When you’re thinking about texts to send your ex-boyfriend, you want to avoid the mistakes that most people make. Most people end up freaking out their exes simply because their hearts haven’t healed and they’re allowing emotion to get in the way.
We want to avoid that, don’t we?
It’s my goal in this video and this article to ensure that you don’t end up looking like a fool by sending an over-the-top emotionally charged text to your ex.
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But at the same time, I know the compulsion to text your ex-boyfriend is strong, so I’m going to share three types of texts it’s absolutely okay to send to your ex…once you’ve gone through the healing process.
P.S. Sending these texts is just the first part of winning him back. Get even more sample texts as well as highly-effective strategies for getting back together with your ex at WinningHimBack.com.
You and your fella broke up a few days ago, and your heart hurts. You can’t imagine life without him. You don’t want to. So your first inclination is to run back and tell him how much you’re hurting and that you miss him.
I’m going to ask that you go against your (irrational) instinct here and take my advice instead.
Now, let’s go back to me saying that it’s better to not send a text to your ex than to look desperate.
I know you want this guy back.
Maybe he knows it too.
But under no circumstances should you text him how much you miss him…at least not yet.
And before you try out even one of these three types of texts, I really really want you to follow the No Contact Rule: that means you don’t interact with your ex for three weeks.
Adam! How am I supposed to win this guy back if I give him time to forget me??
You’re going to have to trust me on this, Sexy Lady. I’ve seen this movie a few hundred times, and I can categorically say that having a break after a breakup is the absolute best thing you can do…whether you get back together with him or not.
So read this article, then wait 21 days before you send those texts to your ex.
And during that three weeks? Get on with your life. Work on healing. Figure out what you really and truly want in a relationship. It might turn out that, with a bit of time and space, you don’t even want him back after all. So use this time to figure it all out.
Once you do, and if you still want him back, here are some texts to send your ex-boyfriend that are Sexy Confidence approved…that won’t make you look desperate.
1. Reminiscing Texts to Send Your Ex-Boyfriend
One way to make your ex miss you is to remind him of the happy times you’ve had together in the past. After all, things were good while you were together, despite whatever happened to end the relationship. So focus on happy reminders of the past:
I finally got around to visiting that brewery that was on our Must Do list. You’d love their Belgian Tripel.
There are several moments you might want to remind him of in your relationship, including:
- When you met
- A special place you enjoyed together
- An event you attended together
- A vacation you took
- Something you never got to do together but wanted to (like the example above)
Ideally, this text will put him in a good mood and get the dialogue going. If you haven’t talked to each other in three weeks or more, you might shoot the shit about that memory for a while, then the conversation might go something like this:
Him: Those were good times…how are you?
You: I’m doing okay, I guess…
You see how you leave your reply a little up for interpretation. You didn’t say I’m doing freaking fantastic! so he might think, hm, maybe she’s missing me like I’m missing her.
Where you take that conversation from here is up to you. Just avoid laying all your cards on the table (I miss you so goddamn much!) until you’re sure he feels the same.
2. “I’m Doing Fantastic” Texts to Send Your Ex-Boyfriend
Another strategy a bit different from the one above when texting your ex to make him miss you is to show him that you have a thriving social life. You’re getting out there, hanging with friends, being social. And you want him to know without being blatant about it.
So this text serves two purposes: it lets him know you’re not sitting around pining for him…but it also gives you the opportunity to connect with him after not talking for a while. Send a text like this:
What was the name of that dance club you told me about? I’m planning an outing for a group of friends.
You’re not inviting him along. You’re asking for a piece of information…and hopefully, this text opens the door for a longer text conversation. If he’s curious about your outing and asks if he can come, consider it…or suggest you meet for coffee to chat instead. The good thing is that he wants to see you, but tagging along with a large group of friends (particularly if they know you’re broken up) might not be the best reunion channel.
Here’s what the followup to that text might be:
Him: Oh, you mean Nightshades? Man, I haven’t been there since we went last spring.
See how he’s pulling a Reminder Text on you? This is a great sign because now he’s the one reminding you of the good times that you had together.
One note on the “I’m Doing Fantastic” texts: don’t lie or try to contrive some excuse to text him. Really be going out with friends. Otherwise, you might get caught in a web of lies, which would be…awkward!
3. Advice-Asking Texts to Send Your Ex-Boyfriend
Here’s the final type of text to send (though I offer 29 texts to send your ex-boyfriend at WinningHimBack.com, so be sure and check that out), and it plays off of the male need to be useful.
(It’s true: we do like to solve problems. Dr. Lisa Neff, a researcher at the University of Texas’ Austin Marriage Project, found that men feel competent and reduce their stress when they are helping solve a problem. So whereas you as a woman might just want a partner to lend a sympathetic ear, a man will feel like he has to help you solve whatever problem you have with advice.)
So come up with something that your ex can answer intelligently. You’ll play to his ego and get a conversation started. For example:
Hi! I need your expert opinion on solar. If you could invest in it again, would you? Trying to decide if it’s worth it…
Immediately he’s feeling pretty good after reading your text because clearly you think he’s an expert at something and you value his opinion. But again: this won’t work if you just dream up something to ask him about that you really don’t care about. Imagine getting caught in that lie months later:
Him: So hey, what did you ever decide about solar? Did you invest?
You: Solar whaa? What are you talking about?
Him: A few months back, you asked what I thought about solar…
You: Er…I did??
If you notice the common thread here with each of these texts to send your ex-boyfriend, you’ll see that none of them have to do with your relationship (the reminiscing texts do to some degree, but not completely). They all show that you’re moving on (even if secretly you want him back) and that you’re doing okay.
Nothing is sexier than a woman who can stand on her own without a man. The irony is that he’ll want you back because you’re doing so well and are so independent post-relationship.
But be careful here, because how you handle things after these initial texts will determine the likelihood of a reunion. Even as the conversation opens up, hold back your misery and heartache. Yes, you miss him, and it’s okay to say that after you’ve been talking for a few days, but you might not want to let him know that you’ve been blubbering like a baby on the bathroom floor for weeks (especially if it turns out he’s dating someone).
Maybe skip that factoid.
Because you’ve had those three weeks, you’ve been able to reflect on what went wrong in the relationship, as well as what your role was. I assume that if you want to get back together, you’re not pointing the finger too much at him, but there are always two people responsible for a breakup, so be able to list your own mistakes as well as his diplomatically. Your best hope for getting back together is to have a frank discussion about the relationship, including how you can avoid making the same mistakes.
The key to making things work the second time around is to do things differently. So be open to dialogue about:
- What went wrong
- What mistakes each of you was responsible for (without blame or anger)
- What you want in the future
- How you can avoid issues
- How you can open up communication so things don’t derail in the same way
Don’t expect that getting back together will happen with a few texts. It needs to be an ongoing dialogue over days or weeks. And take things slowly: just because you were with this guy for months or even years in the past doesn’t mean you shouldn’t start at Square One and begin anew by dating. Get to know each other all over again. Maybe in the time you’ve been apart, you’ve changed, so it will take time to get to know one another again. And that’s a good thing!
Do you have tips on texts to send your ex-boyfriend that have worked for you? Please share them in the comments below.
And if you want all 29 texts to send your ex, as well a roadmap to winning him back, go to WinningHimBack.com for an amazing offer.