You’re really digging this guy, and you’re desperate for signs that he wants you to be his girlfriend. He seems into you…but is there anything you can do to speed up the process to commitment?
I’ll just say this: if you two are meant to be, you will be. But some men move a little slow when it comes to taking things to the next level, so I want to share a few ways you can know that things are moving on the right track and give you one way at the end of this article that you can speed things up.
First: Are You Ready to Be a Girlfriend?
It’s one thing to fantasize about having a boyfriend, especially if you have been hurt in a past long-term relationship and are ready to try again, but consider what it really requires. Ask yourself the following questions to know whether you’re even ready for a relationship at this point in your life.
Do You Have the Time and Energy to Put into a Relationship?
Relationships take effort. Consider whether you are willing to give up your evenings out with the girls or the time you relish curled up with a good book to spend time with someone special. It won’t all be roses and unicorns; in the early days, he may whisk you off of your feet, but as you grow into a settled relationship, there will be more hanging out at home. You may argue. You’ll have to work at being a good partner.
You may or may not be at a point in your life where you’re ready to give up what you have for this, so consider your answer to this question carefully.
Are You Willing to Compromise on Things?
A healthy relationship involves compromise on both people’s parts. That means that you won’t always get your way…and neither will he. You have to really care about someone to be willing to sacrifice your perfect scenario so that both of you can be at least a little content with the outcome.
Realize, though, that there is a fine line between compromising and settling. With compromise, you’re both giving up a little something so the two of you can be somewhat happy. With settling, you’re giving up something entirely for your partner’s happiness. A good partner won’t ask you to settle.
Are You Okay with Working to Be the Best Partner Possible?
A relationship takes work. You have to be willing to recognize your flaws and want to make an effort to improve on them. You should want to be the best partner possible if you really care about this person.
But if you’re not up for it, there’s nothing wrong with it. You just aren’t ready for a relationship.
Can You Accept His Flaws?
If it’s been a while since you dated, it may be easy for you to only see a man’s good qualities. You focus on his sense of humor and great kisses…and overlook his sloppy habits or snoring. If you’re in a relationship with a man, you have to be okay with his less-than-perfection. You don’t have to find those hacksaw snores adorable, but they shouldn’t grate your nerves to the point of wanting to smother him with a pillow.
Does He Fit into Your Life Right Now?
You may think you want a relationship, but ask yourself whether your life is set up for one. Maybe you’re planning to move out of state in six months. Or you’re consumed with taking care of your kids. This might not be the best point in your life to commit to a relationship. Know that if you have other major things going on, the relationship will likely suffer, and then it stands no chance of working out.
Do You Really Care About Him (Or Do You Just Not Want to Be Alone)?
Sadly, I’ve seen a lot of women in unhappy relationships simply because they think it’s a better alternative to being alone. I don’t know why being alone gets such a bad rap. It’s actually pretty great and can help you prepare yourself for a fantastic relationship when the time is right.
So consider whether you really want this guy to be your boyfriend…or you just want someone to fill the lonely nights.
Is He a Good Fit For You?
You might have great sexual chemistry…or he makes you laugh. But one factor doesn’t mean he’s boyfriend material for you. The better you know yourself, the better you know what kind of man is a good fit for you. Obviously, the two of you need to be on the same page about what you want commitment-wise. But you should also have things in common, and be able to connect emotionally, intelligently, and physically.
What to Look for: Signs He Wants You to Be His Girlfriend
If you’re still reading, I’m going to assume that yes, you are ready to be a girlfriend…specifically this guy’s girlfriend! Now let’s look at those signs he wants you to be his girlfriend so you know you’re not wasting time with this man.
1. He Texts (and Calls) You Regularly
There’s something to be said about a man who is consistent. I know that when I first started dating Jessica, I wanted to talk to her constantly, so I’d text first thing in the morning and call later in the evening.
A man who isn’t interested in a future with you will call or text when he wants to…and that might not be all that often. But if he’s reaching out regularly, this might be one of the signs he wants you to be his girlfriend.
2. He Makes Plans More Than a Day in Advance
Again, a man who isn’t interested in committing won’t want to make plans more than a day (or even just a few hours) ahead. I know this annoys the #%@! of you, but if that’s happening, he’s probably not boyfriend material.
On the other hand, if the guy you’re seeing is talking about weekend plans on Monday…or even discussing an event happening in several weeks…it’s because he wants you to still be with him in the not-too-distant future.
3. He is Open with His Feelings
If you look back at men you’ve dated briefly, you probably can see a pattern of emotional unavailability. Before you assume all men are robots when it comes to expressing their feelings, let me just say that a man who sees no future with a woman may be more closed off to her. So essentially, none of the guys you’ve dated could express their feelings because they weren’t a good fit for you.
A man who is interested in a relationship with you will be open with his feelings. He can be vulnerable with you and tell you how much he cares. This feels pretty great, doesn’t it?
4. He Responds Quickly to Your Texts
There’s nothing more annoying than someone who takes hours (or even days) to respond to a text. Am I right? Really, you should see this as communicating how interested in you a man is. If he takes all day to respond every time you text him (and doesn’t have a genuine excuse, like having to keep his phone off at work), then he’s probably not wanting to be your boyfriend.
On the other hand, a man who is quick to respond does so because he’s happy to hear from you and wants to keep the conversation going.
5. You Have Regular Plans
Maybe you meet in the park every Saturday morning for a run, followed by brunch. Maybe you spend each Friday evening together. If you have regular plans with this man, it’s a good sign he wants you to be his girlfriend.
A man who’s dating multiple women will be more sporadic about when he spends time with you (assuming there’s not a better option).
6. He Compliments You
A man gets nothing out of complimenting you…except a smile and maybe a kiss. So if he’s doing it (sincerely), it’s probably because he’s smitten with you. But pay attention to what kinds of compliments he’s throwing your way. Are they only about your physical appearance…or does he also compliment your intelligence, your accomplishments, or even your tastes? If it’s just physical, he may not be interested in anything more than sex, but if his compliments are well-rounded, he may want you to be his lady!
7. He Talks About the Future
This guy isn’t just making plans a few weeks out, he’s actually talking about the far-off future…with you in it! Maybe he says he’d love for you to come with him for the holidays to meet his family. Or he says something about maybe moving in together one day.
A man with his eye on the future is a keeper, as long as your desires and goals align with his.
8. He Has Opened Up About His Past
I’m certainly not saying that every commitment-ready man will easily open up about past relationships, heartbreak, et cetera, but if this man is willing to tell you what happened in the past, he’s letting you know that he feels comfortable enough with you to be vulnerable.
That’s huge. In our culture, men are often dissuaded from being vulnerable. A study found that when male leaders asked for help, they were seen as less competent and confident. So many men aren’t comfortable talking about past situations where maybe they suffered pain or trauma because they think it makes them look weak.
So if this man is opening up, it’s definitely one of the signs he wants you to be his girlfriend!
9. He Has Introduced You to Friends and Family
A man who wants to date you for a few weeks won’t bother to introduce you to the people who matter to him. What’s the point? You won’t be around for long. Plus, introducing a woman to his family communicates to them that this might be serious.
If you get that invite…know that he feels pretty strongly about you.
10. He Asks Questions to Get to Know You
As a dating coach, I’ve worked with women who marvel at the fact that they have dated men for weeks who never bother to ask them one question about themselves! Feels pretty crummy, especially if you are a naturally curious person and do your fair share of question-asking.
But if a man wants to know everything about you — from your favorite food to your passions and childhood stories — understand that he’s working to get to know you and share a bond with you.
11. He Cares What You Think
“Which tie do you like better?”
“What do you think about me looking for a new job?”
Big or small, this man wants your opinion. He values what you think. That’s a refreshing change from those men who didn’t care about anything beyond how you looked and what you did for them in bed. Be honest with your opinion and get his advice for your own situations as well.
12. You’re Spending More and More Time Together
Maybe initially you saw each other once a week…but that number increased more and more, and now you’re together four or five days a week. Maybe you stay the night at one another’s house on the weekends. Spending time together is how you bond and get to know a person better.
What you do matters as much as how much you’re together. Are you doing a wide range of activities, from occasionally going out to dinner to hanging with friends to just chilling on the couch? That’s a good sign! As you settle into a relationship, you may go out less than you did initially, but the time will be more quality.
13. He Tells You Everything
You’re the first person he calls when he gets a raise…or his grandma dies. You’re his person.
You’re confident that he’s not keeping things from you…and you aren’t keeping things from him. The two of you are like two peas in a pod, and you love sharing everything.
14. Even at Your Worst, He’s There
After a particularly stressful day, you blow up at your man. Then you’re doing a facepalm. What were you thinking? You’ll totally scare him off…only you don’t.
He accepts you at your worst, even if you’re taking it out on him. He understands that this is part of who you are, and he’s okay with the occasional outburst or tears.
15. The Sex Gets Better (But Isn’t Everything in Your Relationship)
Even if the sex started out pretty great, you’re amazed at how much better it keeps getting. The longer you’re together, the more at ease you both are with one another, and you can be more comfortable with one another sexually. You may become more okay with telling him your preferences in the bedroom, which makes for great communication and even better results!
16. He Stays the Night at Your Place
If you’ve ever slept with a man who didn’t want a relationship, you know the drill:
“Man, that was great! [Yawn.] Well, I have an early day tomorrow, so I better go.”
You know darn well that he doesn’t have an early day. He just doesn’t want to stay. Because staying the night with someone and being non-sexually intimate (holding each other close all night) intimidates the hell out of many men.
But a man who is willing to stay the night is up for all of the emotions that come with sleeping next to someone. So if he’s stayed the night several times with you, this is one of the signs he wants you to be his girlfriend.
17. He Gives You Thoughtful Gifts
He picks up a vintage magazine at a thrift store because he knows you collect them. He’s memorized your favorite coffee order and sometimes drops off a latte for you at work. These are small gifts but make for big gestures. They mean he’s thinking of you when he’s not with you, and that he wants to communicate that he cares.
18. He Gives You His Undivided Attention
This isn’t one of those men who pay more attention to their phones than to you. This guy is engaged whenever he’s around you, and he puts his phone on silent and forgets about it. He’s ready to absorb you and devote his full attention to the beautiful woman that’s in front of him.
19. He Cheers You On
When you get a raise, he pops a bottle of champagne. When you’re excited about an accomplishment, he’s right there being your cheerleader. If you’re working toward a goal, like running a marathon, he’s by your side.
This is next-level when it comes to dating because a man who is only superficially interested in you won’t want to expend the energy it takes to be a supportive partner. A boyfriend, on the other hand…
20. Even When Frustrated, He Communicates Well
He’s having a bad day, and he could lash out at you, but he keeps his cool. Maybe you’ve been with men who take their stress out on you (never a healthy thing; this can be considered emotional abuse), but you’re impressed at how this man separates his frustrations from his feelings about you.
Even if he needs time to get over whatever he’s upset about, he can communicate this to you.
21. He Can’t Stop Touching You
And he’s not just touching you in a sexual way. Whenever you’re within arm’s reach, he’s holding your hand, putting his arm around you, kissing you, or touching your face. Touch communicates emotion and also lets him connect with you physically.
22. He’s Got a Nickname for You
Whether that nickname is babe or stinky, he’s comfortable enough with you to have a private name or two (maybe based on an inside joke) that only he calls you.
23. He Lets You See Him Vulnerable
Being vulnerable isn’t easy for anyone, especially men. But if he lets you see him cry or opens up about his feelings, he’s saying that he trusts you with his heart. Be careful with it!
Now that you’ve reviewed the signs he wants you to be his girlfriend, what do you think? Is your man exhibiting several of them? Share in the comments below which signs your guy is showing…and tell us what you want to happen next!
Let me leave you with one thing you can do to get to that place of commitment sooner: be yourself. The sooner you can be authentic around this man and see that he’s okay with the fact that you cuss like a sailor and love being the life of the party, the sooner you can start your relationship in earnest.
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