You’re starting to feel invested in this guy…and yet you find yourself looking for signs he just wants sex. You want to know now before you’re in too deep if there’s no possibility of a relationship.
The last thing you want is to fall for a man who has one thing on his mind.
Am I right?
So…does he want a relationship or just sex?
I’ll be honest: all men like sex, want sex, and will move mountains to have sex with you.
It’s in our DNA. Don’t blame me, blame evolution.
If this man is pursuing you in any fashion, he’s already thought about having sex with you in his mind about 25 times a day.
Although that may sound a little creepy to you, him wanting to have sex with you is not really a bad thing.
The bad thing is if he only wants sex from you…and once he gets it, he’s done with you…then you have a problem.
Not to worry, fearless lady. I’m going to help you decipher the signs he just wants sex so that you can decide what to do about it.
P.S. If you want to turn a guy who’s just into a casual fling into a bona fide boyfriend, check out my Casual to Committed program.
Just having sex with someone can sometimes be super fun…as long as both of you are on the same page in terms of this being a sex-only relationship. Having no strings attached means you get your physical needs met without having any of the work (or risk) of a relationship.
But since you’re here, I’m guessing that you’re looking for love and that you want to avoid a guy who just wants sex. Still, these men are out there, so knowing the signs that he just wants sex can save you a lot of heartache and headache.
1. He’s Extremely Social and Surrounds Himself With Women
The sexual stereotype that we’ve all been fed is that she wants commitment and he just wants sex with as many people as possible. But a scientific study of the Makushi people in Guyana shows something interesting: this was only true when women were in high supply. When women were in short supply, men were more likely to be ready to commit.
The lesson here? If a man is surrounded by women (lots of female friends, at parties with lots of women), he likely sees the abundance as a challenge to conquer. That’s not what you’re looking for.
Now, certainly, a man who is willing to commit and be in an actual relationship with you should leave behind at least some of the women he formerly was around. I’ve always personally found that once I meet a woman I’m serious about, I cut ties with any other (insignificant) women in my life. But you can’t wait around and hope that this man will do that.
If you see a guy on a dating app and all his pictures show him surrounded by beautiful women, assume that he is exhibiting one of the signs he just wants sex.
2. Your Best Times are Sex-Related
When you think about the times you’ve spent with this man, you think, wow, we really have a great time.
But what are you doing when you have a great time?
Trying the best restaurants in your city?
Exploring museums together?
Or are you having a great time…in bed?
If you spend the majority of your time together having sex…or if your dates consist of delivery pizza or a quick trip to 7-Eleven…then I’m sorry to say…but he just wants sex.
Don’t believe me? Invite him out for a real date and see what his reaction is.
3. You’re Giving Him (Only) What He Wants
Now, this is on him primarily, but you need to look at your own behavior too. If the only thing you’re giving him is sex, then how can you be upset that he just wants sex??
In order for a man to commit, he needs to get something from you that he can’t get anywhere else. Sex, he can find nearly anywhere. Your unique personality? Not so much.
If you’re moaning and groaning about how he’s not committing to you beyond your nightly romp, look to Interdependence Theory to understand why that is. This theory says that people commit to a partner to the extent that they are dependent on that partner. What makes a man dependent on you?
- Satisfaction. And not just sexual! If he gets many benefits without expending too much, he’ll be dependent on you.
- Alternatives. He can’t get his needs met better elsewhere.
- Investment. He has invested time, emotion, and energy into you.
If these aren’t happening, you’ve given him no reason to feel like he wants to commit to you and build a relationship. If you want something more, make sure you’re giving something more and not communicating that sex is the most important thing to you.
4. Every Conversation Turns Sexual
You: Boy, I’m tired today.
Him: Tired from all the sex we had in your dreams last night?
You: I need to pick up an eggplant from the store.
Him: You know what an eggplant looks like?
Another of the signs he just wants sex is when every conversation seems to turn into something sexual for him. He’s incapable of having a text or talk that doesn’t end up that way (kinda the equivalent of the whole that’s what she said meme).
Frankly, it’s exhausting and immature.
Why do men do this? I’m not really sure. It might be that they’re not confident and feel like they need to remind you of how amazing it is to have sex with them (they hope). Maybe they genuinely have nothing else to talk about. Either way, do you really want to be spending your time with this kind of man?
5. He’s in a Stage in His Life Where He Doesn’t Want More than Sex
Consider where the man you’re dating…er, sleeping with…is in his life. If he’s between 26 and 33, he may have commitment and even marriage on the mind, but after that period, the chances he’ll marry begin to decline, and at that point, it’s likely he just wants sex.
If you really want to date a man with long-term potential, consider targeting men in this age bracket. Now, that’s certainly not to say that men this age always want a relationship, or that older men only want sex, but it’s something to consider if you’re seeing signs he just wants sex with every guy you’re with.
6. He Only Texts When He Wants to Hook Up
Stop and think about the last time this guy texted you first. First, what time of day was it? If he’s exhibiting signs he just wants sex, I’m willing to bet that he texted late at night.
Now, what did he text? Did he ask you about your day? Tell you about his? Share anything personal?
Maybe it was more like…
What you doin?
A man who can’t be bothered to hold a conversation with you via text (or even bother to call) and who only beckons you when he wants you is one that isn’t boyfriend material. And if you respond every time to his late-night text, you’re just giving him permission to continue this behavior.
The next time he texts looking to hook up, just ignore him. You deserve better.
7. Your “Dates” Are Always at Home
He’s not just into me for sex, you say, we go out all the time!
Okay, where does he take you?
Out for an Italian dinner…or drive-thru tacos so you can get home faster?
To the movies…or to his house for a Netflix and Chill session?
Dating requires going on — you guessed it — dates! And while there’s nothing wrong with hanging at home once you’ve been together several weeks or months, it should not be how you start out. Certainly, you’ll want to jump into bed with your boyfriend…but that comes after you’ve gone out and explored your city and gotten to know each other on dates.
8. He’s Too Focused on Your Looks
You should have seen the warning signs with his first Match.com message to you:
Damn girl, your curves are sexy!
You felt flattered, though, in reality, you would have preferred him to say something about your intellect and wit. Still, a compliment’s a compliment, you figured.
But…a woman can only take so many flattering comments.
Enough already! My body’s hot! I know!
Every woman likes being complimented, but if his focus is solely on your body, he’s not getting to know you at a deeper level…nor is he interested in doing so.
9. You Don’t Know Much About Him
When you tell your best friend that you’ve been dating this guy for a month, she asks what he does. You hesitate.
Uh…something in law enforcement I think? Maybe a firefighter? Marine? Hm…
Then she asks if he has family here.
I think he mentioned a second cousin once removed…I’m not sure.
If after a few weeks you know little more than this guy’s name and what he looks like naked, that’s by design. He’s not trying to let you into his life.
He may see you several times a week. You may make each other laugh. But he’s put up a barrier that keeps you from getting too close to him. Because if you start having feelings for him, his access to booty is blocked and he’s got to start all over again with someone new (or move on to the other women he currently has in rotation).
10. He’s Conveniently Got Excuses Why He Can’t Hang with Your Friends
If you think you’re actually dating this guy, it stands to reason that you’d want to introduce him to your friends. And yet…every single time you bring up a plan, he has an excuse.
He’s out of town that weekend (though Instagram shows otherwise).
He’s sick (though Instagram shows otherwise).
He’s got the plumber coming (though Instagram shows otherwise).
If he keeps thwarting your attempts to introduce him to your friends, take that as one of the signs he just wants sex. He doesn’t want to do anything that reeks of “boyfriend.” Meeting your friends indicates that you two are an item, and he definitely doesn’t want to communicate that to them…or to you.
11. It Feels Almost Too Good To Be True
He’s doing all the right things. Texting you. Complimenting you. Making you feel like a sex goddess. You really don’t think he’s exhibiting any of these signs he just wants sex.
So why are you reading this article?
Sometimes when things seem too good to be true, they are. You’re living in a fantasy world with this guy. That works for the first few dates, but after a few weeks, you both should be letting your hair down a bit and being more your authentic selves.
If he continues to keep up the Prince Charming act, it’s likely because he doesn’t want to let you into his heart.
Conclusion: If He Shows Signs He Just Wants Sex…
If, after reading this article and watching the video above, you’re nodding your head furiously saying, he just wants sex. How did I not see it before? let’s now address what you want to do next.
If you yourself only want a hookup, it’s not an issue. You’re both getting what you need from the other. As long as emotions don’t come into play, no one gets hurt.
Because you’re a Sexy Confident Lady who reads the articles I write here about love and commitment, I think that’s not what you want. I think you’d love more than anything for this guy to change his Bad Boy ways and fall for you.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it’s not going to happen.
Rather than continue to sleep with this man and secretly try to win his heart, you’re better off cutting ties with him and finding someone who is ready for a real and open relationship. A man who, while he enjoys having sex with you, is looking for so much more. A man you can be yourself with.
One final note: while I never judge any woman for how soon she sleeps with a man, do realize that how soon you have sex with a man communicates certain things to him. If you sleep with him on the first or second date, he’s thinking, she’s down for hookups. Cool!
On the other hand, if you wait until you know one another better (even if you’re fighting off his and your raging hormones), you’re much more likely to have long-term relationship potential. You’ve made it clear that you are not looking for casual sex, and he will have had time to become emotionally invested in you.
And if you ask me…sex is better once you know each other more.
So talk to me. What signs he just wants sex have you noticed in the men you’ve dated? What did you do about it?
My Casual to Committed program will help you quickly identify guys like these who will never commit, and help you find high-value men who will. Check it out today!