You’re not in your 20s anymore. You’ve had relationships that never quite lived up to the high standards you had in your head, and more and more, you find yourself alone.
But being alone is hard.
And being part of a couple is easy…usually. Studies back this up: being in a relationship makes people happier than doubling their income does.
So maybe at this point in your life, you back off of those high standards you’ve had in the past, and are more willing to accept a relationship that isn’t quite everything you ever wanted.
Ask yourself: have you ever settled for a “Good Enough” Relationship, just to avoid not being alone?
What is a “Good Enough Relationship”?
It’s what it sounds like: there’s nothing blatantly wrong with this guy, but there’s nothing magical and amazing about the relationship.
Deep down, you know this isn’t The One, but you have no real reason to leave. Maybe you don’t believe you ever will find The One, so you stay with a guy who is safe, but who doesn’t do it for you.
Listen up lady. You may be doing yourself more harm than good; being in an unsatisfying relationship can make people more unhappy than being alone.
How to Know You’re in a Good Enough Relationship
Not sure if you’re in a GER? Here are signs.
1. He Doesn’t Make Your Heart Flutter.
I’m not saying that you should expect the butterflies in your stomach and heart flutters indefinitely, but the start of your relationship should be filled with that sort of nervous anticipation whenever you see him. You care about this guy…but about on par with how you care for your brother. Or a random dog you see.
Don’t confuse mere affection for love, and don’t force yourself into feeling what you don’t.
2. You Fantasize About Other Guys.
You’re in a restaurant with your beau and you’re checking out the waiter over his shoulder. You dress up when you go out, but not for him. You want other men to find you attractive. Maybe even during sex, you’re conjuring images of Matthew McConaughey or the UberEats delivery guy.
This isn’t fair to the guy you’re with, even if he’s not aware of how little you think about him.
3. You Don’t Look Forward to Sex.
You’ve worn out the whole “I have a headache” excuse, so now you just try to go somewhere else mentally when you have sex because you are not feeling it. You go through the motions because you know this is a good guy…you’re just not passionate about him.
Again: unfair. Here he is trying to connect with you emotionally and physically, and you’re not even enjoying yourself.
4. You Avoid Spending Time with Him.
While you’re happy to tell your friends that you have a boyfriend, no one ever sees you with him. Why? Because you do your best to not be home or have to spend time with him. You’re cool with having boyfriend status, but you’re less than willing to put in the work it takes to nurture this relationship.
If you look back at the past week and realize how little you’ve seen your man, how different is that from being alone?
5. You Argue a Lot.
It seems like either you or he are constantly picking fights. You can’t seem to agree on anything! And yet, by the end of the argument, you find yourself backing down, apologizing when you’re not wrong, out of fear of losing him.
It’s not him you’re actually worried about losing. It’s being with someone you don’t want to lose.
6. You Accept Behavior You Shouldn’t.
This covers everything from him simply being a slob around the house to verbally abusing you — or worse. When you justify his behavior, realize that you’re making excuses for something that he shouldn’t be doing.
Fear of being alone shouldn’t put you in danger or even make you settle for less than what a partner should give you.
If you find yourself making excuses for his behavior, either to yourself or to others, it’s time to accept that this isn’t even a Good Enough Relationship. It’s moved right over into Harmful and Bad Relationship. Make your exit.
7. You Know You’re Settling.
You don’t need any red flags to alert you that you’re in a Good Enough Relationship. You know it completely. You simply don’t believe that letting this guy go and freeing yourself up to finding The One will actually net results. You’ve given up on love, and lady, that makes me sad.
When You Settle…
You prevent yourself from ever knowing whether the right guy is out there.
And I believe he is.
You decide that the guy you’re with checks a lot of boxes on your list, and brush aside the fact that he doesn’t check off the big ones, like that you feel passion and love for him.
You limit your own happiness when you settle. You are sexy. Confident. You deserve 100% happiness.
No, scratch that.
Settling will never help you realize your full life and love potential. You’re cutting yourself short.
When you settle, you give yourself the false sense of security that being with someone — anyone — is better than being alone.
And let me tell you something: being alone isn’t a negative thing.
It gives you time to know yourself. Love yourself.
And you know what they say.
You’ve got to love yourself before you can love anyone else.
Don’t roll your eyes. It’s not BS. When you base your self-worth on whether or not you’re with someone — regardless of whether he’s right for you or not — you do yourself a disservice. You are a worthy woman without a man. You have a full life of friends and career and things you enjoy doing.
Having a man in your life only enhances that.
But having the wrong man in your life…even if he’s a really decent guy…curbs your ability to live life fully.
The right guy is out there. I know that it might feel like he’s not, but realize that he will not come into your life before he is meant to!
He might be meant to bump into you at the coffee shop tomorrow morning.
He might be the friend your BFF’s hubby brings to the holiday party.
He’s out there.
So don’t settle.
Never ever compromise on getting what you want from love. Have high expectations.
He’ll find you.