If it’s been a while since you last dated, you might feel like a fish out of water trying to figure out what guys like. What worked when you were 20 doesn’t feel right anymore, nor are you willing to pretend to be a dumb blonde so a man will like you.
So…what DO guys like at this age?
The key is owning where you are in your life right now and using that to attract a man. But…given that I’m a man, I may have a little more insight into what guys like than you feel like you do, and I am happy to share what I know with you.
What Guys Like at This Age
If you’re no longer a young girl who is insecure and acts the way she thinks a man wants her to, then the guys you date should also no longer be immature 20-year-olds (unless you’re into that). The men you date should appreciate a self-confident woman who knows who she is.
So here is what a mature man wants to hear from a sexy, confident woman like you.
1. “I Like You.”
No one likes playing games at this point in life, and you shouldn’t either. Instead, be bold and honest about your feelings. You’ll get a lot further in dating if you open up about how you feel and what you’re looking for.
And if he’s not looking for the same, at least you can find out early on rather than building up feelings for him, only to find out that he’s really not looking for a relationship right now.
Now, I get that making yourself vulnerable might be difficult for you. We all have relationship baggage of one kind or another, and you might find it challenging to talk about how you feel. But if you’re serious about finding love again (or for the first time), then I encourage you to push yourself out of your comfort zone and open up.
2. “Sorry, I’m Busy Tomorrow.”
Telling the man you’re interested in that you’re busy shows you’re not waiting around for him. You have a life.
But don’t just pretend to have plans if he asks you out. Actually have them. Most men are attracted to women who are independent because they have full lives and aren’t looking for a man to fill some void. On the other hand, a woman who ditches her friends to hang out with a guy, or who is always available, is one that may end up being clingy or needy, and that’s not attractive.
What guys like is a woman they’ve got to work just a little bit harder to be with and to get on her calendar.
3. “Can I Pay?”
There’s no rule when it comes to who pays for a date. Even in modern times, 80% of people think the guy should pay on a first date, but that doesn’t mean you have to let him.
I don’t know a man who wouldn’t be pleased to have a woman ask if she can pay for the date or at least contribute. He might not let her (some guys just want to pay), but he’ll like that she offered.
If you ask him out, you can insist that it’s your treat. Or, at the very least, you can cover the tip or buy dessert.
Offering to pay shows that you’re looking for equal footing in a relationship, not that you want a man who will wine and dine you without you ever returning the favor.
4. “Tell Me More.”
Having someone take interest in what they’re saying isn’t just what guys like; all people like it. But if you’re trying to show a man that you’re into him, one of the best ways to do it is to really listen to him.
It’s easy to do on a first date. After all, your stomach is full of butterflies and you just keep thinking about how perfect this guy is for you. But it gets harder to be an active listener the longer you’ve been dating. Still, it’s important to continue to listen, respond, and ask questions about the man you’re into.
Harry Weger, Jr., Ph.D. published an article called “The relative effectiveness of active listening in initial interactions” in the International Journal of Listening, and he says:
“Feeling understood by another person is a very basic part of feeling accepted and valued as a person and it’s a building block for relationships of all kinds.”
So if there’s any potential for this to turn into something long-term, you need to engage with this man by caring (genuinely) about what he has to say.
5. “You Turn Me On.”
Another area that it’s important to be a good communicator in is the bedroom. You might feel like this guy lights you up from head to toe when he does that one thing to you…but does he know how much he satisfies you?
You might think that your moans and screams are a good indicator that he’s hitting the mark during sex, but not all men can tell when a woman orgasms or is otherwise pleased. Also, some women fake it, so a man can never really be sure.
So don’t be stingy with the compliments. Let him know when he does a good job.
And let him know what turns you on. That could be anything from that cologne that he sometimes wears to when he touches the small of your back. Letting him know what you like means that he’ll do more of it!
6. “I Don’t Need a Man.”
So you don’t need to say this outright in case it comes off as a bit tough, but you do want to communicate that you’re independent. You don’t need him…but you want him in your world.
If this one isn’t resonating with you yet, let’s dive into that. Do you feel like you need a man to be happy or successful in life? I know that’s not true. You have thrived on your own, even if it’s just been a short while. You can change lightbulbs and kill spiders without the help of a man. You can be happy without one.
And you need to be happy on your own. Because no man will be able to make you happy 100%. Yes, he can bring happiness to your world, but if you’re already fulfilled with your friends and your life, then he can only add to that magic.
In other words: set up your life so that you’re happy as things are before a man enters it. Then when the right guy does come along, you’re not trying to fill a void with him (trust me: that never works out).
What guys like is to see that you are self-sufficient and not needy. He’ll want to be a part of your world even more in that case.
7. “I Miss You.”
This is another one of those being vulnerable moments.
If you haven’t spent time with this man in a while, you might be tempted to let him think you’re going on other dates or are just super busy and don’t have time to think of him. But what reaction are you hoping to get from that attitude? Jealousy, or worse, withdrawal. Would you want him to treat you that way?
What would happen if you opened up and told him you missed him? That you’d love to see him again soon? You’d make him happy. You’d make him scramble to make plans with you as soon as possible.
Which of these two scenarios is what you really want? Which do you think lays a better foundation for a future with this man?
8. “Let’s [Insert Activity Here.]”
Is he the one who usually makes plans for the two of you to do something? Maybe he loves doing the planning, but I’m willing to bet he’d be happy to discover that you’re not expecting him to always come up with a plan to go out.
Come up with some innovative ideas for a date. Think about what he’s told you and use that in your planning. Maybe he mentioned that he’s never gone kayaking but would love to try. Find a kayak rental company, check this weekend’s forecast, and make the suggestion.
Or maybe the last date you went on was in a noisy bar and next time, you’d like to go somewhere quieter where you can really get to know one another. You could suggest a private picnic in the park.
If you haven’t yet been intimate, but you’re ready, invite him over for dinner at your house (where it’s easy to transition to the bedroom).
Just show him that you don’t expect him to do all the creative date planning.
9. “I’m Game.”
You’re willing to try new things, so let him know. That might be having Ethiopian food for the first time, rock climbing at his gym, or going on a road trip together.
I’m not saying you need to turn into Ms. Spontaneous if you’re more of a planner, but you should be open to new experiences. What guys want is a woman who will at least try something once rather than being shut off to something she’s never experienced.
If this is making you uncomfortable, certainly don’t agree to try something you don’t want to do just to impress a man. But try taking baby steps. If you’ve never had sushi, you don’t have to go straight to raw fish. Try vegetarian maki and see how it tastes. You might surprise yourself and actually like it!
Above all, what guys want is for you to be who you are. If you’re not adventurous, or offering to pay isn’t your style, don’t do it. But find the confidence to be authentic because the right man will love absolutely everything about you.
If you’re starting a relationship or just dating someone, you lay the foundation for a solid future if you are genuine in your actions. Don’t be afraid of scaring him off: if you do, he wasn’t right for you anyway.
Have faith that there is the perfect man out there for you. YOU will drive him wild…simply by being yourself!
Share in the comments below: what else have you found that drives men wild?
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