If you’ve ever experienced signs of a bad relationship, I think you’ll agree: the stress you felt impacted every area of your life.
Work seems tougher because you were just a little off, thinking about the big argument you got in last night…
Your social life suffered because no one wanted to hang out with your miserable self…
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You ended up gaining weight because Ben and Jerry seemed to be the only men who understood you…
And if you’ve ever gotten out of a bad relationship, you’ll also agree that after a few months go by, you look back at that time thinking,
“Why the hell did I waste my time with that guy?”
I wanted to talk about the signs of a bad relationship in this video and article to speed up the process to help you realize if you’re in a bad relationship now…or if you’re single, to help you avoid a bad relationship in the future.
P.S. The best way to avoid needing to look up the signs of a bad relationship is to first understand more about how the male mind works. I designed the Male Mind Map to give you secrets that most men would kill me for revealing…but if it helps you find love, then I’m glad.
I get it. Sometimes you settle for less-than-perfect in a relationship because the alternative — getting back out into the big scary world of dating — is just overwhelming. You tell yourself no relationship is perfect…and yet you brush aside the fact that you are downright miserable.
I get it. I’ve talked before about a Good Enough Relationship, where you simply accept that, while things are far from perfect and you’re not entirely happy…it’s better than being alone. I’m not in any way endorsing this, because I completely believe you should never settle in your life. But in this article, we’re talking about a relationship that’s gone one step further into being downright negative or even toxic.
Absolutely no one deserves to be in a bad relationship.
And if you’re miserable, chances are, he is too. It’s time to start monitoring those signs of a bad relationship so that you can get out with minimal emotional damage.
1. You’re More Miserable Than When You Were Single
I know you’ve been telling yourself that being in a relationship — even a bad one — is better than being single…but is that actually true?
People moan and groan about how awful being single is, but I’m willing to bet you realized at least some benefit from it. You didn’t have to factor in someone’s gluten intolerance and hate of Thai food when planning where to go to eat. You didn’t have his dirty underwear on your floor. You could spend the entire weekend bingeing that Bravo Tv series he hates if you wanted to.
And now…you’re constantly fighting with your boyfriend about stupid things. You never see your friends. You’re pretty much unhappy all of the time.
So…remind me why being in this relationship is better than being single?
In reality, you probably fear being alone again. In a survey conducted by Everyday Health, researchers found that one-third of women are more afraid of being single than of having a cancer diagnosis! That’s just insane to me. Being single, especially if the alternative is to be in a bad relationship, is far from a death sentence.
If you’re already nodding your head, saying that you definitely see these signs of a bad relationship, deal with your feelings of being alone. I promise you: you’ll be better off without him.
2. You Feel More Alone Than You Did When You Were Single
Whether you feel alone now because your man has isolated you from your friends and family (BIG red flag) or you simply don’t feel like he’s around for you physically and emotionally, this is a major sign of a bad relationship, and one you shouldn’t ignore.
The point of being in a relationship is to have a partner you can rely on when things get rough…
When you want to celebrate a big win in your life…
Or you just want to curl up on the couch, not even talking.
And a healthy relationship is one where you still spend plenty of time with other people who matter to you. If your boyfriend has made it clear that you shall have no other friends than him, then understand that he has serious issues that have nothing to do with you. It’s time to set yourself free and get back to surrounding yourself with people who love you and care about your wellbeing.
3. You Constantly Misunderstand Each Other
While some bickering is okay or even healthy for your relationship, if you’re constantly fighting over misunderstandings, there’s a problem.
You: “Hey would you mind doing the grocery shopping tomorrow?”
Him: “OH! What are you saying? I NEVER do the shopping? That I’m lazy??”
When things are strained in your relationship, you both may tend to read things into what one another say that aren’t really there.
Sue Kolod, Ph.D., a psychoanalyst in New York City, says: “As couples get to know each other better, there should be a progression toward more understanding and less misunderstanding.”
When you’re constantly misinterpreting what the other person is saying, your relationship can’t grow in the right direction.
I’ve found that in any good relationship I’ve been in, the more I’ve gotten to know my partner, the easier it is to get past whatever issues come up. For example: if she brings up the fact that I haven’t done the laundry in weeks, while that may be true, I may realize that she’s lashing out because she’s been stressed at work. We can sit down and talk about that situation…right after I start a load of laundry.
4. You’re Always Walking on Egg Shells
You can’t talk about anything without worrying that he’ll blow up or it’ll start a fight. You’re to the point that you just come home from work, swig a bottle of wine, and try to get into bed before he gets home.
Is this really how you want to live for the foreseeable future? I didn’t think so.
5. Your Partner Implies He Only Values You For One Thing
Whether it be sex, your looks, or your ability to earn money, this guy has made it clear that he’s not emotionally invested in you. Why the hell are you wasting time on him? If you’re in a casual relationship, that’s one thing, but if you’re hoping this guy is The One, I hate to break it to you…he’s not.
You should value yourself for all the things that make you amazing. That might be how great you are in bed, your looks, and your financial security...in addition to your empathy, the fact that you love animals, and that you’re funny as hell. Any guy who doesn’t see that isn’t worth your time.
6. You’re Not a Good Influence on Each Other
Maybe he drinks a lot…and that’s got you drinking more than you used to.
Maybe you love junk food…and now he’s packing on the pounds as he shares your bad habit.
Whatever the negative behaviors, you’re bringing out the worst in each other…when you should be bringing out the best.
If the sum of your parts makes you worse than the whole, you are not in the right relationship.
7. You Catch Your Partner Lying Repeatedly
I think lying is truly the worst thing you can have in a relationship. If you find that you’re with someone who cannot just be honest with you, and who will lie even about the smallest thing…this is one of the biggest signs of a bad relationship.
Be aware of this, too, in your own actions.
I recently read the book Lying by Sam Harris, and I realized how totally toxic lying is in our lives. I was never a big liar, but once I became aware of the little white lies (responding to “do I look good in this shirt?”), you start to realize the importance of living by a code of honesty.
8. You Feel Trapped in the Relationship
I feel like this should go without saying: you shouldn’t feel trapped in a relationship. You should want to be in the relationship. If you don’t want to be in it, you should leave.
If you feel trapped in your relationship for logistical reasons, like you can’t afford to move out, or you’d have to relocate entirely, I encourage you to start putting together a plan. Set aside even a little money so that you can become free of this toxic relationship.
9. Your Partner Thinks That You’re Lucky to Have Him, But Not the Reverse
He may feel like he has more value than you do, or at least he acts this way. In truth, he’s probably very insecure and is doing his best to make you feel like no one else would want you. That way, you never leave him.
Don’t fall for this. You are a high-value woman and a man who really believed that would express his gratitude for finding someone so amazing every day.
10. Your Partner Threatens You
He might threaten to tell your family a big secret. Or refuse to let you leave (indicating he might inflict physical harm if you try). He might threaten to take your kids away.
Realize that this kind of coercive behavior usually indicates emotional abuse. You need to get out of this relationship immediately…but do so smartly. Ask for the help of friends or family…or even the police.
11. You or Your Partner Can’t Talk About Important Relationship Topics
Whenever a major topic comes up, such as when you’ll move in together or get married, one or both of you change the subject.
Back when I used to do a lot of one-on-one dating coaching, I’d have clients who would talk to their boyfriends about these major life topics…and the men would disappear for days. No text, no call, no nothing.
If this happens to you, realize that this is one of the signs of a bad relationship. If this is happening now, how will he handle talking about having kids or other topics if you were to marry him down the road?
12. There’s No Respect in the Relationship
He might call you names. You might roll your eyes whenever he talks. Whatever the action, it’s clear you don’t respect one another. So why are you in a relationship with someone you don’t respect?
13. There is Relationship Violence
If he ever lays a hand on you or touches you aggressively…I can’t imagine how hard it would be, being in a relationship where you are physically threatened.
Men have the advantage because they are usually physically more capable of hurting a woman (though they don’t have to be larger or stronger to do so, nor are men the only abusers), so it’s scary to worry about your physical wellbeing. I urge you to get help if he even threatens violence.
Conclusion: If You’re Seeing Signs of a Bad Relationship…
Now that you’ve reviewed the signs of a bad relationship, I hope you can walk away realizing you’re not in one. But if you are, I really need you to acknowledge it and do what’s right for your health and wellbeing.
You deserve a happy and healthy relationship. If you’re not in one, it’s no reflection on you; this guy just isn’t compatible with you. Let it go and move on. You have to know that you will find the right guy. But you’ve got to trust your gut when those signs of a bad relationship pop up so you can keep moving forward.
Comment below: have you ever been in a bad relationship? At what point did you realize it?
In Part 2 of this article, I’ll help you find a GREAT guy that will show you that this bad relationship was sooo not right for you. But to get access to this exclusive content, you have to sign up to be a Sexy Confidence member first.
In Part 1, we looked at signs of a bad relationship. So I’m going to assume you ditched the toxic guy and are now ready to find love. I’ve got a few tips for you.
1. Be Open to Opportunity
Don’t roll your eyes! You never ever know where you’ll meet a guy. I have had coaching clients who met at a coffee shop…
At a party…
Even at the grocery store. So always be open to the possibility that today might be the day you meet Mr. Right.
2. Be Ready to Commit to the Process
I don’t want to hear you complain about there being “no good men out there” if you work from home, spend all your time with married friends, and prefer to binge Netflix than get out into the world of possibilities.
Finding the right guy can take some work…are you ready to put in the effort?
Sign up for singles groups on Meetup.com. Join a dating site. Ask friends if they have any single guy friends. Put the effort in and you’ll get results out.
3. Flirt with Men
If you’ve been out of the game a while, you will hate this assignment, but trust me: it will pay off. Practice your flirting skills whenever the opportunity arises. Wink at the barista who gives you a free shot of whipped cream. Smile at a stranger on the street. Flirting doesn’t have to be hair-twirling, eyelash-batting. Your goal here is to build confidence in being around men.
Coaching Assignment: Make a list of at least three opportunities you could find this week to interact with men more and practice your flirting!