You waited until you’d dated a guy for several weeks before sleeping together. Though you were hot for him and curious about what getting in the sack would be like, you made a conscious effort to get to know him and trust him first.
So…that’s good, right??
Except…after you slept together for the first time, he grew distant. Maybe he started taking longer to reply to your texts…or ghosted altogether.
WTF? Why do men lose interest after sex? What did you do wrong?
If you’re like most women, you will never know why this happened or how to prevent it from happening again. You might be hurt and start to build a giant wall around your heart, brick by brick. You must protect yourself.
But you aren’t going to be that woman. I won’t let you.In this video, I am going to lay it all out there for you so that you understand why this happens. I’ll reveal the secrets that men won’t tell you about why they lose interest after sex.
Men can be funny creatures, can’t they?
We can sit around and argue about football statistics for hours…
We can focus intently on a video game for weeks, only coming up to eat and shower…well, eat, anyway.
We can change a tire in 10 minutes, yet it takes us a century to get our laundry done…
Like dogs, we’re easily distracted [SQUIRREL!].
And when it comes to love and sex, sometimes we don’t know exactly why we do what we do. Especially sex. There’s this thing called the reptilian brain that essentially seeks out sex and pleasure without regard to the consequences.
That doesn’t justify men losing interest in you. I’m just saying there’s a scientific component to this situation. Let’s dive in and learn more.
You bud,
Adam
PS: If a man is attracted to you emotionally, then he will NEVER lose interest after you sleep together. Click here to learn how to make a man invest his heart in you by following the Emotional Attraction Formula.
Summary –
Stop wracking your brain as to what you did to make this guy pull away after you gave it up. It’s not you. It’s him.
Seriously.
I’m not just saying that. Remember me talking about that reptilian brain? Sometimes it guides him in his interactions with you, whereas you’re acting from your heart pretty much all the time. There’s a reason they say men are from Mars…they simply process things — including sex — differently than women do.
The best you can do is understand some of the reasons they back off after having sex with you, and figure out how best to respond.
1. All He Wanted Was Sex…and Nothing More
At a certain time in some guys’ lives, sex is all they want and they will do anything to get it.
That might happen in their 20s…
Or 30s…
Or 50s. Sorry ladies. There’s no precise window of time I can inform you of. It’s different for every guy, and this isn’t even the case for every guy.
Guys who let that reptilian brain lead will work hard to win your heart, schmooze you, and get you to open up to them.
Once they’ve gotten what they wanted (sex), the game is over. The thrill of the chase is gone.
It may hurt. You might want to scream and stomp your feet, but you can’t take it personally. It’s just the reality of life sometimes.
For some men, sex boosts their self esteem. I mean, what could give a man more of an ego boost than a scantily-clad woman who wants to get frisky with him?
But get this: it’s not your job to boost his self esteem. And likely, he won’t keep that confidence high with having just you as a partner. The kind of guy we call a player is one who becomes practically addicted to conquering his “sexual prey” in order to keep that self esteem high. That means multiple partners for him, and lots of heartbreak for you.
And still others guys have sex to feel they have control over others. If there’s nothing substantial in your relationship with this man beyond what happens in the bedroom (and he gladly takes control there), this might be the case.
All that being said, what can you do about the guy who only wants sex from you? Look for the signs before jumping in bed with a new paramour.
If he only texts late at night or gives no effort to make plans that involve being outside of his home, take note of that. If his perverted jokes tip the balance beyond what you’re comfortable with, ask yourself why sexual innuendoes are his go-to sense of humor.
If he encourages you to drink more than you normally would on a date, push back. Drink slowly, drink lots of water, and don’t leave your drink unattended (better safe than sorry).
If everything adds up to it seeming like this guy isn’t all that interested in you with your clothes on, move on. You won’t change his mind once you’ve slept with him, and you’ll likely regret taking it that far if you’re looking for Mr. Right.
2. Lust Gave Him Blinders
Maybe this guy had every intention of becoming your boyfriend. He thought he was falling for you in the early days…then you had sex.
Now he’s internally freaking out because he realizes he barely knows you. Or that you have nothing in common.
That was great Jen…uh, Jamie…uh, Jessica?
Sometimes we can be blinded by lust and think we know people better than we really do early on. There’s a sort of glamor shot haze that we see people through (aka rose colored glasses), but as we get to know them, we might realize we have nothing in common.
So while it might seem like he might pull away after intimacy, it may be that he’s seeing (before you) that this has no future.
It’s easy to get really excited about this incredible physical chemistry between the two of you. The buildup to the first time you have sex can be mind-blowing (sometimes more than the sex; see #3).
But once the dust clears, he (and you) may realize that you really don’t know each other all that well, and maybe having sex too soon stunted the potential to grow together. Or else you realize that you aren’t all that aligned and that a relationship ain’t gonna happen.
In this case, my best advice to you is to take things slow from the start. Yes, you may be hungry like a wolf for him, but waiting will only make it that much sweeter when you do have sex. If you take the time to get to know each other first, you’ll be assured that being intimate will only enhance what you’ve got.
And, of course, you won’t have slept with a guy who bolted right after.
3. The Sexual Chemistry Just Isn’t There
That buildup I was just talking about had you so sure the sex would be toe-tingling and hair-raising.
Only…it wasn’t.
Like in a rom-com, you were left staring at the ceiling, wondering what went wrong.
Maybe he just wasn’t into it.
Maybe he likes one thing, you like something else, and you weren’t comfortable enough to have a conversation about it.
Maybe he finished quickly…but left you still wanting more.
Each of these scenarios happens all the time, and they’re perfectly natural. Not everyone is sexually compatible. Take this as a sign that a relationship probably won’t be any easier.
Now, all this being said, it can be hard to judge sexual compatibility after just one session. One or both of you might be nervous. You don’t yet know how to express what turns you on, nor does he. It takes a while to get into the groove of another person’s body, wants, and needs, so give it another chance if you’re the one ready to throw in the towel.
If he seems uninterested in trying again, open up the dialogue to get him curious about how much better the next time will be.
Did you like it when I did [insert sexy move here] last night?
Is there something else you’d like to try?
I got really turned on when you [insert sexy move here].
It could be fun to try [insert sexy move here].
Guys like women who take initiative and who express confidence sexually, so make sure you frame the conversation positively and with suggestions rather than negatively or critically (“I almost got off until you finished, rolled over, and went to sleep!”)
It’s always worth the effort to try again. But be honest if you agree that the chemistry wasn’t there, and you don’t think that will change. Better to cut your losses and move on than to waste time on the wrong guy.
4. He’s Scared That You’re Getting too Emotionally Involved
Sandy liked Brian, but wasn’t head over heels with him…until they slept together.
Now he’s on her mind all the time, and she’s frustrated because he’s responding to her texts less and less frequently.
It’s not Sandy’s — or your — fault that sex and orgasms release oxytocin, which is known as the love hormone. It’s simple scientific fact.
So, you might feel more attached to a guy after sleeping with him. It’s normal, lady.
But for a man, especially if he thinks there’s just something casual happening between you two, he may get a little freaked out when he sees that you’re making googly eyes at him post-coitus.
You might be giving off signs that you want more than just a bootie call. You might ask what his weekend plans are, fully hoping that he’ll include you in them. You might talk about a concert happening three months from now, making it clear that you assume you’ll still be together.
If your behavior is making him pull away, you’ll soon know. He may lose interest, especially if he’s not really interested in that level of emotional connection right now.
If you really aren’t getting emotionally attached, communicate that. Tell him you like things being casual like they are. Or if you are ready to take things to the next level, go ahead and put it out there so that everything’s on the table.
Again, better to mark him off the list if he’s not in the same headspace as you than to waste time on him.
5. Not All Relationships are Meant to Last
If you think about it, many — if not most — relationships you have in your life are just meant to last a very short period of time.
There are, in fact, stages of a relationship:
- Initial attraction
- Honeymoon period and peak sexual attraction
- Post-honeymoon with connection and chemistry
- Comfort and stability with some reduction in sexual desire
- Possible conflict
- Resolution by breaking up or getting past the conflict
Just because there are six steps here doesn’t mean they can’t all happen in a matter of weeks! Some relationships fizzle out quickly, and honestly, those are better because you quickly figure out he’s not the right guy and can move on.
You may really, really hope that this guy is The One, but no amount of wishing will make that the case if he’s not supposed to be. In fact, the simple term “The One” indicates that…wait for it…there’s just one guy for you!
So expecting a new fling to turn into a long and fulfilling relationship? Well, the chances are slim. A million little factors need to line up. In order for a relationship to last, you need to survive so many levels of compatibility: sexual compatibility, intellectual compatibility, values, interests.
So many things need to click for two people to really have something for the long haul.
And many times when two people have sex for the first time, that’s a moment of clarity in the relationship. A lot of times men will just back off because having sex somehow opens their eyes to understanding that this is not what they want.
Don’t take it as an indication that you were bad in bed. Take it to mean that he got the message first that you two are not meant to be. He can’t be wrong; it only takes one person to decide that a couple isn’t going to work out; you can accept it and move on, or get angry and try to force him to love you.
Guess which will net better results.
You have to find a needle in the haystack. Nearly literally. Dating is all about getting to know more people so that you figure out what you want in a guy and then find him when the time is right and the stars align.
But don’t let him be the only one to determine whether this relationship has potential. Consider how things are outside of the bedroom. Do you enjoy spending time with him? Do you look forward to seeing him? Do you miss him when you’re not with him?
If the answer to these questions is no, you might be trying to force a relationship where there is none. Even if the sex is fantastic, that’s not going to sustain you.
Want more for yourself. A happy and healthy relationship has both amazing sex and wonderful quality time. The right partner is one you’re eager to have conversations about anything at all with, and one you’re just as happy curling up next to on the couch with as much as going out for dinner and a movie.
So don’t let sex dominate your view of this relationship (or…not-relationship, as it were).
Conclusion:
Know this: your sexual power over men is incredibly potent. Men will climb over mountains for sex sometimes.
As someone famous once said (though no one’s sure who first said it; Spiderman’s uncle? Voltaire?):
With power comes great responsibility.
If you’re only using that sexual power to lure him in, don’t be surprised that once that power disappears, he does too.
Sex can be a healthy component of a balanced relationship, but it should never be used as a tool.
Men know the power that women yield over them. It’s probably why they pull into their turtle shells at the first sign of affection from women.
Know what you want from a relationship, and from sex, my Confident Lady. Don’t be afraid to express your needs, or to cut bait when necessary. You’re better off ending it with a guy you know will never want more than a romp in the hay if you’re on your path to love.
Want to know more about attracting the right guy? Get free access to the 7 Emotional Attraction Principles.
Jae says
October 27, 2016 at 4:27 pmI’ve never had this problem, but probably because I either really wait until sex or all I wanted from him was sex.
Sex should be a confirmation of the status of the relationship, not the temperature gauge of it. But that’s just my opinion.
Banteh says
October 28, 2016 at 4:55 amThanks a lot it is really transforming my emotions gradually for men but all men says I’m beautiful and they come to me but I really don’t listen to them because I think they are only interested in sex.
Holly says
October 28, 2016 at 6:40 amThis has happened to me many times! The biggest reason would be that the chemistry just isn’t there…in bed. We can talk for hours, but once we cross over to the bedroom nothing is in sync and I feel like I’m having sex with an awkward 15 year old. Ugh!! I don’t begin to believe it’s any more enjoyable for him, either, though.
Mindy says
May 18, 2018 at 3:13 pmI have been having the same experience myself. My friend wants sexual things I just am not into doing with any man. He is a voyeur, likes to watch. I want penetration, but we both get frustrated and it ends ugly. So, I texted him and told him I couldn’t please hos needs and I’m moving on.
md says
February 10, 2017 at 6:18 pmWhat about the guy who meets you, and actually maybe starts to fall for you, but like some things, were unexpected and neither party looking; maybe pulls back to make sure we are both prepared to move forward after sex?
Absolutely solid says
July 16, 2017 at 10:22 amReasons I’ll lose interest:
1. You clearly did not shower.
2. Your va-jeen is not clean.
3. Don’t bite me, not all men like to get bitten.
Misguidedwaves says
December 1, 2017 at 4:41 pmYeah I think I’ll just stay single for life. Had one too many bad encounters with men and relationships in general. As bisexual woman, yes I know women can be just as bad. But from my personal experiences, this is just more common in males for some reason. I’m through exchanging my DNA and dealing with soultie sex with the wrong people. Regardless I’m just done dating people. Too many lustful selfish sex addicts out here just looking for their quick sex fix.
Mindy says
May 18, 2018 at 3:20 pmYou ain’t never lied. I’m feeling that way myself. I’m not gonna continue compromising my values just to be with someone. I don’t have to settle for less than the best, and neither should you. At almost 62 yrs old, I have a killer shape, nice looking, dresses nice, and I’m highly educated as a woman. I’m loving and very kind, generous to a fault. One day a goid man will come our way, and we’ll just know he’s the one we’ve been looking for. Don’t shut down, or build a wall. I’m certainly not. My late husband always told me, you ain’t met the man you’re gonna spend the rest of your life with. Good advice for you toi.
blogster says
October 30, 2018 at 2:12 amMore common in males? LOL.
Lily says
December 21, 2017 at 6:36 amFirst time I’ve ever experienced this and it really hurt. He claimed he was falling for me. Called daily, we had teething issues due to his daughter and the mum but when we were together it was amazing.
We clicked. Finishing each others sentences everything. Completely comfortable. After the first time we slept together we both just wanted more. The calls continued and we were good. But u noticed after a wedding he went to without me shortly after the second time we slept together he started acting really odd talking about not wanting to do a big ceremony. When I confronted his commitment issues and the perceived pressure not coming from me. He ghosted.
I was devastated. He made contact with me but I got annoyed and basically didn’t question him, just sent him away.
Which I’m regretting.
May says
December 21, 2018 at 10:10 amHi! What are you regretting? That you sent him away? or you wasted your time with him?
Kali says
January 8, 2018 at 3:44 pmI am a 42 year old woman 8 months out of an 18 year relationship. I have two small children. I find I want very contradictory things right now. I want a lover who is consistent, I can hang out with occasionally, hike, dinner, sex, etc… I lacked intimacy in my relationship for so long that I crave sex tremendously.
So Ive been going for it. Ive had 3 sexual partners since separating, 2 of which were one night stands. I do feel hurt that these men dont seem to want to continue the fun. I definitely find myself chasing them. One of them I fell quite hard for and he completely disappeared after a month.
I dont want a relationship but kinda too I guess. I am confused but dont want to chase anymore. I am sexy, confident, intelligent, successful and yet not being chased. What is the deal?
Delores says
January 17, 2019 at 10:06 pmWhat you should stop doing is the chasing, and definitely do NOT just go for the “sex.” I feel for you that you can’t find “Mr. Right” any more than I can either. Yes, I, too, want the right man for me, and I’m widowed, so, what’s difficult for me is that my husband and I shared 31 yrs of marriage together, and he wanted to renew vows on our 35th, but never made it that long. He died of acute leukemia. A deep connection is so much more than a “physical,” and trust my words, I definitely know what forms deep soul-mate connection from the experience of an amazing bond with my late husband.
All of what I state in this message does not mean that I cannot ever start a new life adventure with someone seeking exactly the same. But, what it does mean is that I crave a lasting one, no phony one-night stands that cause only pain and heartache and produce nothing true and real. Personally, I’m sticking with sound morals. If I settle for less, will that chase away any possible lasting, sincere prospects, and all I’ll end up with are more cheating, lying one-night stands?
Miz says
June 1, 2019 at 8:34 amSo true one bed occasions I feel so go against you finding the right one deep down barriers go up
Michael Schnitzer says
February 15, 2019 at 2:55 pmKali, did you tell the 2 guys you had a one night stand with that you did not want to have a relationship with them? The 2 guys you had one night stands with could of thought that you where craving sex or desperate and that you only wanted to have fun/play with and the fun for them ran out! I will not say do not pursue guys, just do not be desperate! Either try masturbating as you find a man to have an emotional connection with then screw his brains out or do what I do when I get horny (but I am a man) and that is to channel/spread your horniness/estrogen energy throughout your entire body.
favour says
May 29, 2018 at 12:43 pmI really do love me nd he always says he never regret meeting me but i just cant get y will suddenly start ignoring me am confused
Upwealthy says
June 22, 2018 at 2:18 amThis is really important. Thanks for sharing.
DatingDan says
July 22, 2018 at 10:29 amAs a male I can say this post breaks it down really well. For some reason the thrill of finding someone new is as exciting as anyone, a girl can do everything right and make you very happy but for some reason we still might lose interest.
Seth Farlane says
September 5, 2018 at 3:48 ammy husband left me and our 3 kids for another woman and I want him back. I Love him with all of my heart and I will do anything to get him back, i was so frustrated and i could not know what next to do again, I cry all day and night for God to send me a helper to get back my man. I became very worried and needed help. as i was browsing through the internet one day, I came across a website that suggested that [https://sexyconfidence.com/get-your-ex-back/] can help get ex back fast and stop a divorce or breakup and so on. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and told him my problems and he told me what to do and after 28 hours later, my husband came to me, Ever since then, I and my family are living together happily again.
Rosalia says
October 29, 2018 at 3:08 amMy ex boyfriend and I split up almost 3 years ago after being in a relationship for 14 years. We went through a lot of ups and downs but we always managed to pull it together through it all. Unfortunately he just couldn’t keep his zipper up so after many years of heart break and lots of lying I guess we both reached the point of no return.
Escort Brussels says
December 13, 2018 at 1:08 pmIf a guy just takes you for your looks or your body it’s certainly not BF material. Make your conclusion and just go on with your life. It’s a lesson. Learn from it and go one!
Grace says
February 28, 2019 at 7:56 amI met this guy online and he was here in my country for only 3 days.He said he wanted casual..when i told him I’m looking for serious he ask me why not meet face to face..and see what happens..We met on the first nite and was mutually attracted to each other in all aspects..I’ve been protecting myself for 14 years of celibacy after officially divorced 3 years back..all my values and principles just caved into this man that nite ..as though he casted a spell on me..i was so drawn into him and fell for him…we spent the nite together and the following nite…the 3rd nite he has to leave for his country..we parted and i was crying profusely..he did confess he is sincere and his true feelings for me..we had great bonding physically and emotionally.However once back to his own country..he was a changed person..i sent him tons and tons of passionate messages telling him how i love those moments spent with him..he just said my messages are unreasonable! We are 11000 km apart and my passionate correspondence is unrealistic and no future due to the distance.He suggested keep those loving memories in our hearts as a 3 day fairy tale…i tried to explain we can work out the distance issues…he is fixated that we won’t grow due to distance. Does that mean he actually was only for sex afterall and no intention for a relationship using distance as an excuse? He did say if he wanted sex he won’t want to see me on the 3rd nite with our final farewell dinner and last bonding…i truly love him but seems like he is not interested..i felt guilty and painful and hated myself for being so gullible and vulnerable as i crave for love and connection since 14 years ago!! He is my second date since my ex!! Should i just move on?
Missy says
March 11, 2019 at 8:46 am@Grace please do yourself a favor and move on. From my experience, most men are not good with long-distance relationships because they need to see you in person to form that Bond. This man caught you at a time when you were emotionally vulnerable and that is why you were able to open up to him so quickly. I would use this time to work on myself and treasure that magical moment that you shared together.
katherine lora says
April 1, 2019 at 4:18 amSuch an amazing article. Few men only talk or come close or show care because that just want sex. Could you please share your thoughts about how to keep a guy interested after sleeping with him?
Becca says
April 13, 2019 at 7:09 pmI met this guy we started pretty well his from a different country so we have been talking for a while in the beginning it felt all sexual but he never forced me into doing anything against my own will he has introduced me to his aunties and uncles and brothers could he be into me or his just playing games?
Ramya says
April 23, 2019 at 1:51 pmShit. I myself went approached a guy tat I like him. Then we exchanged number and met. I was falling for him in deep love. But he had only the intention of friends with benefits. But at last v had sex and I’m too way emotionally attached to him but he is least botherd now. He is ignoring me. He is not even talking to me whole night like before. I’m regretting a Lott. But I don’t want to give up on him.
Sue says
April 28, 2019 at 11:56 pmSex is a passionate form of affection. Everyone wants to have it. But with the right person. I believe women take things too fast and want to catch up at the same pace as a man is feeling which ends up to a heartbreak. As women, we have to stay careful with our boundaries that we have with men trying to get to know us fast. The quicker they are, the more it tells you that they are not interested.
They have more of the mentality of let’s get this done.
Cmercie says
May 12, 2019 at 1:40 pmAm at my late teens,and I have been experiencing this,a married man was helping me on mental issues and he was good to me and called me all time until I had sex with him ,now he doesn’t pick my calls never text after that I have been doing to much crazy things like sleeping with my cousin from my mother side three times,again I wanted a certain help from my other cousin from my father side who is married and had sex with him,it is hurting because I only meet men who wants to take advantage of me because I need some help from them,and then they go back to their wives,while I need someone serious to settle with ,anytime when am almost recovering from my last encounter, another one happens and I have no peace of mind,now I have more three cousin’s who I haven’t slept with but they are still pursuing me,most time I feel am stupid like I hate them all but I still need someone to hold me and tell me it will be okay, I don’t know what am gonna do because I can see I still a long way to go,am a student working at times,beautiful, with Italian hair,I feel lonely and used.please help.
inez kareem says
June 16, 2019 at 2:08 amme & my bf were together for 2 years. we went for a week holiday months ago. we had sex for a first time. (we had it everyday on that holiday) now we’re back from holiday he didn’t text me as much as he used to and i didn’t text him too after that. i love him but i just don’t wanna push him.