It On…Tonight
Just like Baby’s sister in Dirty Dancing, you’ve decided tonight’s the night with Robbie — er, whatever his name is. You want to give him a heads up so he can buy condoms, shower, and manscape. Sexy texts for him like these will get your point across.
Just bought a new red bra. Want me to model it for you after dinner?
Sorry you’ve had a hard week. Come over and I’ll give you a massage. After that? Who knows? 😘
Texts to Keep Him Wanting You
Some of the newness of your relationship has now worn off, but you want to keep your man lusting after you even if you’re not having sex every day anymore. (And hey, not to worry if that’s the case: studies show that couples who have sex more than once a week aren’t any happier than those who have it weekly.) Rather than texting him to pick up the dry cleaning after work, try one of these texts to keep things spicy.
7. If You Haven’t Had Sex in a While
I get it. Life gets in the way. Sometimes you get so busy and don’t realize how long it’s been since you had sex with your man. But it’s time to stop making excuses and start making whoopee (sorry, I couldn’t resist). Send him a text while he’s at work to make him totally distracted from pretending to actually work.
Hey, meet me at home for lunch. I hope you’re hungry. What’s on the menu? Me.
[No words needed. Just send a photo of you in lingerie.]
8. If You Want to Break Out of Your Routine
Bethany and Billy met six months ago. While at the beginning, they went out several times a week for dinner or an event, they’ve quickly settled into the typical Netflix and Chill routine that so many couples end up in. Now, while Bethany knows she’ll get some the second the credits roll on Game of Thrones, she misses the old days when they’d get dressed up, admire one another all night in public, and then rip each other’s clothes off the second they walked in the door.
She decides to try a different approach to get Billy off of the couch.
Iron your blue shirt, baby. I’m taking you out for oysters. And yes, they’re an aphrodisiac. The rules? You can’t touch me til we get home.
Remember we’ve got that work party tonight. This’ll keep you awake: I’m not going to be wearing underwear!
9. If You Want to Remind Him Of How Hot You Are For Him
After those oysters, you and your man lit a fire in the bedroom, and you can’t stop smiling. Don’t keep it to yourself; let him know by writing sexy texts for him to feel like a stud.
Our bed will never be the same. Should we burn the sheets? I blush at the memory.
Wow. I’m still speechless at how fantastic you were last night. I look forward to a repeat performance…tonight?
Un-Sexy Texts for Him: What NOT to Write
Just like there are sexy texts for him going bananas over you, there are also un-sexy texts and bad textiquette that you should avoid.
If You Haven’t Heard from Him in a Few Days (or Hours)
I get it. You are super excited about this new guy, and you want to bask in his attention. But like I said earlier, just because he doesn’t respond to your text the minute you send it…or even within hours…doesn’t mean you should give up on him. Here’s exactly the kind of text you don’t want to send:
Hiyee! Did you get my last  texts? Hope your phone’s not broken!!
Wow, whatever dude. Clearly you don’t have enough respect for me to respond within two hours. Bye, Felicia.
Seriously, girl. Chill.
Waiting by the phone isn’t going to make it buzz. And the more energy you put into waiting, the more fantastical scenarios you’ll envision as to why he isn’t texting. (He’s going out with my BFF! I just know it!) Curb your hysteria and find something to do to distract yourself.
If You Have Questions
Yes, I did say that asking a guy questions via text is a good way to start a conversation, however, let me make a caveat. Go light on the questions unless you’re both asking them. You don’t want to be guilty of the machine gun text, where you pepper him with question after question. Especially if you haven’t met for your first date yet, this can be overwhelming. Some topics, like his messed up childhood, are better discussed over steak.
So…what did you do today? Did you go to the gym? How long did you work out? Were you thinking of me?
What do you do for a living? Where do you live? Do you have siblings?
Too much too soon. If you must, make a list of questions you are dying to ask him, then dole them out slowly. Don’t scare him off with your over-inquisitive nature.
If You’re Trying to Be Sexy
If you haven’t yet gotten a handle on being a Sexy, Confident Lady, you might feel a little bumbling when it comes to writing sexy texts for him. It will take practice, so don’t be hard on yourself.
You might consider sharing your sexy texts for him with a good girlfriend who can critique what you want to say and make sure you don’t come off like this:
[Don’t send a nude photo if he hasn’t yet seen you naked…and if you do, make sure the timestamp doesn’t say some time other than now. That might indicate that you took the photo for someone else…last night!]
You dirty, naughty boy. What will I do to punish you? [then you realize you sent this to your DAD, not DAN!]
Ease into the sexy texts for him to gauge his response. If he’s ultra conservative, sending something racy might confuse him or push him away. Always know your audience.
If You’re Drunk
If you’re drunk, I don’t recommend sending a sexy text for him at all. It’s too easy to say something you don’t mean, and you’ll come off looking needy, desperate, or sloppy…or all three.
I just want to say…baby…I love you. 💋💋💋 [sent when you have not already declared your love for him]
I am soooo drunk. Wanna come over and play?
Especially if you don’t know this guy well, you don’t entirely know you can trust him to not take advantage of you when you’re not operating at full capacity. Turn your phone off or give it to a friend so you avoid the dreaded drunk texts.
If You Don’t Know What to Say
When sending sexy texts for him, you can do better than starting a text conversation off with just Hey. Guys are notorious for this, but you can improve your text game instantly just by launching into a topic or asking a question right away.
If You’re Hinting Around to Get Asked Out
You might be too shy to ask this man out, so you want to poke around until he does the asking. Guys aren’t dumb. If you ask him what his weekend plans are and don’t automatically launch into your own action-packed weekend schedule, he’s going to assume you’re asking because you want to be included in them. If you’ve been dating a while, that works, but if you haven’t gone out yet or have gone on just a few dates, it can smell a little desperate.
Whatcha up to this weekend? I’ve got absolutely nothing going on…
I’m so bored! What are you doing?
The more you work on your sexy texts for him, the better you’ll get at it. Like I said, every guy is different, so the text strategy that works for one may not work for another. One guy may absolutely suck at having actual text conversations, but be great at calling. Another may sweetly check in on you every morning before you go to work.
One may send penis pics and ask for you to reciprocate. Another may be too embarrassed to try sexting. One man may think witty comments about politics are foreplay. Know his limits before you send sexy texts for him.
Texting is a fantastic platform to keep your relationship moving forward, whether you’re at the beginning or have been dating for a while. Have fun with it! The more time you spend sending sexy texts for him, the more confident you will become.
What’s a sexy text for him that has gotten great results for you?