If you’re looking up “signs he’s a player,” I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that you’re dating a guy who seems to be playing with your mind just a little bit. A man who won’t commit, no matter how amazing you are. A man who sees you as part of his lineup of women that he’s sleeping with.
But before you cut ties with him, you want to make absolutely certain that he is indeed a player. Then you’ll cut bait and move on. Am I right?
Between the ages of 24 to 28 years old, I loved to party. I loved to go out a lot. I wouldn’t say I was a “player…” but looking back, I’m sure some of the women I dated saw me that way. Looking back, I can’t believe how I was then and how much I’ve changed.
But now, being in a very happy four-year relationship, I have a different insight into signs he’s a player (and yeah, that I was, too). I’m going to share those with you so that you can quickly determine whether this man is worth your time and emotion or not.
P.S. If you can get a man to commit, you never have to worry about him being a player! Sign up for my special training to get a man to miss you and commit to only you, and you won’t have to read articles about “signs he’s a player” anymore!
9 Signs He’s a Player That You Should NEVER Ignore
You’re looking for true love. You’re not looking to date a man-child who only wants one thing from you.
You want something real. And you deserve it.
Dating after 40 is tough. I get it. If a guy hasn’t been married…you want to know why. If he has…you want to know what went wrong. There are a shocking number of players out there at every age…and you simply don’t have the energy to cut through the crap to find the real gems…if they’re even out there.
They are, I promise. Good guys — men worthy of your love — exist, and once you learn to identify the signs he’s a player, you’ll be able to pass on all the wrong men to get to the right One. So if the man you’re dating is showing any or all of the following signs he’s a player, don’t waste another second on him, because he’s standing in your way to happiness.
1. He Almost Seems…Emotionally Dead on the Inside
Have you ever dated a guy and wondered to yourself, “Is this dude a f$#%ing robot?”
He’s probably not a robot…he’s just not trying to show you the emotion you want to see, that you need to feel a connection with him.
(By the way, I shouldn’t knock robots; scientists are working on creating robots that feel emotions, so even they have this guy beat!)
When a guy is sleeping around, hooking up with various women, the last thing he wants to do is open up that emotional side to any of them. He’s not about to get sucked into a relationship when he can keep playing the field, so he compartmentalizes sex from emotion. Men are good at that.
“Men are more emotionally compartmentalized — women’s brains seem to have more overall connectivity, which means emotions from one experience or task spill into other experiences and tasks.”
So if you’re dating a man who seems void of all emotion, he’s not a scientific anomaly. He’s just a player who doesn’t want you to see that vulnerable side of him. You never will see it, either, so don’t try to convince him otherwise.
2. He’s Got a Player Lifestyle
If you find yourself attracted to bartenders or musicians or professional athletes…be aware that there are a high number of players in these professions. Even men who travel all of the time are more likely to be players since they’re rarely in one place long enough to have a relationship and it’s easy to hide sleeping with other women when they’re scattered all over the globe.
In each of these examples, these men are exposed to a ton of women — women who, like you, are attracted to lead singers or men who can make a mean martini — and the temptation is always there. If they aren’t into being in a relationship, they see their profession as the perfect opportunity to sleep around with as many women as possible.
Now, I know it’s a bit unfair to jump to the conclusion that all bartenders or musicians are players because that certainly isn’t true, but…if the man you’re dating is in one of these professions and exhibits some of these other signs he’s a player…then tread very carefully.
3. He’s Really, Really Smooth
How did you meet this man?
Did he approach you from across the room, chat you up, get your number…and it felt too good to be true?
Sorry to say, but it probably is…unless you like dating a smooth operator!
Guys who are good at flirting and getting women’s attention are good at it for a reason: they do it a lot. Trust me: as a dating coach who used to teach men how to meet you sexy, single ladies, flirting really is a learnable skill. The more they go out and flirt with women, the better they get at doing it.
So if the guy you’re dating is really smooth at flirting, he’s probably flirting with more than just you.
4. The Relationship Revolves Around Sex
Will he meet you for lunch on a Tuesday?
NOPE. Never has happened. Never will.
The only time he’s willing to meet you is if he knows it will result in sex. Sorry to break it to you, but you’re not dating this guy. You’re sleeping with him. It won’t turn into a relationship, so you’re better off cutting ties now before you get really hurt.
5. He’ll Meet Your Friends, But You Won’t Meet His
Sure, he’s willing to meet your friends, to chat them up, so that you like him and will continue to sleep with him…
But he won’t risk having you meet his friends. Why? Because, quite frankly, they might spill the beans about the floozy he brought to them the week prior.
One of the signs he’s a player is that he’s pretty secretive about his life, and that’s for a reason. He doesn’t want to get caught with evidence that he’s sleeping with multiple women.
6. His Life is in Flux
Is he constantly jumping around from job to job…
…Or looking to move to Chicago one week…then Berlin the next?
If that’s the case, then security and commitment are clearly not core values in his life right now. He’s jumping around, trying to figure out what to do with his life. That isn’t necessarily a sign he’s a player, but it does mean he most likely will not make a good partner for you right now…or ever.
7. You Catch Him in Lies About His Social Life
Did he tell you he’s got a boys’ night out on Friday? But then you saw on his Instagram story that he was with a group of girls…not guys.
Dishonesty isn’t the way to start a relationship…and you can be fairly certain he’s sleeping with at least one of those women.
But some guys are too slick to get caught on social media like that. Are there other inconsistencies? Like you ask what he did last weekend twice, and you get two different answers? Or he goes to elaborate efforts to tell you about a place he went…that you’ve actually been to and it doesn’t match up?
Listen to your intuition here. A liar will never be Mr. Right.
8. You’ve Slept With Him More Than 3 Times…But Never Been on a Real Date
Guys that are players don’t want to take women on real dates (like paying for, oh, I don’t know, DINNER?) because they don’t want to set unrealistic expectations. They want to keep it in the bedroom.
So if you’re finding that you’re having sex but not really doing what real couples do — i.e. having meaningful conversations over coffee, going to a nice restaurant, even just being out in public holding hands — chances are he only wants sex from you and is indeed showing signs he’s a player.
9. All of Your Friends Tell You He’s a Player
All of your friends are telling you he’s a player…or even worse, your friends are sending you this video and article right now to tell you to get out of a bad situation!
Look: are your friends always right? Of course not! BUT if all your friends are giving you the same feedback — that this guy is playing you — you owe it to yourself to explore the situation a bit further and really heed their advice. After all, they only want what’s best for you.
At this point, you’ve come to one of two conclusions:
Conclusion 1: You realize that the man you’re dating isn’t a player, but that maybe he’s just moving slowly. He’s exhibiting signs of wanting to be in a relationship with you (he takes you on dates, you have long phone calls about anything and everything, he’s looking for more than just sex), but maybe hasn’t taken the step toward full commitment. I hope that’s the case because you can definitely work with that.
Conclusion 2: You have read this list of signs he’s a player and you’re like “oh yeah, Adam. This guy is totally a player.”
The question is, in the second situation: what will you do now? You respect yourself too much to let this man play you, and he’s just a roadblock on your way to finding true love. So don’t waste a single second on him. And don’t try to play games to give him a taste of his own medicine either. Just exit stage left as quickly as possible.
What can you say to end things?
“We seem to want different things right now. I’m looking for something of substance, while you seem to be looking for something casual.”
“I’m really a one-guy kind of gal, so dating other people isn’t really something I’m into. Best of luck to you!”
Realize that his ego will be bruised. Above all, players like collecting trophies (women), so he might not let you go so easily. He may make promises that, I assure you, he cannot keep. He may lie and say he’s not dating other women, even though you have evidence to the contrary.
Again, trust your gut. Look at him as part of the bigger picture: can you imagine yourself still dating him in six months? A year? 10? No? I didn’t think so. Make your speech and move on.
So now let me hear from you ladies. Have you ever dated a player? Tell us the story in the comments below (and boy, I’m willing to bet there will be some good ones!).
While you can’t change a player, you can make the right man move a little faster toward committing to you. In my Make Him Commit Webinar, I teach you how to open his eyes to show him what a high-value woman you actually are.